XBox 360 Gaming Will Wipe Out Western Man

www.disobey.com/ghostsites/2005_11_27_archive.html#113306980406241709

November 27, 2005
XBox 360 Gaming Will Wipe Out Western Man

XBox 360's are flying off the shelves. Young men (mainly) are spending most of their lives testing their prowess against completely illusionary challenges. The gaming industry will soon become bigger than Hollywood.

What's wrong with this picture? Well, just about everything. And before you attack me, you should know that I love games. I've probably spent more time flying virtual planes in Flight Simulator than many active real-world pilots. I've not only played Quake and Counterstrike: I've built levels modelled, in exquisite detail, on real places. I love games, and that's the problem, not just with me, but with most of civilized, Westernized, technologized humanity.

I sat in a movie theatre the other day and listened to two 20-something guys seated next to me @#%$ and moan about their lives. Neither of them has lost their virginity, and although they carped most about one of their friends, who, at a cool 29, has only dated two girls and has struck out each time, it was plain that these young guys were striking out themselves. They laughed and joked, but it was plain to me that they were deeply suffering the fear that every young man fears: that he will die, one way or another, without passing on his unique (well, somewhat unique) genetic code to the next generation.

They also obsessed about the XBox 360 they were lusting after: the one honey they couldn't have, because of production shortages. Did it ever occur to these guys that the 300 hours they play XBox every month might be endangering their gene pool passage? Nope. And after the movie is over, they'll go back and play their games. They're hooked, as surely as junkies in the 1970's were, and there's no Mothers Against Drunk Gaming group crusading against this.

There are many other parts of the world - notably, Yemen, where every young man carries a gun: not a virtual, Quake grenade launcher, but a real AK-47, and he must, to survive, be somewhat capable, because the **** place is too lawless. Call me a party-pooper, but if killing is your criteria for survival, I'd put odds on the Yemenese before I'd put it on my two theatre neighbors.

Forget the killing quotient for a moment. After all, human beings weren't put here on the planet just to kill other human beings, were they (let's not answer that question right now)? The real problem with games is that, as they get better, they more completely satisfy at least one of Freud's two main criteria for human happiness, namely work and love. Work - well, these games are a lot of work: I know several people in New England who've done nothing but play Age of Empires for the last four years. They're still alive, but that's about the best thing I can say about them.

But it's in the area of love where our hyper-gaming culture really breaks down. Not only is it perverse to be loved by a virtual character, but being a gaming guru or FS2 ace is a complete turnoff to any real, live, breathing woman. It's not like the 1960's, when guitars where "chick magnets." Being an ace at Halo doesn't mean squat to a gal, even if you're winning big money at tournament play. Sure, you can throw money at her but women - especially the ones you really want - exact a high cost: they want your time and your attention, not your money. And when you're chasing the latest XBox adventure, your woman is going to be a tertiary concern, whether or not you're making love to Virtual Valerie.

Women don't understand this all-consuming gaming obsession that most young men have. Can you blame them? For better or worse, women live with a ticking clock that roots them to the earth, the passage of the days, seasons, and the movement of the planets. And the better games get, the more men's lives will revolve around fantasy, not anything that's real. Can you blame women for believing that males really aren't necessary any more?

Can't you see it, people? Video games are going to make us - the bright folks standing at the apex of civilization - extinct, and the worst part about this is we won't even mind it when it happens. With our last dying breath, we'll grab our joystick, fire a thermonuclear missile at Xardoz, and collapse, happy, dumb, and impervious. It's not a conspiracy here: just technological inevitability, that will winnow our kind out. Need I say that the other residents of this world - the animals and other forms of life - will also suffer, because we're raising entire generations who've never seen a bird or a fish in a videogame, and therefore won't ever miss them?

Yes, there, will be a few survivors: the Bill Gates and Jerry Bruckheimers of the world, and the women who love them. But the rest of us - well, we'll never have had time to spread our seed, and maybe - if you take the long view - that might not be a bad thing. After all, does the world really need more people - even if they're as cool as you?

XBox, or its 2105 successor, will get you, my friend. One day, you'll wake up, after a long session of daylight-less hours playing XBox 720, and realize that your life has passed you by. It will be too late, your back will be stiff, your seed will be dry, and you'll sit for long hours in your wheelchair at Silicon Acres, remembering your greatest Quake moments. How sad.

Cut the umbilical cord, young man! Unplug this genie now: go outside, hear the real birds, smell the real streets, go outside, and find your life. As long and as hard as you might search for it in virtual la-la land, it isn't there, and never will be, no matter how well this lethal similacrum becomes - and we all know there will be a time when it will be impossible to distingiish the real from the virtual, and that time will probably occur in the next ten years.

posted by steve baldwin @ 12:36 AM

Edited by: lizwool at: 11/29/05 23:48