I know I'm addicted

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suntime
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I know I'm addicted

Hi!

I know I'm addicted to World of Warcraft. I've quit before but my boyfriend plays and when I quit he quit talking to me overall. I couldn't hack the quiet or the withdrawals. I lasted without the game for almost a month. That was about a year ago. I'm really not sure how long ago it was. I've tried the parental lockouts to limit my time recently but took them off because the boyfriend was complaining and I couldn't stay out of the game for more than a few hours at a time. I have an ulcer from the game drama and running people through dungeons who are just plain rude. I want to quit the game and get a life again but I'm afraid of losing my bestfriend/boyfriend who I'm beginning to think is in alot of ways is just as addicted as I am. When I don't play I'm restless and cranky and when I do play lately I feel the same way. I don't like the way I feel alot of the time lately and I'm afraid I can't quit not just the game but gaming in general to excess. Like I said I know I'm addicted.

suntime
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My boyfriend is going to

My boyfriend is going to freak. I'm going to delete my characters. I'm going to talk to him about it first and not let him talk me out of it.

fly by night
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dear suntime,first off good

dear suntime,first off good for you,you have to think of yourself first.No game is worth getting ulcers and stresed out over.I know since i use to play wow and i would get worked up over it to,but then i found this site and with all the great advice,and people on to talk to if needed, it really put things in a perspective view for me.As for your boyfriend imho i would go with your gut instincts and delete your toons if thats what you really want to do,and if he flips he flips out, because you have to take care of your well being first and formost especially if you get ulcers and such.As for your boyfriend he will either accept it or not depending on how addicted he is,and in that case it might prove good to see if you can get him on here to see some of the posts on this site if at all possible to.Good luck and i hope you can find piece of mind and strength from this site and in yourself.

"It's all in your mind...Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.If you continue to believe as you have always believed,you will continue to act as you have always acted.If you continue to act as you have always acted,you will continue to get what you have always gotten.If you want different results in your life or your work,all you have to do is change your mind." Anonymous...

Skopos
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Wow hey sun that's great I

Wow hey sun that's great I hope you break free!

Gee so your boyfriend is addicted also and not supportive of your decision to quit? I hope this talk goes well for you.

Desire to Stop
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Hi Sun, you didn't post your

Hi Sun, you didn't post your age--my thought is that any boyfriend worth his weight will actually care about your well being. If he doesn't, better to find that out sooner, rather than later. I once heard it said that addicts don't form relationships, we take hostages. Keep that in mind when you get ready to delete your characters.

I also found myself at the same point with gaming after over 4 years of playing WoW--wasn't enjoying it, coudn't stop playing, and was willingly driving my life into the ground in the process. You don't need anyones permission to delete your toons, and you don't have to explain to anyone why you want to stop--I know that when I was beginning to have an inkling that I wanted to stop playing the worst thing I could do is talk about it to my other addict gaming friends because they of course would cajole me to stay.

This is my first Christmas free of gaming in a very long time. It's been lovely to not race home from doing activities with friends so I can log into game, spending hours helping my daughter sew gifts for her friends, working on gifts we will give to family friends, planning a trip to the hot springs with my mother & daughter, not to mention, talking with others in the program to help me remember what my holidays used to be like. This year I know I'm really doing my best to be out here in this world, and as scary as that feels sometimes, since there is no thottbot for life, it's much, much better out here!

This isn't something that I could have arrived at on my own, as much as I'd like to be completely self-sufficient and all that. My *best thinking* told me it a good idea to level more characters to 80, to raid both factions, to spend real world money needed for rent on game gold, to risk losing my job, on and on--that's all the great stuff my brain told me were good things to do. Working the 12 steps with the help of a sponsor have given me an internal rearrangement that gives me a chance to not have to do the same old thing, and offers me a better shot at staying stopped.

If you get as far as having your conversation and deleting your characters (or putting that on hold and just deciding that for today, you won't log in, maybe for this hour, or even this minute), know that withdrawal does pass. There are lots of good suggestions folks here have to offer about how to ride this time period out. If you don't start gaming again, you won't have to do withdrawal over, and every craving you pass through is one less you have to deal with.

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

suntime
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I kind of feel like throwing

I kind of feel like throwing up. I'm having chest pains too which is just fabulous. It's the irrevocable withdrawal thing. I did talk with my boyfriend and he did ask me not to delete my toons. I talked with him about the ulcer and how unhappy I am with the whole game thing. He said he was sad and it made him sad to see my toons gone. I pointed out how sad my life is playing sometimes over 10 hours a day. And that if I had all the time I could do so much more with it and I never intended to lose any hope of a future outside of game by playing it all the time. It was a long conversation. I pointed out I didn't like me anymore playing wow and that I wasn't doing any of the things I used to do outside of game. By the time I was done being honest he stopped trying to convince me to stay. He then started talking about how he played too much and that he's thinking of leaving too. I gave up my dreams playing wow and I want them back again. I hope my boyfriend understands that and understands I still love him. I think i'm running out of space so i'm going to continue this in the next post.

suntime
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Continuing...I gave away all

Continuing...I gave away all my gear, money and alt banks I had accumulated over the last few years and cancelled my account. I don't know if I'm going to send my disks in to the fishbowl once I find them...(I hid them from my family so I have to figure out where I put them) Or if once I find them I may break them and wrap them up and give them to my oldest daughter as a present. She told me I was addicted years ago. I've been in denial awhile now. I figured after I went back to it that because I knew I had a problem I could handle it. I was very, very, wrong. Even if I was to die tommorrow it doesn't matter because I know that tonight at least I did the right thing. So here's one day at a time. Now to figure out what I need to do so I don't relapse this time. My new years goal is to beat two addictions gaming and sugar. I just got diagnosed as having high blood sugar and the doctor says I need to eat right or I'll be a full blown diabetic within the next 4 years sometime. Yes my heads racing but it'll be ok One day at a time. Thanks for responding people and I'll try and log in tommorrow. My youngest is sick so I might be at the doctors with her. Otherwise I will log in. Hopefully that's ok because I'm going to log in daily until I get a year in game free. And yes I will take it one day at a time. Believe it or not the sugar may be harder to kick than the gaming. I'm going to have to learn to cook! I'm going to try and sleep now because I'm babbling. Goodnight and take care!

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suntime, I congratulate you

suntime, I congratulate you on your bravery! You are so right to want more out of real life...than playing wow.

The withdrawal symptoms will happen, but I have faith you can ride them out.

Good luck. You are not alone.

The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09

LaurelS9
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Congratz, suntime! i did the

Congratz, suntime!

i did the same thing - stripped my toons, sold their stuff and gave away the gold for 40 chars on 4 servers. This is the 4th attempt to stop the game by deleting a bunch of chars, but it is the 2nd time I deleted all of them.

In the 21 days since I did that, I've had 2 bouts of almost wanting to reinstall the game. Insanity!

Now, I'm struggling to find energy and wellness to go on with my life. I don't have ulcers but many other physical consequences of the long hours in front of the monitor.

I love what Desire to Stop said, there is no thottbot for life. It is where I'm at. I am still very angry with certain people in my life, including my longtime boyfriend who committed suicide 4 months ago, and my daughter who denies her own addictions while blaming me for mine.

I'm trying to take no actions at all while I go through these angry feelings. Just journal about them and pray and hope time will heal us all.

I am putting my physical recovery first, because, like they say, "Where the body goes, the mind will follow"...and I'm trying to not miss work no matter what. While gaming, I often used illness as an excuse to call in sick and binge on Wow. No more. Unless I'm contagious, I will be at work. I believe that work, performed in an attitude of service to others is an act of worship just as valid as attending church.

Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds hopefull and I hope it works out between you two and that you both find recovery.

suntime
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Thank you all for sharing

Thank you all for sharing and your support. After I logged on here in the wee hours I double checked my computer and found more wow files imbedded in my system area. I got rid of those as well. I also deleted all my other video games and I'll be getting rid of all of those discs as well. It's very strange not playing any video games at all. My hands feel weird not typing and moving all the time. I woke up this morning and told my youngest that I had given up wow and deleted all my toons. She looked shocked for a couple of seconds. Her eyebrows were definitely in her hairline. Then she hugged me and told me she was very proud of me. I found it really hard not to cry at that moment. She then told me I could pay more attention to her now that I wasn't playing the game. She proceeded to tell me that I payed attention to her "this much" she demonstrated with her hands. Then she said I could pay attention to her all the time. It's hard not to fell ashamed at that point and I did feel ashamed. I explained to her I would still do other things just that I won't be playing anymore. Help me not relapse. What do I do next? Thanks.

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Suntime, way to go! You have

Suntime, way to go!

You have all of our support and thoughts and prayers. I've been off 20 days, and it has not been easy, but with support, conviction and a view to your future and the big picture you can do it.

My biggest advice is to:

Limit your online time and general computer usage to the minimum (save work related purposes of course). Have someone you trust monitor this and put penalties in place if you have to (my wife fills that role for me).

Next WRITE DOWN (cannot sufficiently stress the importance of this) a list of activities, from house projects to holiday shopping to hobbies that you like doing, and FILL EVERY moment of your day with them. Try not to be idle, as it is your worst anemy. Keep your mind occupied. And try not to give yourself excuses, like wearines etc. as your mind at this point will try to convince you otherwise, and it needs to be re-trained. Make an hour-to hour program if need be.

The need to play is a result of deeper issues within us, and our unwillingness to face them. The 12 steps help get to those, so trying step 1 is a great idea. You can do it on your own, or get a sponsor down the road.

Good luck, we are behind you in your struggles.

Desire to Stop
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Hi Sun, great step

Hi Sun, great step forward! Good for you for finding those hidden files too! I was totally shocked that the WoW uninstall from add/remove seemed to have removed very little, so I too was glad I checked my system files to delete what was left.

Nausea can actually be a symptom of withdrawal from addictive online gaming--I spent the first couple of weeks with vomiting and nausea, which was very humbling because it reminded me of when quit drinking (I'm also a recovering alcoholic).

There is a link from the home page to symptoms of withdrawal--that is very helpful to check over. You might also find yourself with waves of fatigue. When I was in withdrawal, folks here told me that was common, and that sleep at this point was therapeutic.

If you have nervous energy in your hands, it might be useful to find something for them to do--knitting, crocheting, just something easy, you don't have to be goal oriented about what you make specifically.

I don't know how old your daughter is--my daughter was at her dad's for the first week of my withdrawal, but I believe she was home by week two. (I really don't remember to be honest; could have been week 3 when she came back.) I was still pretty foggy in the head, so I was pretty shameless about doing things like reading aloud, watching movies together, just being in the same room to get started. If you aren't feeling energetic enough for that and your daughter inquires, it's certainly fair to say that you aren't feeling well and rest will help you have more energy to spend time with her.

There have been lots of good posts about how to get back into "doing things". When we first get here our intrinsic interest in doing activities is broken from lack of use. So any tiny inkling to try something can be taken as "interest"--BigH has posts about this about how he just rode his bike around a lot, and the trick was to not question or talk himself out of doing things, but to get out and do. If you take the body someplace, the mind has to follow. Most of us find that part way through something we are actually enjoying an activity.

For me personally I had to have a "safe" check out method, and watching movies helped with that. In early withdrawal, I also renewed our library card and checked out some books and read.

My sleep was pretty disturbed from long hours of gaming and chronic sleep self-deprivation. It takes time for this to normalize. For me one important thing was to find something to do instead of logging into game if I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. I would read here at the site, or read a book.

I also found it good to have sensory experiences. I would sometimes go to a park, walk for a bit, sit down for a bit, write for a bit (was working on my 4th step at the time), but mostly just to be outdoors and have the sun and wind on my face was pretty radical. Likewise, going swimming without a lot of self-imposed "I should be swimming 20 laps" and instead just moving and getting back in my body again, and enjoying the water have been helpful.

As for next steps...you might want to consider posting on the sponsorship thread and consider getting a sponsor. The 12 steps are much better with a guide along the way, and a sponsor can help--there is a phrase in the AA Big Book (we don't have our own book yet, so I use this) that talks about solitary self-appraisal seldom suffices or something like that. I know for me that my sponsor is always a big help with this, since my own self-appraisal is what got me addicted to gaming in the first place. I don't turn my life and will over to her--but with her trudging shoulder to shoulder with me on this journey, and keeping me re-focused on the steps, principles and my Higher Power, I don't have to stay distracted by "shiney things".

One last thought--I know in many cases that it's suggested "You can't fight two tigers at once." I'm not a doctor, and I don't know your medical situation--but I do worry that perhaps trying to quit gaming and sugar at the same time might be extreme enough to make it hard to do either. This might be something to meditate on to try to find some solutions for yourself before it hits a wall.

One thing is for sure--cravings are less powerful when we begin removing the shroud of secrecy. So if you are feeling cravings, the best thing to do is start talking about it with a trusted friend, or perhaps us here at the site to start. Anything, to not be alone with it. Sometimes leaving the house, just to stay away from the computer until the craving passes can really help.

It's a good life out here--you're worth it.

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

Desire to Stop
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One more thing about

One more thing about sugar--I don't know if you are being told to cease all sugar or just white/brown cane sugar. We tend to prefer non-white/brown sugar in my household, and have learned to use other sweeteners primarily for immunity and mood reasons. (We get sick more frequently when we eat white/brown sugar, and too much of those sugars really make me quite insane and/or unhappy.)

I've found that I can use these in moderation without a lot of negative effect:

Agave - reputed to be safe for diabetics; similar in taste to honey

Real maple syrup - (B grade is actually preferred over A, since it has higher nutrient level)

Barley malt - very intense flavor, good for pecan pie or pumpkin pie

Rice syrup - very intense flavor, good for pecan pie or pumpkin pie

Honey

I don't use Stevia or Splenda much because they tend to confuse my body and I seem to somehow eat more of them.

We use agave as our general "all the time" sweetener.

I've also used granulated maple sugar as well as granulated date sugar for specific things that like a granular form and it works well--but these are very expensive.

Everyone is different with the whole sugar thing, so you might find that your mileage varies.

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

suntime
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Lots of good stuff to

Lots of good stuff to research from your posts. Thank you! I was getting a bit nervous about the sudden "poof" I was asleep again. I took the little one out Christmas shopping today and picked up an electric grill and a food scale. I'm going to check out the withdrawal symptoms on the board once I'm done posting. I found a few times today I actually started going through the motions of heading over to the computer to start up the game mindlessly. That was an eyeopener for me and pretty scarey. I just felt restless and found myself walking that way. I'm glad I uninstalled it. I think I'm going to ease into reducing the sugar because as you warned me. I am having challenges trying to break both addictions at once. I did have a good food day overall though. The best part of the day has been spending time doing what I want and actually accomplishing something. And today I didn't game at all. Have a good night everyone!

suntime
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Physically right now I'm

Physically right now I'm going up and down. Right now my head is splitting and I'm really tired. So I'm going to log off and get some rest. The chat tonight was really good. Now that I know I'm probably going to react to this stuff like I did when I quit drinking almost 20 years ago I'm going to dust off my 12 and 12 and my big book and get as comfortable as possible. Have a good night everyone!

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Sun--as I mentioned--I was

Sun--as I mentioned--I was very humbled to have my withdrawal from gaming so closely mirror that of my withdrawal from drinking. But talk about making me a believer that I really am bodily and mentally different from my fellows!

The other thing I had happen a great deal was this incredible mental fog that made me feel like my head was mush. When I wasn't exhausted or nauseated, it was actually nice in a sense because I could do things like clean a bit in the house without a bunch of internal negative chatter. It did make it hard to keep thoughts together, or converse at length with adults--but just getting some physical stimuli (wind on face, looking at leaves in trees, hanging out in a hot tub or pool, a nice bath) was useful too.

If you have a BB or 12 X 12--then likely you know how to find some meetings. The other thing that helped me greatly in early withdrawal was going to meetings and knowing that I could listen to others without having much asked of me. Especially if I was having cravings, it was nice to head to a meeting.

Hope you are resting well and hang in there! You're doing great!

Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.

Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.

Skopos
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Hey there congrats on making

Hey there congrats on making it through the day. I hope you have a plan for the withdraw symptoms!..something actually written down on paper seems to work best. Good luck.

suntime
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Hi! I've a BB and a 12 and

Hi!

I've a BB and a 12 and 12 I'm going to start working with them again. My first part of my plan to deal with my withdrawals is already complete. I went grocery shopping and got alot of healthy food to munch through. I let my Dad know what's going on because we went visiting him today and I spent half of the time there shaking uncontrollably. I finally told him what was going on because he was getting concerned. Ironically he seems to know something about what I'm going through. It seems somewhere along the way he's either met or knows someone who's been or known someone who's been addicted to video gaming. So my family knows and Christmas should be interesting. Hopefully this random shaking will be over by then. I'm tired and I'm going to try sleeping. I'm taking the little one in to see the doctor tommorrow morning and after that work on Christmas stuff with the little one. Have a good night:)

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LaurelS9 wrote: Congratz,
LaurelS9 wrote:

Congratz, suntime!

i did the same thing - stripped my toons, sold their stuff and gave away the gold for 40 chars on 4 servers. This is the 4th attempt to stop the game by deleting a bunch of chars, but it is the 2nd time I deleted all of them.

In the 21 days since I did that, I've had 2 bouts of almost wanting to reinstall the game. Insanity!

Now, I'm struggling to find energy and wellness to go on with my life. I don't have ulcers but many other physical consequences of the long hours in front of the monitor.

I love what Desire to Stop said, there is no thottbot for life. It is where I'm at. I am still very angry with certain people in my life, including my longtime boyfriend who committed suicide 4 months ago, and my daughter who denies her own addictions while blaming me for mine.

I'm trying to take no actions at all while I go through these angry feelings. Just journal about them and pray and hope time will heal us all.

I am putting my physical recovery first, because, like they say, "Where the body goes, the mind will follow"...and I'm trying to not miss work no matter what. While gaming, I often used illness as an excuse to call in sick and binge on Wow. No more. Unless I'm contagious, I will be at work. I believe that work, performed in an attitude of service to others is an act of worship just as valid as attending church.

Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds hopefull and I hope it works out between you two and that you both find recovery.

Hi! I've been having a rough time focusing the last couple of days. I reread alot of the posts to see what I missed and I have to say I'm sorry you've been going through such a rough time. I have alot of emotions running around. One of my relatives who was supposed to be watching me when i was young tried to committ suicide while I was in the house. They told me I called an ambulance and they saved them by pumping their stomach out. I still sometimes get angry even now about it. It's never really made sense to me emotionally at any point. But I wanted to say I'm sorry that it happened to you because like I said I can relate on some level. Thank you for sharing part of your life and story.

Suntime

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Ok I'm on day 3 I think. 

Ok I'm on day 3 I think. Yes I'm definitely at that point. Mind is still racing and other stuff going on. The good news is the shakes were not as bad today. I think I'm going to start writing again because I need something to focus on. Although I don't know how much I can focus right now considering how I'm feeling. I keep telling myself this too shall pass. The food's been pretty good today. Been working on doing the do things I need to do. Simply put I know it's going to take time but the little things I get done make me feel a bit better. I'm going to log off and try and read a bit. Try :) Have a good night everyone!

fly by night
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 i am glad to hear your

i am glad to hear your progress,that you found something you like to do,and remember if you have to,take baby steps on the writing.Like a sentence here or paragraph there,thats how i do my to do list or anything i try my hand at if i can. I break it down into sections when i can,if theres alot in one step for me to do,and im sure everyone here agrees that your starting out great,keep it going.

"It's all in your mind...Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.If you continue to believe as you have always believed,you will continue to act as you have always acted.If you continue to act as you have always acted,you will continue to get what you have always gotten.If you want different results in your life or your work,all you have to do is change your mind." Anonymous...

LaurelS9
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Baby steps.  I was sitting

Baby steps. I was sitting here getting overwhelmed with my list of things and inability to set priorities. Thanks for reminding me about that fly. And suntime, you're doing great, too. Thanks for the support.

suntime
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Hi Laurel! Hi Fly by

Hi Laurel! Hi Fly by night!

Everything seems to be baby steps right now :) The strange stuff is I have so much time on my hands not gaming that alot more stuff is getting done. I simply have major issues not moving my hands. I have to get going at several points during the day and night simple to stay sane! Sooo, I guess what I'm saying is it's good? :) It's hard not to be down on myself but even I can see the progress just by looking around our home. I have been so selfish gaming. I can see that now. The insanity is I have such strong urges to re- install. But looking at what I'm getting done the last couple of days and how happy my youngest is. I can't come up with anything that would justify re-installing any of the video games. My daughter means too much to me. I'm going to family's for Christmas so I probably wont' be logging in tommorrow. I just might make it home in time to log on though. But just in case I don't....MERRY CHRISTMAS! To those who celebrate and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

fly by night
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Same to you suntime,anouther

Same to you suntime,anouther thought and what has helped me out is to make a pros and cons list about the game, or games you played,for me the cons definitely outwayed the pros.What i did was put that list right next to the pc.,so it was a constant reminder of the negatives it put on me.I hope that helps you out to keep you free and strong.

"It's all in your mind...Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.If you continue to believe as you have always believed,you will continue to act as you have always acted.If you continue to act as you have always acted,you will continue to get what you have always gotten.If you want different results in your life or your work,all you have to do is change your mind." Anonymous...

fly by night
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Your also very welcomed

Your also very welcomed laurelS9,as reading your thoughts and ideas have helped me alot to.

"It's all in your mind...Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life.If you continue to believe as you have always believed,you will continue to act as you have always acted.If you continue to act as you have always acted,you will continue to get what you have always gotten.If you want different results in your life or your work,all you have to do is change your mind." Anonymous...

suntime
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Hi!  Sorry I've been mia. 

Hi! Sorry I've been mia. I'm still wow free. I almost re installed during the weekend. Luckily the office was closed so no one could reactivate my account. By the time the office was open 2 days later I had the urge under control. Right now I'm so mad and confused someone could hand me the disks and I still wouldn't re install. My "boyfriend" ha! Got back from his Mom's and didn't bother to call me. He's been home since Sunday night. I've been worried about him and not calling him because I thought he was at his Mom's still and didn't want to intrude. 1 guess as to what he's been doing. Yeah gaming. Seems he doesn't want to talk to me unless I call him online so we can game together. He actually started blaming his brother in law saying he made him play dune for 3 days straight and he couldn't pick up the phone to call me. I'm wanting to cry, scream and kick something all at once. Overall I'm angry/sad. Guess what I did today before he finally decided to call? I threw out my old ps 1 and all my role playing games. I tried to see if it was only online rpg's that were a problem or anything rpg video game wise. I guess it's like booze. If you can't drink anymore and you restart it only gets worse something to do with the body hooking into the chemical reaction faster because of old pathways in the brain or something like that. All I know is I did some really good things this morning for myself and my daughters. I'm not going to give that up. I'm sorry I'm so emotional tonight. He's supposed to be my best friend and I really don't like how I feel about that tonight. I'm not going to re install to be with him though, not this time. He showed me where his priorities are and they're not with being there for me right now. I'm not going to make any big decisions until I calm down. Sorry for venting.

LaurelS9
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Welcome back, suntime. 

Welcome back, suntime. Gratz on keeping your boundaries. Sounds like the boyfriend is one of us, too. And not yet ready to face that. I'm sorry he tried to manipulate you like that, and hope you can realize it's his addict who is control of him atm.

I can totally relate to the emotional rollercoaster. I'm on it. Not only is the lack of gaming causing me to struggle to find new healthy ways to destress myself, but life itself is throwing me some curve balls. Seems like. But it's possible for me to face the consequenses of my addiction AND the curve balls if I don't game and work the steps. Thanks for the venting. Let's hang in there!

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Thanks Laurel.   I

Thanks Laurel.

I appreciate the sharing and relating. It's a tough night but I'm not gaming so it's all good.

suntime
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I'm going back to literally

I'm going back to literally cleaning because the restlessness is driving me up the wall. Way too emotional. Goodnight all!

suntime
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My goals for the next 24

My goals for the next 24 hours. No addictive gaming for me. Work on some home projects with the little one and breathe. Have a good night!

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Yeah, me too, lol.  I took

Yeah, me too, lol. I took a tesslon pearls that I found in the medicine cabinet. It's given me a whopper headache, but my nose is no longer running...don't know which is worse, the headache or the runny nose...ugh...rhino-rhea...

I'm gonna try to get the clutter off the dining room table....baby steps.

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Hi Laurel!  I hope you feel

Hi Laurel! I hope you feel better!

Hi everyone!

I'm on day two of no gaming since my little experiment of what I can and cannot game. Simply put video game free seems to be best for me. Working on the food issues too. Overall it's getting through a day and doing the do things. I'm going to some phone/online meetings to help out with my recovery for the food and I'm going to google online meetings for video gaming next. Have a good day all! Happy New Year!

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Congratulations Suntime!  I

Congratulations Suntime! I think its great that you are working on recovery. I know how hard/addictive gaming, food, and relationships are. I also felt your pain when you described how crazy the WOW dungeon jerks are. As a co-dependent (recovering now), it used to make me so sad/angry when raid people etc would be so unkind. I would do and do for people in the game (just like I did in real life when I played that.) The problem was that I needed to feel needed by other people to be happy. This also applies to my ex's. Luckily, my ex didn't like playing wow. That would have made things a lot more difficult. You deserve a lot of credit for quiting even though your bf still does. However, I am familiar with dating addicts... It never ends well no matter how much I "love" them. Now my deal is dealing with my own feelings and not worrying about what others think or want of me. I have to nurture myself, not an addict or a co-addict. I also can't drown out my feelings in gaming, drinking, eating, etc etc. Although our problems are not unique, we are. The 12-steps work if we work them. We work them because we are worth it! :D

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other" -Abraham Lincoln

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Thanks jjguy  I hear you

Thanks jjguy I hear you and agree which is one of the reasons why I'm here :)

Hi everyone! I did get to a phone meeting this afternoon which is great. It was for my food stuff. There's phone meetings every day of the week for OA which is fabulous. So I'm committing to a meeting a day. I also connected with someone in the programme and I may have a sponsor for the food stuff. She said if I stay clean for at least a week she'll take me on as a sponsee. As far as the gaming goes I'm still coming here and I'm still clean video game wise today. Thank you for being here and sharing everyone! Have a wonderful New Year!

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Gratz, suntime.  I'm

Gratz, suntime. I'm wanting to get into recovery for the gluttony as well. Seems like I'm eating more now that I'm clicking less..:P

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Hi Laurel!  There's online

Hi Laurel! There's online meetings and phone meetings for Overeaters Anonymous. Google them if you need some extra support. :)

As far as today goes I'm game free but not emotion free. My Dad called me and he's drinking to tell me he hadn't drank since the 22nd of December and he's drinking one now. I talked to him for a few minutes and let him go. Long story. Simple put I was really angry and sad after and so many things went through my head.

I've stopped doing so many destructive, self-destructive things. The biggest thing right now, today, is I'm willing and trying to see and fix what made me go to those things instead of dealing with what drove me there. I'm making my date for both OA and here the last day of December. So that way I can't forget either of them lol. My memory has been somewhat unreliable so I'm making it as easy as possible for me right now.

The hard stuff but the good stuff is working out what's taken me into game instead of seeing what's been driving me.

I hope you all have a great day and enjoy the New Year!

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Another great share sun. 

Another great share sun. Gratz on the meetings. I think its awsome that you will be getting a sponsor. It can really make things a lot easier.

Sorry to hear about your father. My mother is an alcoholic (recovering); so, I know how hard that can be. What I have found frustrating is that I am as powerless over her & her drinking as I am over my own addictions. Although its difficult to accept, once I did/do I found/find some peace. I don't want to sound like a 12-step/meeting fanatic (although I kinda am), but I know that some children of alcoholics have found Alanon very helpful. Gratz again on staying game free & hang in there.

Sincerely,

John

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other" -Abraham Lincoln

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Hi John/jjguy!   I'm big on

Hi John/jjguy!

I'm big on meetings too for me. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay clean/addictive free. :)

Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I talked today for quit awhile. He apologized for being a jerk and not calling. He's frustrated with the game and the guild drama and hasn't been playing as much. So there's hope. He talked about us figuring out what we can do together that isn't wow so I think there's alot of hope :) I found out I can play online scrabble without frying a neuron so I'm happy lol. I can play a game or two of scrabble without any ill effects. Yay! lol. It may sound silly but I was getting worried I couldn't play anything without losing track of time!

My temporary sponsor has turned into a sponsor I think because she gave me homework lol. I think that makes her my official sponsor at this point. Been to two meetings today and there's another in 15 minutes for beginners that I'm going to for OA.(They're phone meetings) I'm taking the 12 steps in AA which OA people use and applying it to my gaming. I've talked with two other people in programme today and I'm going to eat, do some dishes, and workout tonight :) I hope everyone is doing alright and I wish you another 24 hours.

D!

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Good to hear from you

Good to hear from you suntime. Nice work!

suntime
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Hi!  I still exist and I'm

Hi! I still exist and I'm still not gaming. I have alot of thoughts going through my head lately and alot of them arn't pleasant. Mostly about forgiving myself for playing so much wow and before that video games in general. I miss talking to my boyfriend. I've been doing new things but I still have too much time on my hands. My head won't shut up. And neither do my neighbours. I wish screaming wasn't an option for them. I think I need to go find some stuff to do right now and get my head in a better place.

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Hi!  I just got off the

Hi! I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. We are both committing to calling more often and reconnecting. I really hope this works out. The good news is I feel better about things now that we hashed things out. I hope everyone is doing alright.

Goodnight!

P.S. Still not gaming.

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Good morning! I've decided

Good morning!

I've decided when you're feeling confused until the miasma settles down there's just no making a decision. Goals for today! No playing Wow! Work on steps. Workout and clean house. Have a great day!

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Yeah, I've been lax on

Yeah, I've been lax on facing the boxes of unopened crap in my home office. Gonna face box 1 as soon as I can shower and dress. first things first :P

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Hi Laurel! Yeah, I've been

Hi Laurel!

Yeah, I've been working on cleaning up the house alot more since I quit playing. Lots more time to do it! Have a great night!

D!

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I hope things are going well

I hope things are going well for you and your boyfriend, I can relate with the time spent with the kids and also on the house work. Stay strong, even if you relaps, start each day anew. You can beat it, you will beat it, one day at a time.

What finally "woke me up" was the wife left, I hope things turn out differant for you two.

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Hi.  Yes I've relapsed. My

Hi. Yes I've relapsed. My choice my boyfriend didn't pressure me. I'm going to try the controlled gaming for awhile and see how that works. If it doesn't....I'll uninstall again.

dark (not verified)
Hello Suntime, I am sorry. I

Hello Suntime,

I am sorry. I read most of your posts. You are in a bad place.

If I can summarize - you started gaming to share an interest with your addicted boyfriend, and now you are addicted. You fit both sides of the members here: addict and codependent.

Are you being really honest with yourself? Recovery only begins with complete honesty. Look at your life, your addiction and your relationship. Take some of the good advice which has been freely given to here.

Then make the necessary changes. If you are honest with yourself you will know what I mean.

Best wishes (sincerely),

- dark

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Suntime, thanks so much for

Suntime, thanks so much for your honesty. It took courage to come in here and post that you relapsed.

I know that controlled gaming didn't work for me. If it does for you, more power to you.

In any case, please stick around and let us know how you're doing.

Hugs! I know you can succeed.

First game-free day: 14 January 2010.
ODAAT

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suntime wrote: Hi.  Yes
suntime wrote:

Hi. Yes I've relapsed. My choice my boyfriend didn't pressure me. I'm going to try the controlled gaming for awhile and see how that works. If it doesn't....I'll uninstall again.

Don't kid yourself suntime, If your boyfriend won't talk to you away from the game thats his problem not yours but dark is right your being sucked in b/c he's playing and the only way to talk to him is thru this game i would toss him out and find you a new b/f that will stand by your desicions in life thats just some BS if you ask me and we both know that this controlling thing will last 2 days and you will be so sucked in again 3,4,5,6 months will pass with no idea. Don't fall in hun your a better person then him.

Game free since Sep 27, 2013

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Ooo, Moose...love your

Ooo, Moose...love your straightforwardness. Hope you don't get sucked back in, suntime....but one thing's for sure...you'll soon know. Let us know, too.

suntime
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Ok.  The first two days I

Ok. The first two days I played alot and then it just stopped. I didn't join a guild this time. All I know is I play the game sometimes and I lose interest really fast. This has never happened before. The only thing I can see is while I wasn't playing I started doing alot of things I used to do and more new things with my daughter. I like the things I've been doing while not playing alot. So, I think because I really want a change in my life and because I'm really enjoying the new things I've been doing that the game just doesn't thrall me like it used to. As far as being co-dependant, come on folks you don't know enough about me to make a judgement call like that. I didn't ask for anyone's advice about booting him to the curb. I said I missed him and was hurt. Any relationship with any sort of feeling in it is going to have hurt feelings etc when things are tough. So please, get off my back and stop bashing my boyfriend. Take care. D!

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