I "am" and have been addicted to online gaming for over 4 years, I say "am" because as I write this, I have not broke free. Everything I do revolves around.... playing.. wanting to play... or trying to manipulate my real world so I can "freely" play. Every single area of my life has suffered horribly. In my moments of clarity, I look around at all I have lost and neglected, and I look into the eyes of my husband and children and I see strangers, and the shame becomes so huge, so overwhelming that I cant bare to see it. But yet... the thought of not playing leaves me panic stricten, so much so, that I can hardly breath. Not a day goes by when I dont ask myself "What's Wrong With Me?". Yet I live in constant fear that the worst thing that could ever happen, would be that one day I will wake up and find I have lost my online connection. This isnt my first addiction nor am I a stranger to recovery and I think that fact makes this even more shaming for me. Because I feel like I should know the problem and the solution. I want to recover.. I want my REAL life back. I am here for help and I truely dont know how to begin. Thank you all for being here. I feel hope in your presence.
January 12, 2009 - 6:12am#1