Addicted... but so is my husband.

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Chalice
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Addicted... but so is my husband.

The last couple of months things have gotten really bad. My husband and I are up to 40hrs a week perhaps more for my husband for sure. I feel completely disoriented by this. He wont admit there is a problem. He is still able to make it to work after 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I started therapy a few weeks ago he doesnt see a problem and I feel so ashamed of it that I havent even told him about it. And just to make my WoW playing a little worse I also play with my 8yr old son. He is limitted on his play time unlike myself but I have to ask if he is going to find himself in the same position as he gets older. How am I able to limit his time playing and am unable to control mine? What a Mess! And now with this whole expansion and all the new content. haha I know this all sounds insane I mean I sheesh I just dont even know.

Solei
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Welcome Chalice, I used to play WoW with my fiance constantly. Dishes and bills piled up, phone calls went unanswered. Life was in a stand-still, of sorts. Would your husband go to counseling with you, perhaps? Love, Solei PS. Nothing that you say sounds insane. :-) And welcome once again.

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

Chalice
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Thank You, As he cant admit anything is wrong with his over playing I doubt it. I tried to get him in for marraige counciling once and well he went twice then decided not to go. Does your fiance still play? Sad thing about it is it has brought my husband and I closer yet farther appart. We have all kinds of chats about the game and really enjoy partying together well til he decides its my fault when something goes wrong. ie you should have healed me. But my sink too is piled with dishes and I feel like I am barely functioning. I want to just throw out the whole computer. But he is going to be there sitting in the living room on his lap top playing all around me. And of course then he will want to talk about it with me and laugh and Ill hear him in vent chatting away with people in the party and guild. I need to find a way to show him what this is doing to our family and I also need a way to tell my therapist without feeling stupid. If the therapist even "gets it".

mariegt
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

The problem with the expansions is that there will ALWAYS be a new expansion. EQ has had about 2 expansions per year. Then they'll send out an email to people who haven't had their accounts active for the past 6 months telling them that their accounts have been reactivated for a 30 day FREE trial. It sucks people right back in. If you are thinking to yourself that you might have a problem. Then it's likely that you do. From what you described to me, it sounds like your whole family might have a problem. You might want to suggest to your husband to get into doing something else. Such as Bowling once a week or some kind of a book club. Whatever your interests are, there are bound to be some kind of events that you can attend that will get you out of your computer room and back into society. Goodluck to you.

mkoco04
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Welcome Chalice, you never have you feel the way you feel right now (confused, troubled, etc.) again. :) There is another way to live that does not revolve all around WoW, raiding, getting that next epic, and on and on and on. Here we have all found healing and a meaningful connection to other gamers who have suffered, or are suffering, just like we did. It is a VERY good sign that you have sought out a therapist. If he doesn't recognize your problem with gaming (if you are honest about it with him/her) then I would say get another therapist. Gaming addiction is a real problem, and there are plenty of therapists that treat it as such. About your husband, all I can say is don't worry about what he does/is doing, it doesn't have to affect what you're doing. There is whole section of this message board filled with wives, husbands, and loved ones of gamers who watch them game day in and day out, powerless to change their behavior. I would suggest putting post in there about your husband, coming clean with your therapist (kudos if you already have), and continuing to post here, if you are serious about quitting. There are certain things you can do to help your husband in a subtle, more indirect way, but they require you being on firm, solid, loving footing first. All the best to you, Matt K. P.S. When I quit, I did remove my computer from my house entirely for a period of about a month. You can do it! Keep the Faith!

satyag
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

I'd like to know if you felt simply removing internet access was an insufficient deterrent. Had you tried that before? What about deleting your games?

Chalice
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

I talked it over again with my husband seems as it turns out Im the only one with the problem. ::rolls eyes:: Back when he was the only one gaming I deleted his games. He of course reinstalled it. I took out his RAM and he didnt know I took away something temporary and so he took a hammer to the inside of mine. He is a Mechanical Engineer he has his computer at work as well as a laptop. As for myself I have deleted the first game I was hooked on not realizing at the time that I was even hooked. We Moved to Ohio from NY so my husband could go to school finish his degree in an affordable area that was clean and safe for the kids (NY is pricey) I was there with two kids no friends no car and eventually he had to Co-op for school causing him to spend every week night in Michigan again leaving me now with 3 kids and no car for a whole week. The only thing I had was my computer. I of course talked on the phone to people in NY but it wasnt entertainment and I felt at the end of the day playing games was the only thing I had that was mine. I met people Laughed had so much fun made friends it was wonderful. The reason I stopped playing the first game is apparently you can mistakenly think you have fallen in love with someone over the computer. Married 3 kids. It was crazy it made no sense and was certainly the last thing I thought would happen. Right from the first game I got into WoW. A friend of mine from a previous game CZ had been bugging me to play for months and months. My husband said no way would he buy a game to have to pay monthly to play it. The friend then ordered and mailed me the game. I played Loved it and decided to talk my husband into letting me play. I then made the mistake of having my husband try it. I thought we could bond have an activity together. He was still in Michigan and we could play with eachother even when he was away all week. It seems so innocent. And here I find myself disqusted at what I have lost. What my family as a whole has lost.

satyag
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

I am so sorry. I know moving can be hard and if you feel disconnected form everyone around you, it then makes sense that you try to find connections where you can. It has to be tough to have 3 kids and both of you playing so much. The good news is that YOU realize you have a problem and you are working on it. I don't know how old your kids are but maybe trying to encourage your husband to go out and do things as a family might at least get him away from the game for a bit. I hope you keep coming back here for support.

edarimom
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Where are you at now in the indepence mode now? Can you drive? (if not, strongly think about getting the means to do that, lessons? car?) Can you locate some activity with other parents, with your kids. (don't know the ages, but play group? scouts?) Some of these might have a parent who would even pick you and kids up, if transportation is still an issue.
The point is to remove some of the isolation and get back into real life. Your husband might even join in, but if he doesn't it will still be good for you and particularly the kids.
Empower yourself, and he will be more likely to decide to follow.

"a mind is a terrible thing to waste"

Chalice
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Well we moved back to NY last June. Over the summer my gaming was well toned down. I love to swim and so do the kids. And as I still couldnt afford a car I bought one of those large blow up pools which was perfect for the kids and not too bad for an adult either. Then Winter came and the playing got worse. Im able to keep myself off during the day still thinking about it though. Its usually not until 8 after the kids are in bed I go on but then I find myself not going to bed until 3am. Or not at all. The lack of sleep causing me to be dysfunctional. Last night I tried not to go on at all. I decided I would rent a movie go to bed early catch up on some sleep. I went to my room tried to turn on the vcr and found out the thing broke. So I snuggled up with my son to watch mouse hunt. 9pm my husband starts calling me. (at this point my husband knows I dont want to play and am pouting and made at him for not choosing to spend time with me instead of himself playing) Kitty (portion of my ingame name.) He calls. Yuuske and Dyani want to play with you. Dyani needs his key and we need a shaman to get team Y working. (he kindly reminds me of the messed up guild politics that are happening implying I am letting team Y down.) I stupidly say ok but agree to do a smaller instance as I dont want to be up late... Oh I should add that Ive stopped drinking coffee after 12noon. (I used to have coffee at around 10 or so a large cup)3:12am I logged out. When I was in OH I became Goraphobic I couldnt leave the house I could barely speak to anyone in person. Now that I am in NY I leave the house every day I just bought a car that hopefully will be registared on Tuesday. I sign the kids up for everything I can think of and afford. I want to go to college this fall now that my husband is done with school. So I like to think I am moving foward I think next change in my life is certainly game play. Its crazy I dont drink yet I have a hang over every day. Dehydrated tired headache.

Solei
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

I remember being guilted into gaming on many occasions, from various people. I played healing class so I was always in demand. (Which is why I chose a healing class in the first place, I am sure). It is funny now ~ as I look back on it ~ being conviced to play by e-friends. Friends who, mostly, don't care too much about me now that I've quit. I know the dehydration/headachey feeling that can come, possibly a a result of staring at your PC long enough. I am sorry, dear Chalice, that your husband guilted you into playing. My fiance quit long before I did ~ and he silently watched as I faded away into yet another toon on another server. He"d suggest we go out to dinner a lot ~ but all I wanted to do was game... Watching movies, books, knitting ~ were all things that help(ed) me stay away from MMOs. I wish you luck. Lots of Love,
Solei

-6 Years Free of Online Gaming-

Chalice
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Re: Addicted... but so is my husband.

Thank You Solei.

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