I'm new here... Don't even know how to begin.
I believe my problem is not 100% related to gamimg, that's not the source of my problems. It's running away from responsibilities, I've been doing that for years now. Games were just the quick happy pill I could take to forget everything. Inside the game you don't risk anything because you can always start over, you can't actually fail. I've been experiencing fail a lot lately and I guess I choose not try for fear I might fail. So I fill up my time with games.
I've realised I wasted a year doing absolutley nothing. I'm in the worst possible financial situation right now and it seems luck is really avoiding me when it comes to a job. I study computer science, it's 3 years but it seems now I'm stretching it to 5. I can remember how ambitious I was before I went to college, how I learned and tried out things by myself. What happened?!
All I know is that I've been playing all my life. I always found a game I could waste time with. I still do, my brain has formed a pattern where it always seems like a good idea to hide in games when there's too many things I need to do, I guess cause the problems seem to disappear for a while and then it's too late to do anything so it feels like I couldn't do anything about it anyway. It only takes the fear away but not the problems.
Another way I could get away from responsibilities is getting drunk with friends. It works exactly the same way. It doesn't happen very often, but I'm just saying that even when I go out there's a posibility of trying to run away from my problems. Not to mention a lot of my friends also play games, most of which I was the one to show them those games.
The peak of tragic in this is that I've been telling myself to quit games for years. I've been telling myself to go to bed early, I look at the time already 12:00 AM, "meh, just this quest I only have a few slimes left". BAM! 5 o'clock. Next day, tired, not feeling up to cooking, cleaning, not having eaten well, sleeping well, there's so many things to do. **** it, I'll just play another game. That's what keeps happening. I've tried many times and unistalled, and started reading, shotokan, drawing, filming, I have so many ideas of awesome things I want to do and somehow I never have time for anything.
I've failed so many exams due to "Today I'm gonna play, I'll study tomorrow."
I'm not dumb but my brain has formed a pattern where it feels good where I play and it's so difficult to study, even thought I used to like what I do. Excessive gaming makes you dumber and dumber each day.
I've played all possible games, even when I got bored I found something to play, MMORPGS, single player RTS, anything.. flash games. I can't do this any longer...
It's either completely waste my time and life with games or no games at all. It's gotten to that point. And I really have to get over this alone. I mean physically alone!! That scares the sh** out of me.
I could have wrote this down on my private blog, but I guess finding this site was a good thing, helps when you know people are reading even though it's embarrasing what's going on.