I've gone insane and I Need Help

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netcrack99
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I've gone insane and I Need Help

I hope this is the right forum. I threw a dart at the monitor to pick between this forum and 'My Story'.

To tell you the truth, IaEU(tm)m not much of gamer, in fact I have never played EQ in my life, but that does not mean I don't have my own problems. About 15 minutes ago, I realized that I was addicted to the Internet. I know this is OLG, but I could not find any working forums that deal with IA support.

It started a little more than a year ago when I went had a very rough spell in my life. The only enjoyable thing that I could find was the Internet and eating. Well, needless to say I spent 10-15 hrs/day on the Internet with the rest of the time dedicated to sleeping, eating, watching TV, and attending the occasional class. That semester, I went from 220lbs to 280lbs (in 4 freakin months ), completely alienated every single one of my friends, lost my sense of humor, pulled a GPA of 2.1, not low enough to be kicked out or even probated, but much lower than I am capable of.

By the time May rolled around, I had finally convinced myself that my lifestyle was not working. For the short term pleasures of eating junk, I was sacrificing the lasting pleasure of living life to the fullest. So I decided to exercise, exercise, and exercise until I would drop dead from exhaustion. It worked, I would spend 3 hours a day in the gym (at least), watch what I ate, and re-connected with some of those friends. This morning I stepped on a scale and it read 209 lbs. I have not weighed this little since my sophomore year of high school. I'm back in School, my grades are getting better, and everything is on track, right?

Wrong.

I just realized that while solving one of my problems, I had completly ignored another, my addiction to the Internet. In the past 24 hours, I have done five things, Sleep (8 Hrs), Go to Class (2 Hrs), Exercise (3 Hrs), Misc. (cook, eat, bathroom etc - 1 Hr), and play on the Internet (10 Hrs). I realized that this was not an isolated incident. Ever since Last May, when I thought I figured out my problems, I spent hours and hours and hours on the internet without even realizing.

Somehow, spending four hour chunks of time in front of the computer seemed normal to me. Somehow never alternating my routine between those few things never seemed a little odd. Somehow only talking those re-connected friends on IM and rarely meeting them IRL was standard. Somehow, the headaches from prolonged computer usage were a result of working out too much. Somehow, having more friends on an internet message board than IRL was the fault of mean people. Somehow feeling Euphorically High when someone responded positively to one of my Message Board posts and feeling depressed when they responded negatively was just part of my makeup. Somehow, falling in love with a 'girl' I have never met or seen beyond letters on a screen was just part of the latest trend to normalize net dating. Yep, I am just your everyday normal guy plodding along through life.

I've worked really hard to improve my body as means to improve my self-image and my confidence, but I feel like this personal addiction to the net is ruining any gains that I make. I wish I could just give up the Net cold turkey, I believe I have the will power to do something like that. Unfortunately, I need to use the net for many legit reasons for school and work. For this, I ask for your help.

---Ben

PS. I don't want to hear about the irony of trying to beat Internet Addiction through an Internet Message Board. M'Kay.

PPS. I am also going to try limiting the sites I can visit...
Here is my list
-Any School Work Related Site that I ABSOLUTLY NEED
-Any Work work Related Site that I ABSOLUTLY NEED
-One Fitness Site a Day
-This Site for help
-Driving directions

Beyond that, nothing. Zero. Butkus. I will get my news from the newspaper, phone numbers from the yellow pages, I will talk to friends on the phone, and pleasure from life.

PPPS. I don't have any Everquest CDs to send liz, but i've got a box full of AOL CDs that you are more than welcome too.

Edited by: netcrack99 at: 2/14/03 2:04:29 pm

netcrack99
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Re: I've gone insane and I Need Help

I jsut wanted to add what I am feeling at this moment. I've been staring at my post for 10 minutes now. A little voice in my head is urging me to go to my favorite site, and another voice is urging me to turn off the computer and run, both of these voices are canceling each other out and I am almost paralyzed in my chair. Typing this post broke the spell a bit, but I am nervous about what will happen when I hit reply. Sorry, of this post takes a bit of a stream of concious, but I think I am trying to keep myself occupied while I figure a way to beat this. This post won't be spell checked because as soon as I stop typing, I will hit add reply and do a barrel roll out of my chair.

This must sound absolutly crazy to anyone out there reading this, but this is the hold this addiction has on me. I just can't seem to break it without resorting to more drastic measures. I will not give in to my temptation and I will beat this starting RIGHT NOW.

Hawkfeather Rowe
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Joined: 10/17/2002 - 8:41am
Re: I've gone insane and I Need Help

You actually sound like a intellegent, thoughtful and well spoken person to me Good work in deciding what you want from life and working towards it. You're 5 steps ahead of many folks towards getting what you want out of life...keep up the great work, live life and have fun in whatever you do

lizwool
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Re: I've gone insane and I Need Help

Dear Ben,

Thank you for coming and sharing your story with us.

One thing to remember, whether it be on-line games, or drinking or gambling or just plain surfing the itnernet, or chatting on-line - everything needs to be done in balance.

You are very wise to see what is happening to you.

That is the first step - until you actually saw that within yourself, you could nothing about it. Congratulations.

That is the biggest step.

Now it is up to you, to decide how you can balance out your life, even more. You have made some good steps toward doing that. Keep going!

Perhaps you will want to become involved in some spiritual growth for your soul.

Look at your life, and see what is missing, than explore and find out how to bring it back into your life, so you will be living a balanced life.

Thanks again for coming here.

You may want to check our "links". We have added many places there to go and read about other computer addictions.

pub136.ezboard.com/folgafrm30

Liz

Edited by: lizwool at: 2/15/03 6:48:42 pm

Liz Woolley

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