To the Family Afterward...

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Patria's picture
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
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To the Family Afterward...

Taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

Online link:

To Wives (read Spouses)*:

The Family Afterward*:

* yes, there is archaic sentence structure and attitudes in these writings, don't let hinder your commitment to the concepts. It works.

These are invaluable chapters to the families/friends of excessive gamers. There isn't one recovering gamer here who won't admit that they damaged themselves and everyone around them. We didn't know it, in particular, but we admit it. And we are responsible to fix it. In time. It won't happen over night.

Friends and family have a right to their feelings of anger, betrayal, etc. and we all accept the fact that this happened and my husband is entitled to his feelings about my addiction.

And since my husband and I are in recovery in another program, we learned right away, that when a person has put down the drug or game of choice, and are starting a new life of recovery, it works better for the addict and the family/friends of the addict to recover to.

It helps twofold:

1. it relieves the pain of the family/friends

2. it supports the addict in healthier recovery.

Amends will be made, life will become more normal again, but not right away. If someone is stricken with cancer, like I was, the whole world around me stopped and helped me recover, even my job supported me with shorter days, more breaks, and "scarf/hat parties." However, gaming or alcoholism doesn't get a lot of that type of compassion. If anything, we addicts make the people around us really angry. Plus we're angry ourselves.

Recovery for everyone at the same time--putting aside thoughts of anger and betrayal, which will be dealt with--takes the pressure off of everyone.

Don't forget, or let's not forget, all of us, ALL of us: addict and family/friends are ALL angry during those last years and months of excessive gaming.

But people recover better--on both sides--if we put aside the anger and work on our individual recoveries.

My husband and I learned to trust our Higher Power and our program, and since he was angry with me for excessive gaming, he also put aside that anger to let me recuperate.

Right now I can say our marriage has never been better, and yet a year and a half ago we hated each other. Not kidding. I have made my amends, and still making amends. My husband and I go to bed with smiles on our faces, and usually we have a lot of laughter now in this house.

If we can do it, others can too.

Good luck to us all!

Mubb (not verified)
I love this Pat. My mom, who

I love this Pat. My mom, who suffered directly my addiction is still hurt and from time to time i have to show her what i'm doing in the pc. I do it, sometimes a bit angry but then thinking "well i won this".

When i came here, i cried, i was in anger, etc but i never stopped and looked at her. When i talked with her while i was doing my 8th step, she got the chance to let it out and i couldn't believe how much resentments she holds for all videogames in general and for all the people i met in my game, in fact, she made me promise her that i wouldn't talk EVER with one specific person.

Now there's a part that put me to think, when i'm sick, or for example now that i'm in finals i got a lot of support from part of my family and from my colleagues. It's incredible really and they're rooting for me. I can't believe how much this ppl care for me, after what i did.

Patria's picture
Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
Our families love us, the

Our families love us, the real us, and hate the addiction. And now you're here without that demon hanging around your neck so mom can support the adorable you!

big hugs on the finals :)


Last seen: 6 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 12/11/2011 - 5:41pm
This is right on time for me

This is right on time for me today, Pat, but yanno, I can't deal with the anger yet. I don't know if I'll ever be able to cope with anger directed at me by those who love me again. I hope I get so healthy one day. I'm not there now for sure.

What you've said here about the loved ones participating in the recovery is so important, and everyone can only gain by the process. Living from a foundation of love, which is what the Steps are about for me, can enrich all our lives.

Thanks for this.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

Desire to Stop
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Hi Patria, Yes, I love the

Hi Patria,

Yes, I love the chapters you have mentioned! I don't always do them well, but they are so helpful in my relationships.

One of the things that came out of my first set of step work post gaming and the first set of amends was the level to which I was dishonest in my relationships and elsewhere in my life and would instead dive deeper into gaming rather than facing my life head on.

One of the amends I have is that if I go on a date with someone and I'm truly not interested, I have to own that and be direct about my lack of interest, not lead someone on, not discount my disinterest, etc.

Most of the time now I'm pretty engaged in my life activities and enjoy what I'm doing or at least enjoy the challenge of what I'm doing! No scripted outcomes, omg will I get a job when I graduate from school nearly pushing 50?! Not so long ago I would have preferred to game my way through yet another expansion to avoid the real world challenges of trying to rise to the challenge of living my life on life's terms.

It's still a challenge, but thank you for sharing these chapters; it reminds me that for the next date I go on my job is still to see what I can bring to the party but also pay attention to how I feel and more importantly--guidance from HP. Intuition is there for a reason, and pretty sure if I'm supposed to *feel* interest in someone, I will actually *feel* it.

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

LsMom's picture
Last seen: 7 years 4 months ago
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Joined: 05/15/2011 - 12:14am
My son doesn't think he has

My son doesn't think he has a problem, but he does. I never really cared about video games, but after seeing the effect they've had on my son, I too hate all video games and he resents me for hating the one thing he "loves". He says I am a bad mother because I am not supportive of his hobby and future livelihood. Interesting how close yet opposite my situation is to Mubb's situation.