Addict for years, only coming terms to it now

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KristinKhaos
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Addict for years, only coming terms to it now

Ah when should I start... I think it's fair to say I've been addicted to gaming ever since I first discovered them when I was maybe 8 years old. I'm 18 now and it's only gotten worse.

I was first addicted to console games when I got my first memory card for my PS1, even at a young age I'd spend hours a day trying to get one more level, one more secret unlocked. And when middle school hit me; it was like a sack of bricks to the face with depression. I discovered chat rooms and MMOs, perfect places to find a place to just be myself since everyday life forced me to fit into a mould. I was struggling with finding who I was and MMOs were seemingly the one free place I had. So I played them to the point where they were my life. When I got a job and could afford to pay a monthly subscription it got worse. I had so much more options, and with that more of a reason to keep playing. It evolved from being merely a social tool to being addicted to the game itself, as I grew further away from socializing online. For 1 and half years runescape was my drug of choice. I wound up pouring about 200$ into mindlessly grinding for that next level. Sure I knew it was boring but I was addicted. I had friends that I could play with and talk to about it. I wound further away from people and spent more time alone which was not good as I was afraid of my thoughts and afraid of who I might actually be.

In july 2009 I finally came to grips with who I was and came out to friends as a transsexual female; but by that time gaming was a full time hobby. All my friends did it either as much or nearly as much as me and we saw no problem with it. I actually started to socialize more, though gaming still absorbed most of my time. Because of deterioration of my sleep habits from excessive gaming I actually lost my job which opened up more time to play. I could no longer afford the subscription to runescape so I searched for free to play MMOs and that's how I wound up where I am today; playing Dungeons and Dragons online for 3-7 hours on a schoolnight and upwards to 14 hours on non school days.

This is affecting not only my social life but also the future I may have; and I think I'm finally willing to at least cut back. I've known I have a problem for a long time but only now am I willing to do something about it.

Balance is best.

dark (not verified)
Hello Kristin, welcome to

Hello Kristin, welcome to OLGA! If you are addicted you have come to the right place. You will get a lot of help and support here. You mentioned cutting down or controlling your gaming. You are welcome to try that. My experience was that as an addict i could not control my gaming - but that is my own experience. You will find out for yourself. Life is fairly simple, but its not easy. It requires 100 percent and effort - whether its job, relationships, health, etc. If your mind and body are 100 percent in the game you cant give life the attention it needs. And the results are as you described. You have some choices to make and i wish you luck with them. We are here to help. - dark

the_real_me
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Welcome to Olga,

Welcome to Olga, Kristin.

Cutting back is a good starting point. I'd recommend keeping a daily journal to record your feelings and actual gaming time. Then you can keep track of the decrease in game time and what feelings and symptoms that will most likely start to surface. That's a good starting point.

Be ojective in this process.

When I did this, I found out that I was truly addicted. I tried to decrease, but keep falling back into long playing times.

Good luck.

The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09

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