I game because I'm a loner; and want out because I don't want to be alone.

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thelonelyexgamer
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I game because I'm a loner; and want out because I don't want to be alone.

Hi, my name is Paul and I am a lonely gaming addict. I decide to quit today when I decide to get food. I realize all my housemate went out. There would be times where I notice that someone is here and that I'm not the only lonely guy in the house. However, today felt different. I went out and it seems like everyone is part of a group or have a buddy. Even the unattractive bearded man has a friend (sorry if I offended anyone, some beards are cool). I just felt sad. I told myself that I was alone because I chose to. I did, I chose to game. I always carved for connections with people, but gaming is safer. It was always there. I am also bad at socializing, so I believed. I grabbed my food, ate it, and continued to game. The sadness was gone. Gaming was my escape.

I do have friends in L.A, but I am staying at San Diego for my education. I am a loner there. I also started to spend a lot of money on gaming. Even though my family is poor and I am running out of money for my last quarter in college until I get my financial aid next year. I still found myself spending $100+ on video games per month. Money for new games, add ons, and in-game currency.

I game my entire life. My cousin introduced me to video games. The first most memorable game to me on SNES is Earthbound. It was amazing experience while gaming. It gave me a story, characters to build on, and the desire to continue. I wasn't addicted back time. I just finish the game and continue with life. I continue the same way with Gameboy Pokemon Red, PS Final Fantasy IX and PS2 FFX. I would have a burst of gaming in a few days and stop playing when I finished. Then my friends introduced me to online mmorpg like Runescape then later Maplestory. I got a serious addicted and come home after school just grinding to level my character. It was okay, because I have a lot of free time. However, I realized my friends stop inviting to hang out, because I was saying no too often. I told myself I would quit gaming. I managed a good year. I got fit, but I was still lonely. I'm not a social person. I eventually found myself addicted to animes and tv shows. I would eventually get drawn back to gaming.

I eventually started to steal money from my moms purse to enhance my addiction. I been caught when I decide to use her credit and my dad decided to have people investigate if the credit number was stolen. I came clean, because he said that person would go to jail if he reports it.

My cycle became coming home from school and gaming unt it's time to sleep. However, I didn't have much responsibility back then.

Now I transferred to a four year college and am 21 years old. I miss my opportunities to join clubs and fraternities. I decide to play games this whole quarter and just do those next year. I was suppose to apply for internships. I need to sell my camera and iPod for food. I need to cancel my credit card from specific stores. I need to cancel my six flag membership. I didn't. I play games. I woke up and game unilt it's time to sleep. I occasionally ditch lecture to game and sleep more. I stopped working. I just continued to game.

I don't know if anyone would read this. If you did, then I'm telling you I feel like crap right now. I just want to play games even though I know it's the cause of the pain, because for those hours, when I am playing, I would happy. When I stop, I just see a unattractive bearded man that is alone. Who has stop working out. Who has given up on a social life. I fear if I stop gaming I would still be a loner, but with nothing to do. The loneliness would then cause me to play again and the cycle will continue. If I game, at least I still have that.

I appreciated you taking your time to read my story. Truly thank you. (and sorry for the grammar, you beared through)

Polga
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Hi Lonelyexgamer I am sorry

Hi Lonelyexgamer

I am sorry to hear about your problem but really glad you have found OLGA. There are so many people here that have already been in your shoes and can help you to get out of this.

You are not too late to take advantage of all that life can offer you. You are still so very young. You are taking the first steps right now. If you were my son I would be so thankful that you were starting to change your fate, even though the road ahead may be tough. You have so much to gain. Life will be good again

All the best xxx

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RisenPhoenix (not verified)
Hello lonelyexgamer!  I'm

Hello lonelyexgamer!

I'm so glad that you found your way to OLGA. I understand your feeling of loneliness. It was the reason I gamed. I found that I was more social in game than in life. It was so bad that my husband felt like he didn't even have a wife. I spent more time gaming than I did with my family. But ever since I stopped gaming, my husband has noticed the drastic positive change.

i suggest for you to stick around and attend the meetings. It's helped me a lot.

benek
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Hi Paul, Welcome to OLGA,

Hi Paul,

Welcome to OLGA, and thank you for your honest share.

I'm a recovering game addict. Today is day 44 game-free for me. There is a lot in your story that I recognise: feeling sad, and socially uncomfortable, and escaping from those feelings into a game; spending large amounts of time playing that could have been better spent on something constructive; procrastinating on tasks that need to be done by a deadline, just to play; being dishonest in my family relationships because of gaming; quitting for a while, then coming back to games; missing classes, and not meeting personal goals, just to game; playing games to relieve psychological pain and distress.

It was difficult for me to decide to quit. I didn't really want to do it. But when I took a hard look at the effect that gaming has had on my life, it was clear to me that this is the best thing for me to do. I've tried to quit several times, but always came back to gaming, as it is an easy way for me to self-medicate stress and underlying psychological issues, like anxiety and depression. In order to have lasting recovery, I needed to reach out for help, at OLGA, and also in my life.

I wasn't sure from your post if you've decided to quit or not. If you have decided to quit, or if you decide in the future, we are here to help.

May Light
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Welcome to OLGA

Welcome to OLGA thelonelyexgamer! I am not a gamer but happened to read your post just then. I can see some similarities between your story and my son's. He too neglected his friends to game... Eventually his friends too stopped inviting him because he said no too often so that he can game...

But I am afraid the reality is unless you stop gaming, the other aspects of your life can not improve. Gaming takes a lot of time and affects your brain in a negative way. But if you are ready to quit, even though the first few weeks would be very difficult, eventually you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That is what recovering gamers talk about and that is what we experienced with my son also. You can take on board the things you used to enjoy or new activities. Once you introduce new activities in your life, you will start meeting new people and start making friends. Gaming causes social anxiety and self confidence issues as well. We have lived through this with my son. He lost his self confidence, he was lonely, he stayed away from social events and didn't want to socialize with anyone..... Only after stopping on-line gaming completely his life started improving.

Taking the first step and deciding to quit is the hardest. But once you do that, you can stay sober with the help of OLGA community if you like. The recovering gamers are wonderful here and they can so much relate to what you are talking about. They are very understanding, supportive, caring and helpful. I hope you can stick around and benefit from this community in helping you quit gaming and start living your life. You deserve better... You are still very young and your whole life is still ahead of you... You don't have to spend your life behind the screens. There are people out there who would like to be friends with you if you give them a chance by allowing yourself to get engaged in variety of activities instead of gaming.

I hope you didn't mind me chiming in...

Good luck to you. I hope you can decide soon what is best for you and stick with that decision. Take care!

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." "The first step toward change is acceptance." "Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do." "Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."- Will Garcia

Scott
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Welcome Paul.  Glad you

Welcome Paul. Glad you found us, you're in the right place. Many of us have had these same problems you talk about. Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to much of it.

Please come to the daily meetings and make connections. We stay off the games by supporting each other in adopting a new game-free way of life.

The voice of addiction is very strong and does its best to drive us back to gaming. But we don't have to believe its lies. The truth is that one day at a time we can take steps in a better direction, and even though the progress seems painfully slow and the addiction tells us to give up, if we keep moving in that positive direction day by day, one day soon we wake up to a new life and feel good about ourselves and how life is going.

What you feed grows, and what you starve withers away.

dusty0
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Welcome Paul. Like others, I

Welcome Paul.

Like others, I can relate to a great deal of your share. The part about craving relationships but choosing to game particularly resonated with me. I remember frequently sitting alone at my computer feeling wretched, rejected, and lonely - and it was all self inflicted. No one else rejected me; I rejected me! You've already started down the path by reaching out here. Keep coming back! Meetings were so helpful for me in my early recovery.

Hugs and good wishes

thelonelyexgamer
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Hi Olga Members, Thank you

Hi Olga Members,

Thank you guys so much for chiming in. I appreciate it.

I went back to L.A for the weekend because I was depressed. I just had lunch with my parents and little brother. It turns out they were heading to San Fransico afterwards for a vacation. The whole day, I told myself no gaming and no television today. So I went to Jiffy Lube to get my oil change. Now I'm back home and alone again. I was ready to jump right back on to GW2 (game). I realized that I should probably check if OLGA before I game, just in case.

Thank you for your support, your messages, and your stories. I don't feel alone when I read them. I have delete all my phone games, but I done them before. It is the mmorpg games that I am having trouble deleting.

I spent so much time and money on it, it seems like a waste to stop.

For now, I'll keep rejecting gaming and hopefully one day I'll be able to delete my characters. I am probably going to study a little and pick up my dusty guitar. I don't know if I'm quiting gaming correctly.

As for the meetings, I'm not sure how they work. I believe there is an chat room, skype, and a San Diego face-to-face I can attend (may have been discontinued). If anyone has info about them, please send them my way.

Thank you so much,

Paul, and I'll make today my first day gaming free.

benek
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Hi Paul, I'm very glad

Hi Paul,

I'm very glad you're following through on your decision not to game. It is a very wise and important decision. The decision to quit gaming and get help is the most important decision I've made in many years.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Withdrawals are tough. They pass eventually. And as you said, you are not alone.

The real waste, is the time and money we spend on gaming. The real waste, would be not to stop, because that way, you are wasting your life.

Don't worry too much about quitting "correctly." If you're not gaming, you're quitting correctly :) But to make it easier for yourself, it is best to distance yourself from relapse as far as possible. This means deleting games, unsubscribing, etc. If you want support with that, enter the chat room when some people are there, I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

There are two meetings daily, held in the chat room at 3pm and 9pm. One exception is the Saturday 3pm meeting, which is held on Skype. Here is a link to the San Diego face to face group, with the contact info of the moderator of that group: http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/32562 As far as I know it's still happening.

SheeshMode
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Welcome to Olganon Paul, 

Welcome to Olganon Paul,

it seems like you have a pretty big problem with games and abstaining from them even going to extremes to continue to game like steal money for more games. I relate with this, all of this even though I did not steal money from my parents I had the desire, addiction is a powerful thing and can make us do insane things. The key is to find a means of recovery by working with others and following their suggestions. You have a wealth of recovery information here and many people that are more than willing to help.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me to be realistic about the challenge I'm facing and to take good care of myself. If you need help PM me! I will gladly offer you whatever aid I can.

cookingfever
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I'am really sad to hear that

I'am really sad to hear that Paul. And i'am new member too in olga. But you can find some true friend out there. Just keep postive thinking. You can to be a good men again. 

 

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