Ok, i've got to a point where I really need to confide in someone, I have already to friends on the sites but it is not the same as they all just say the same thing "forget about him... delete him" it is not as simple as that for me unfortuently.
I was never really heavy into online gaming sites, I did sign up to IMVU when I was 11 years old (young I know), but I was then banned in 2009 therefore I stayed away from IMVU til March this year as I thought I would have to wait the allocated banned days til I could get my account back. But in 2009 I was getting bored (around 13 years old at this time) I saw my older sibling playing a site called Gaia online, at first didnt really seem to be my type of community / game site. But as time went on I started to like it more and then became a daily user, meeting and talking to friends. First online relationship was probably in 2010 but that broke down due to the fact the guy wanted to meet and stuff which scared me as he was quite full on. So for the next few years I just met people, had fun and messed around til 2012. In 2012 I met a guy on Gaia online which was by total chance, just somehow starting talking to each other, and there was something different about him compared to all the other guys I had met, he had a charm about him, he knew what to say to make you feel good. Plus he was very fun to be with. So from that point me and him started to talk pretty often which then changed to everyday, he was always flirty/sexual and I'm not sure why I wasn't bothered by that. If someone else would say something similar I would get offended. But a lot of our conversations would have some sexual nature to it (pretty much inuendos). I noticed that I started having feelings for him very early on as I did not like him being with other woman at all, I would get extremely jealous and get very upset usually crying or ignoring him for a day if i could.
So, this happened for about a year and a half spending time on Gaia online also type chatting on MSN at the time. He made me feel very very happy apart from the times that I got jealous. Around March 2014, (18 at this time) we mentioned about our old IMVU accounts and talked about using that again. So, I filed a ticket was able to get my account back and then me and him started using the site. Probably my biggest mistake. We were very close on it for first few weeks or so but then he started meeting new people, making sexual rooms etc. I found this really hard because I pretty much loved him at this point and was hurt by the fact he was starting to focus on other woman. I would usually just cry and try keep it to myself and act as if everything is normal. I have confronted him many times about it, but he has never changed but that is because we are just friends. So, as time went by i've slowly felt us distance apart which I'm finding very difficult, he did talk to me about the possibility of us dating a few months back but this was then dropped as he said age difference would be an issue. This really hurt, because when we were talking about dating I felt so close to him than I ever have. But after he said we should just stay friends, we still talked daily, conversations starting lacking that fun that we first had when I first met him. I've told him how I feel that we are distancing and that he seems to have changed, but all i seem to get back is "I haven't changed, you have".
The guy is now very close to another lady, they are at the point of being very close to dating online and then real life. This is what is really hurting at the moment, the fact hes so close to someone else now, he still tries to be sexual with me ( I usually give in) and we voice chat now and then but it is not the same at all. I really miss that closeness I had to him, I cry a lot now and have urges to message him during the day and he does talk to me but not as enthusiastically as he would do so before. This guy pretty much did come across as a player in the beggining always was flirty with a lot a ladies, which for someone reason didnt deter me even though it was hurtful but I always still felt I was more important the way he would talk to me. But now, he has found someone it all seems to be fading away.. I keep needing to log into IMVU or Gaia to see if hes online as I cannot control the urge to talk to him. I do not have this sort of bond with anyone else, I try talking to other guys, ive rejected the offer to date a lot of guys over the years due to the fact I only have feelings for this guy.
The weird thing is I don't think id want to meet him in real life... but still I just want to keep him to myself online.. I know that sounds silly but having such a strong attatchment over the few years has taken its toll. I've tried staying away from the sites and ignoring him for a few but have found the extremely difficult I always just end up messaging him or he'll message me. I cant mentally delete him it's just something I dont think i'd able to do, I know that I will just add him back within a day. At the moment I have been stuck at home for a month or two but should be busy soon so I was thinking of trying to keep myself busy to try and take my mind off him? I really need someone to give me advice on what to do, because this friendship or whatever it is, is really difficult and i'm struggling to lose the attatchment. I am about 95% sure he will date this lady so I really want to get rid of my feelings for this guy... I dont want to have the feelings that I do for him because I know he has just been using me.
I just wished I never joined the sites...