Hello again, it has been sometime since I've been around these boards and I had a good start (you know where this is going). 3 months without games was an astounding accomplishment for me, considering I had been playing for around 8 or 9 years. Then the Summer came and I had plans too. I would start back on writing again since I had a free Summer semester, have a chance to get caught up on my reading list, and even start a new hobby (Cartography). However, I decided to relapse and those same feelings of depression and meaninglessness have returned, yay...
At first, I had said "What could it hurt." I was playing for only 30 minutes, and it had been so long for me. I was bored... bored... that word has a small amount of meaning in my life and is very much related to my many other flaws.
Then I started play for a few hours a day, and that was when i said "This isn't a big problem for me. This whole addiction thing is in my head." Now I know I'm slow in a lot of things and have done some pretty stupid stuff but I'm pretty sure this has to top the charts. So now I feel like I'm back at square one and all I want to do is beat the living crap out of myself and at the same time feel drawn to play another hour worth of Runescape.
I will say this, I have learned something very important: Once an addict, always an addict. Now I use to tell myself I won't ever play again, but like someone told me, "One day at a time." But I also learned I can't just say, "I won't play video games today." You have to follow it up. What am I going to do instead? If all I've been doing is playing video games and I say, "I won't play games today," then I have resigned to do nothing... Well that makes little sense, doesn't it? I don't know what I'm going to do instead but I'm going to work on that. For now, after a 3 hour binge on Runescape, I'm just not going to play tonight, and I think I might pick up that book I promised myself I would read back in May.
Hi, my name is Joshua, and I'm a video gamer addict and while I may not be cured, I'm not going to play today...
-Joshua
Merry Christmas!
Welcome back Joshua. Good for you.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
I am sorry to hear about your relapse, but I am glad that you are making an effort now to recover from that. Although I recall what it is like to be very upset and disappointed in myself for thinking that I could handle it this time, try to not be too hard on yourself since most people relapse at least once or twice. As for what to do instead of gaming, it sounds like you already had several good ideas in mind (e.g., writing, reading and cartography). However, if you ever need more ideas, there are many of those in the tacked thread "&: What I did today to not game." at http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/5267. Also, if you want to read about some ways to deal with any powerful cravings that you might have for a while, check out the tacked thread "&: What do I do, when I crave to play the games?" at http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/5565.
- John O.
[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)
That was good for me to read. I too have a little time away from games during which all areas of my life have improved. Ironically as an addict that causes me to want to go back to what was making me miserable in the first place. Thanks for your honesty, and letting me know that it won't get better for me out there even if _____ happens.