Dealing with my partner's gaming addiction in a tiny flat during lockdown

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LonelyInLockdown
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Dealing with my partner's gaming addiction in a tiny flat during lockdown

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm struggling to deal with my partner's addiction to a game called King of Avalon. It's been nearly two years. He's on it first thing in the morning, he spends ages in the toilet playing the game, and he takes extended smoking breaks to play the game. Any spare moment in the day, he's on his phone. He has talked about the adreneline rush he gets from the game. Even though it is a game with microtransactions, he assures me he doesn't spend very much money on it. However the trade off is that he spends more time on it. Whenever I suggest that his gaming is excessive he says that how he spends his time is none of my business. He doesn't clean the house, he relys on me to ask him to do things. The only things he does of his own volition is the washing up and taking the bin and recycling out. It's as if if he does these things, he is buying brownie points with me, so that he can spend more time playing his game. I don't think he understands that I need someone who wants to spend quality time with me, and actually come up with ideas for things to do. I feel like it's my job to be the one who has to be entertaining enough to draw him away from the game, which is exhausting. Frankly, it's made him boring- he has no other interests, unenthusiastic about life, and lacking in curiosity. It's totally affected my sex drive. I feel like in order to make him happy I should be a bit like a stepford wife, just willing to make him food and have sex with him no matter how I am treated. He is not a bad person, he is kind and he will help around the house. But this isn't a relationship. He's basically a stranger to me - I have nothing to talk to him about. I don't know what to do. I understand I need to create my own happiness and independence, but this is difficult during lockdown in a one bedroom flat. I just want my old boyfriend back.

 

Polga
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Welcome Lonely

Welcome Lonely

It is heartbreaking to hear about the loss of the boyfriend you love to a game that is consuming him.

You write very eloquently about how his gaming makes you feel.

Have a look at the first aid kit for spouses liked in my signature for resources . There is a thread about communication that may help you. Some people write a letter to their partner to say how the gamer's actions negatively affect them. Also look at detaching with love and setting bondaries. You share the same small home and if your peace is disturbed by his gaming that is not fair. You need to feel at peace in your own home.

If he is neglecting you and his relationship commitment then that is very much your business ! It sounds like he is taking you for granted . He doesn't seem to understand what it feels like for you when a significant other would rather give their attention to a game at the expense of their partner and their own growth and responsibilility of being an adult in the real world. Excessive gaming rewires the barin so they start to lack empathy.

You cannot force him to change. You may have to accept that this is who he is now. Look at the thread about getting support for you in the first aid kit. take care of yourself and put the focus back on you and becoming an awesome, independent person with a great life ahead. Find support from people outside your relatonship who care for you. Plan your future while things are difficult with lockdown.

 

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts advice here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

LonelyInLockdown
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Last seen: 11 months 1 week ago
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Joined: 05/27/2020 - 5:22am
Thank you for your

Thank you for your compassionate and helpful response, Polga. It's nice to be heard. I'll check out the resources you've pointed to.

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