Freedom Seeker

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anonymous (not verified)
Freedom Seeker

I "am" and have been addicted to online gaming for over 4 years, I say "am" because as I write this, I have not broke free. Everything I do revolves around.... playing.. wanting to play... or trying to manipulate my real world so I can "freely" play. Every single area of my life has suffered horribly. In my moments of clarity, I look around at all I have lost and neglected, and I look into the eyes of my husband and children and I see strangers, and the shame becomes so huge, so overwhelming that I cant bare to see it. But yet... the thought of not playing leaves me panic stricten, so much so, that I can hardly breath. Not a day goes by when I dont ask myself "What's Wrong With Me?". Yet I live in constant fear that the worst thing that could ever happen, would be that one day I will wake up and find I have lost my online connection. This isnt my first addiction nor am I a stranger to recovery and I think that fact makes this even more shaming for me. Because I feel like I should know the problem and the solution. I want to recover.. I want my REAL life back. I am here for help and I truely dont know how to begin. Thank you all for being here. I feel hope in your presence.

the_real_me
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There is hope Deb. Recovery

There is hope Deb. Recovery is not easy, but you and your family are so worth it. Take some time to read posts. Catch a meeting. There's one a day. Or hang in chat. People jump in there for for regular chat/help. So many people on this site have turned their life around by quitting gaming. I too am now on that path. Good luck!@

The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09

John of the Roses
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You have already begun, by

You have already begun, by identifying that you have a problem. That is Step zero. A uselful tool is called "HALTS": Dont get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or too Serious. You mention Freedom, which is exactly what you need to focus on. I am too on this healing journey in which we all share the common hope for freedom from excessive gaming and the tragedies that surround us. An online meeting is a great way to introduce yourself to others here who have been where you are now.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

Maschinca
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Deb, welcome to OLGA. You do

Deb, welcome to OLGA. You do acknowledge you are addicted and you feel an overwhelming shame when you look at your family. You mention your life has suffered horribly and by that I guess you mean your family has too. You feel shame when looking at them and yet you crave to play. This tells you how devastating this addiction is. It should also tell you that feeling shame , however understandable, is not an emotion you can build recovery on. Shame may make you aware of how this addiction effects your life but it offers no solution, only negative feelings which possibly trigger the need to game more. An endless downwards spiral only you can break. How to begin? That is different for everyone, some quite cold turkey, some cut back on playing and leave in time. Some people need closure, to say bye to online friends, others just leave. What ever way you choose try to make sure you remove the game(s) from your pc and avoid game websites. You might want to take some time to look at your life and see if there might be things you can do to distract you from gaming, things to pick up again or new hobbies. Talk to your husband, family, ask them to help you, I am sure they will want you back too. Your life will not end when you loose your online connection, your real life will begin again that day. There are more woman here who have been where you are now, I myself am one of them. I left WoW little over 6 months ago and I can honestly say my live is good again. There is hope, you are not alone. Stick around, keep sharing, try a meeting, do whatever you feel might help you. We are here for you, take care.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.

Delirium
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You are here and that is a

You are here and that is a start. One answer is one I found in my new family. it's a question of who really knows and cares for me? When I left WoW, I doubt many people even noticed. Sure, there may have been the occasional "Any one seen XXXX?" but nothing more then that. If i said goodbye online to them, probably would have gotten the generic "Good Luck in RL" from people. If I left real life, I know people would have noticed. People would feel my absense...my family and friends. I would be in their thoughts forever, but 3 weeks offline and I doubt anyone thinks twice about me online. Quitting is not easy...no easier here than any other addiction. Read posts, read responses...and realize you are not alone in the struggle. PM people, get on the chat. I've only been here about a week and have already found this site and it's 'family' to be a great support.

-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

science_project
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I don't know much about

I don't know much about this, but you have already completed step 1: addiction recognition. Now step two is to get yourself preoccupied with other things. Try a new sport, go on a vacation, or just hang out with friends for a while. Eventually with those things you will be able to minimize your game playing time and doing other fun stuff instead. It's hard, but in the future you will be happy you did it. Good Luck!

Im doing gaming addictions for my science project, need some good information on it. If you have some please check out my threads or pm me.

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