Help! IMVU addiction - Specifically to one person. (3 years - Ongoing)

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IMVUnotsomuch
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Help! IMVU addiction - Specifically to one person. (3 years - Ongoing)

Ok, i've got to a point where I really need to confide in someone, I have already to friends on the sites but it is not the same as they all just say the same thing "forget about him... delete him" it is not as simple as that for me unfortuently.

I was never really heavy into online gaming sites, I did sign up to IMVU when I was 11 years old (young I know), but I was then banned in 2009 therefore I stayed away from IMVU til March this year as I thought I would have to wait the allocated banned days til I could get my account back. But in 2009 I was getting bored (around 13 years old at this time) I saw my older sibling playing a site called Gaia online, at first didnt really seem to be my type of community / game site. But as time went on I started to like it more and then became a daily user, meeting and talking to friends. First online relationship was probably in 2010 but that broke down due to the fact the guy wanted to meet and stuff which scared me as he was quite full on. So for the next few years I just met people, had fun and messed around til 2012. In 2012 I met a guy on Gaia online which was by total chance, just somehow starting talking to each other, and there was something different about him compared to all the other guys I had met, he had a charm about him, he knew what to say to make you feel good. Plus he was very fun to be with. So from that point me and him started to talk pretty often which then changed to everyday, he was always flirty/sexual and I'm not sure why I wasn't bothered by that. If someone else would say something similar I would get offended. But a lot of our conversations would have some sexual nature to it (pretty much inuendos). I noticed that I started having feelings for him very early on as I did not like him being with other woman at all, I would get extremely jealous and get very upset usually crying or ignoring him for a day if i could.

So, this happened for about a year and a half spending time on Gaia online also type chatting on MSN at the time. He made me feel very very happy apart from the times that I got jealous. Around March 2014, (18 at this time) we mentioned about our old IMVU accounts and talked about using that again. So, I filed a ticket was able to get my account back and then me and him started using the site. Probably my biggest mistake. We were very close on it for first few weeks or so but then he started meeting new people, making sexual rooms etc. I found this really hard because I pretty much loved him at this point and was hurt by the fact he was starting to focus on other woman. I would usually just cry and try keep it to myself and act as if everything is normal. I have confronted him many times about it, but he has never changed but that is because we are just friends. So, as time went by i've slowly felt us distance apart which I'm finding very difficult, he did talk to me about the possibility of us dating a few months back but this was then dropped as he said age difference would be an issue. This really hurt, because when we were talking about dating I felt so close to him than I ever have. But after he said we should just stay friends, we still talked daily, conversations starting lacking that fun that we first had when I first met him. I've told him how I feel that we are distancing and that he seems to have changed, but all i seem to get back is "I haven't changed, you have".

The guy is now very close to another lady, they are at the point of being very close to dating online and then real life. This is what is really hurting at the moment, the fact hes so close to someone else now, he still tries to be sexual with me ( I usually give in) and we voice chat now and then but it is not the same at all. I really miss that closeness I had to him, I cry a lot now and have urges to message him during the day and he does talk to me but not as enthusiastically as he would do so before. This guy pretty much did come across as a player in the beggining always was flirty with a lot a ladies, which for someone reason didnt deter me even though it was hurtful but I always still felt I was more important the way he would talk to me. But now, he has found someone it all seems to be fading away.. I keep needing to log into IMVU or Gaia to see if hes online as I cannot control the urge to talk to him. I do not have this sort of bond with anyone else, I try talking to other guys, ive rejected the offer to date a lot of guys over the years due to the fact I only have feelings for this guy.

The weird thing is I don't think id want to meet him in real life... but still I just want to keep him to myself online.. I know that sounds silly but having such a strong attatchment over the few years has taken its toll. I've tried staying away from the sites and ignoring him for a few but have found the extremely difficult I always just end up messaging him or he'll message me. I cant mentally delete him it's just something I dont think i'd able to do, I know that I will just add him back within a day. At the moment I have been stuck at home for a month or two but should be busy soon so I was thinking of trying to keep myself busy to try and take my mind off him? I really need someone to give me advice on what to do, because this friendship or whatever it is, is really difficult and i'm struggling to lose the attatchment. I am about 95% sure he will date this lady so I really want to get rid of my feelings for this guy... I dont want to have the feelings that I do for him because I know he has just been using me.

I just wished I never joined the sites...

Tommi
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Hi IMVU.., What you are

Hi IMVU..,

What you are experiencing is fairly common. Similar stories have been reported here many times.

What is common to many (and indeed I suffered from a similar problem) is that you are escaping reality and you are addicted to the game and all the fantasy involved.

Whether you are doing this to avoid facing real life situations, only you can determine that.

What I can tell you is that there is no future in virtual romance, and these end badly for most, as far as I can tell in my years on this site. You need to move on to real life, real relationships, and grow up and be an adult (adulthood is not age specific, many of us addicts are trapped in adolescent and childish patterns and behaviour).

Great that you are able to share. The first step is admitting you have a problem. I would encourage you to come to our daily chat meetings and meet others who are addicted like you are. We support each other in our recovery by sharing our experience strength and hope.

Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o

Lisa3333
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Sorry to hear your story.

Sorry to hear your story. I'm not sure of the best way to handle your situation. As a game addict, even though I and others often got too emotionally or romantically attached to someone ingame, the addiction was part of the overall video game addiction. For example, if someone were to remove every ingame achievement, goal, objectives, action orientation in say WoW or other standard mmo's and all that was left were cities where people hung out and talked and roleplayed - basically animated online chatrooms - I think I would have gotten bored and found a different game and new group of ingame friends who wanted to play the game with it's goals and achievements and stuff. What's sad is it seems each of those types of "games" (still not sure they are truly video games in the classic sense or not) has ended up becoming/containing increasing levels of sexual content (classic video games would not consider or allow players to build a sexual town or room ingame to role play sexual activity as your "friend" did as part of the "game") which is the perfect place for predators to go after young people. Either way, the only way out is uninstall all of those "games" and delete all ingame friends. It is the only thing that worked and then get focused on recovery and help in a 12 step group where you will meet and make friends in real life. I found that it didn't take much more than a few weeks or a couple months to no longer have those strong emotional feelings towards ingame/online friends. You mention you've tried but go back in a day or 2. Read the withdrawal symptoms listed here - they last usually 8-10 days and they are agonizing but they do pass. What Tommi says is true - online relationships aren't usually real and worse, can be horribly destructive. You're not alone in what you describe. Run for your life from those places - you are better than that and deserve to be loved and valued as a real life person.

Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014

Silvertabby
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IMVUnotsomuch wrote:  I
IMVUnotsomuch wrote:

I know he has just been using me.

Hi IMVUnotsomuch and welcome to Olga. You have summed up your relationship with this man right here. I think, if you really think about it, you will realize he's not truly interested in you as a person, but only as a plaything. I know you are above this kind of relationship. I would encourage you to get off your computer and meet and form relationships with real people, not fantasy online ones. I know it's hard....if you're like many of us addicted to online games, we don't even know how to socialize with real people. But we learn and learning comes by practicing. I'm glad you posted here because it shows you want a change. You just don't know how to make that change. Like the others have said, I would also encourage you to come to our meetings. You don't have to do this alone. Best of luck to you.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

IMVUnotsomuch
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I really do appreciate all

I really do appreciate all of you for taking the time to reply, I have taken onboard what everyone has said. And I agree that it is probably the lack of confidence in the real world which is making me want to stick with the virtual life. As i'm suppose to be starting college soon I hope I can make new real friends, as well as get rid of the sites which I am addicted to. Definetly going to be difficult for me, but If i can get past the withdrawal symptoms as spoken about then I hope I can be free from it all :)

Thank you very much all, I will attend the chat meetings :)

dottiedsl
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Went back to imvu....need help to stop

I sought help over a year ago from gaming on IMVU....I went back and got involved with another man.  I have spent and sent this man thousands of dollars....It is hurting me financially in the real world.  I need to stop.  How do I talk with others who have had similar experiences on IMNVU..

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