Taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:
To Wives (read Spouses)*: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt8.pdf
The Family Afterward*: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt9.pdf
* yes, there is archaic sentence structure and attitudes in these writings, don't let hinder your commitment to the concepts. It works.
These are invaluable chapters to the families/friends of excessive gamers. There isn't one recovering gamer here who won't admit that they damaged themselves and everyone around them. We didn't know it, in particular, but we admit it. And we are responsible to fix it. In time. It won't happen over night.
Friends and family have a right to their feelings of anger, betrayal, etc. and we all accept the fact that this happened and my husband is entitled to his feelings about my addiction.
And since my husband and I are in recovery in another program, we learned right away, that when a person has put down the drug or game of choice, and are starting a new life of recovery, it works better for the addict and the family/friends of the addict to recover to.
It helps twofold:
1. it relieves the pain of the family/friends
2. it supports the addict in healthier recovery.
Amends will be made, life will become more normal again, but not right away. If someone is stricken with cancer, like I was, the whole world around me stopped and helped me recover, even my job supported me with shorter days, more breaks, and "scarf/hat parties." However, gaming or alcoholism doesn't get a lot of that type of compassion. If anything, we addicts make the people around us really angry. Plus we're angry ourselves.
Recovery for everyone at the same time--putting aside thoughts of anger and betrayal, which will be dealt with--takes the pressure off of everyone.
Don't forget, or let's not forget, all of us, ALL of us: addict and family/friends are ALL angry during those last years and months of excessive gaming.
But people recover better--on both sides--if we put aside the anger and work on our individual recoveries.
My husband and I learned to trust our Higher Power and our program, and since he was angry with me for excessive gaming, he also put aside that anger to let me recuperate.
Right now I can say our marriage has never been better, and yet a year and a half ago we hated each other. Not kidding. I have made my amends, and still making amends. My husband and I go to bed with smiles on our faces, and usually we have a lot of laughter now in this house.
If we can do it, others can too.
Good luck to us all!