Hi, my name is Paul and I am a lonely gaming addict. I decide to quit today when I decide to get food. I realize all my housemate went out. There would be times where I notice that someone is here and that I'm not the only lonely guy in the house. However, today felt different. I went out and it seems like everyone is part of a group or have a buddy. Even the unattractive bearded man has a friend (sorry if I offended anyone, some beards are cool). I just felt sad. I told myself that I was alone because I chose to. I did, I chose to game. I always carved for connections with people, but gaming is safer. It was always there. I am also bad at socializing, so I believed. I grabbed my food, ate it, and continued to game. The sadness was gone. Gaming was my escape.
I do have friends in L.A, but I am staying at San Diego for my education. I am a loner there. I also started to spend a lot of money on gaming. Even though my family is poor and I am running out of money for my last quarter in college until I get my financial aid next year. I still found myself spending $100+ on video games per month. Money for new games, add ons, and in-game currency.
I game my entire life. My cousin introduced me to video games. The first most memorable game to me on SNES is Earthbound. It was amazing experience while gaming. It gave me a story, characters to build on, and the desire to continue. I wasn't addicted back time. I just finish the game and continue with life. I continue the same way with Gameboy Pokemon Red, PS Final Fantasy IX and PS2 FFX. I would have a burst of gaming in a few days and stop playing when I finished. Then my friends introduced me to online mmorpg like Runescape then later Maplestory. I got a serious addicted and come home after school just grinding to level my character. It was okay, because I have a lot of free time. However, I realized my friends stop inviting to hang out, because I was saying no too often. I told myself I would quit gaming. I managed a good year. I got fit, but I was still lonely. I'm not a social person. I eventually found myself addicted to animes and tv shows. I would eventually get drawn back to gaming.
I eventually started to steal money from my moms purse to enhance my addiction. I been caught when I decide to use her credit and my dad decided to have people investigate if the credit number was stolen. I came clean, because he said that person would go to jail if he reports it.
My cycle became coming home from school and gaming unt it's time to sleep. However, I didn't have much responsibility back then.
Now I transferred to a four year college and am 21 years old. I miss my opportunities to join clubs and fraternities. I decide to play games this whole quarter and just do those next year. I was suppose to apply for internships. I need to sell my camera and iPod for food. I need to cancel my credit card from specific stores. I need to cancel my six flag membership. I didn't. I play games. I woke up and game unilt it's time to sleep. I occasionally ditch lecture to game and sleep more. I stopped working. I just continued to game.
I don't know if anyone would read this. If you did, then I'm telling you I feel like crap right now. I just want to play games even though I know it's the cause of the pain, because for those hours, when I am playing, I would happy. When I stop, I just see a unattractive bearded man that is alone. Who has stop working out. Who has given up on a social life. I fear if I stop gaming I would still be a loner, but with nothing to do. The loneliness would then cause me to play again and the cycle will continue. If I game, at least I still have that.
I appreciated you taking your time to read my story. Truly thank you. (and sorry for the grammar, you beared through)