I married my husband 11 years ago but at the time I didn't know he had an addiction. Well yesterday I sat down and told him I wanted to separate because I just couldn't live that way any longer.
The conversation that pushed me to leave went something like this: I asked if he thought gambling can be an addiction and he said no. We got into an argument about that cause he knew where I was going with that line of thought. Well after a bit he made a statement like I've been without energy for over 11 years and now that I'm on the right medicines I will be better.
My husband has serious health issues. He is a type 2 diabetic his A1C was 8 something. And they've put him on trulicity and metformin. I went with him to all the ER visits, I went to the doc appointments trying to understand, and I've given him his shots when he needs help. But he continually tells me I am an unsupportive wife who needs to try way harder.
So he's been "sick, energyless" for over 11 years and that is why he games. Because he couldn't do anything else. After that I just had no words. I realized it was completely useless to even try to talk to him when this is his mindset.
I have 3 daughters ages 4, 6, and 8. My oldest is type 1 diabetic and her care is extensive. I'm a stay home mom who also homeschools. I do every single chore at our house. I mow, I do the trash, I pay all bills, I do dishes, I do laundry, and all the cleaning. The only thing I don't do is cook because honestly I've tried repeatedly and am no good at it at all. He doesn't help me with any of this except to make the occasional meal here and there.
He is a computer program and is very good at his job. But this means he is at a computer all day. When he gets home he instantly sits at his computer. He has apps on his phone that notify him Everytime someone wants to buy something on path of exile. So while he's playing his phone just keeps pinging. His health issues stem from never leaving a computer all day.
When we moved into our new house I tried to kick the computers out of the bedroom but he wouldn't have it. Because he didn't want to be isolated somewhere alone while being on his computer.
I am sad that it came to this point because I did love him so much and fought to make it work. I tried being the biddiable house wife and just support him. I've tried to game with him which while fun didn't help anything. I've tried blowing up at him. I've done the ultimatums. I've done the calm set down and discuss. Nothing works. And I can't in good conscience stick around and have my girls believe that this kind of a relationship is ok.
So here I am at 3am at my parents house on an air mattress beside my oldest daughter so I can monitor her while my two little ones are sleeping in the living room. And as I was telling my husband I'm leaving he said we had to talk things out but one at a time and this first thing we had to talk about was how mean, harsh, and unsupportive I was.