My second life almost destroyed my second chance

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randomhero
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My second life almost destroyed my second chance

((I am sorry in advance if this is long... I'm a writer by nature and my story has a lot to it I guess))

Hi,

I guess this is the bit where I say I'm addicted to Second Life... but my Second Life nearly destoryed my second chance with my mom. See two years ago I was addicted to perscription pills and I had almost lost all hope of having a relationship with my mother. I love my mom and she has been the one person in my life that has stuck by me through thick and thin. I was lucky enough to have her help in getting clean off of the pills. I am happy to say I have been clean of pills for over a year.

I thought I was in the clear addiction wise, really I did. I had always been a bit of a gamer and I never had a problem with any game before. I played WOW and had no issue or sign of addiction. I have been playing console games since I was 4 and I would (and still) go months and months with out touching my controller because I have never in my life felt the NEED to play something. That is until I watched an MTV True Life about online games and Second Life was mention.

To me it seemed like an enchanting escape from the problems of my life. So before I even finished watching the episode I had already signed up with an account and downloaded the viewer. I was home alone, my mom out visiting friends and my half-brother was with his father for the weekend. It was perfect. I spent all night getting acquainted with my new magical life where I could be as tall as I please, have my hair always perfect, wear clothes that for the most part fit like a glove. It made me instantly feel powerful and quickly I was getting attention from people.

I felt instantly loved and wanted. I had a job working as a "Dancer" with in a few days and soon the Linden Dollars started rolling in. I felt that my life had some strange purpose all of the sudden. I would flirt with men and they would give me huge tips and take me on lavish shopping sprees to get whatever I wanted. For a fairly overlooked girl who had just come out of horrible time in her life this was heaven.

Soon I had a whole virtual family and I was the perfect daughter for the first time in my life. Then much like real life I met this boy, he seemed wonderful had a gorgeous avatar and a voice that would make me melt. I fell in love... or something that felt like love. Soon my whole life became sitting on the headset with my would-be-love and going about my life. Because outside of SL I had no life.

My relationship with my mother quickly began to crumble. I was different and everyone saw it. I stopped answering my phone unless it was SL related. All I would talk about to my RL friends and family was what was going on in my "Second Life". It got to the point that everyone around me just stopped trying to talk to me.

It became all consuming, all important. If you weren't made out of pixels that you really didn't matter to me. It went on like this for three months, the whole summer. Then in early this September I had internet issues. I couldn't get online... I couldn't get on SL. It felt like the world was shrinking around me. I couldn't breath, I was in a full blown panic attack over something that was just spoused to be a distraction. After the intial three or four hours, when the one friend in RL I had left came to take me out... and I found myself wishing as we were driving to a near by bigger city to grab some lunch with friends that it would be so much easier if they could have just sent a TP than I realized I had a major issue.

I was addicted to a game. I felt weak. I had overcome a serious percription pill addiction with out help from anyone but my mother. That proved I had a strong will, how could I have ever let something like a game take over my life like the drugs had. I was disgusted with myself.

after the outing with my friends I came home and sat looking at my log in screen for ten minutes. When just looking at the log in screen made my mouth water I knew it was time to commit second life suicide. I logged back in one final time, my mother sitting on the couch next to me, proud of the fact I had finally admitted what my family and friends had been telling me for months, while I wrote my good bye note card to those near and dear to me in this virtual world. With the note card sent I uninstalled all the viewers I had and turned off the computer.

I felt like a weight was lifted. I haven't redownloaded the viewers since then and it's almost December. That doesn't mean I'm an angel. I still have the account and still get e-mails from SL... every time I see a notice for my ex-sl-hubby DJing I get this overwhelming feeling to punch something because I know he's moved on in SL and has a new lady love. Though I have a healthy RL relationship, a job and most of all my life with my family back to normal there are days I long to slip back into the alluring world that was my Second Life.

I try so hard not to think about Second Life.. I am still friends with people that I knew on SL, they understand the situation I ended up in and susport my choice to leave SL. It's a struggle not to go back. More of struggle than my previous addiction. I often feel like I am alone in this struggle to keep clean of a game.

The ironic thing to me is that I can still play many other games and have a healthy "relationship" with them. I am not in need to play them like I was Second Life. It perplexes me greatly how I can play all sorts of other games and be fine... no addiction to them what so ever... but even looking at a screen shot or video clip of SL make me crave it like a drug. My body has the same reactions physically.

I guess I finaly felt the need to share my story after strongly considering redownloading the viewer today. I'm proud to say instead of doing it I went to my mom and talked through my need to go back. I consider myself extreamly lucky to have a mom that will talk me through the concequence of going back. I know what they are but sometimes it's hard not to go back.

Maybe by sharing my story and finding people who have gone through it themselves that I will find that extra little bit missing in my recovery from my SL addiction. Because I need to put this completly behind me to make the steps forward that my life needs.

So here I post this in hopes that I will no longer feel so alone and maybe by someone reading this they will find either a cautionary tale and maybe something good can come out of a nearly life destroying experience.

Thank you, I hope I didn't ramble... and thank you for having an organization like this... I only wish I had found it sooner, maybe this all could have been avoided.

There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors. - Jim Morrison

Monica41
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Welcome to Olganon.  This

Welcome to Olganon. This site great place for support with many wonderful people. I'm so happy for you that you found your way out of Second Life and back to real life. One thing I'd do though if I were you is to delete your account to remove any temptation to revive your old SL.

Monica

"Fall seven times and stand up eight."
Japanese Proverbs

althea
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Dear Randomhero....you are

Dear Randomhero....you are my random hero. I want to quit Second Life. That is why I am here. I need to stop. Reading your note is giving me courage.

Kate1song
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Hugs to you both RandomHero

Hugs to you both RandomHero and althea... I too was emmersed into Second Life before moving with a sl "friend" to another addictive online game, but ..

Quitting online gaming and letting go of my SL avatar was one of the hardest things i've ever done...

Althea, sometimes one has to take action, even when emotions arent necessarily in agreement...

If you know that leaving the game is the right thing for you, just do it...

Thats what i did... I left, and haven't gone back... and am living with my head and heart clear in Real Life...

I know thats the best place for me...

dark (not verified)
Congrats Random and

Congrats Random and welcome!

Ex SL gamer here. So glad I left before it destroyed my life too.

- dark

starryeyed
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Second life is well

Second life is well named!

It gives people a chance to be a more idealized version of themselves or someone they would love to be and also a huge social life online that thruogh the art of graphics and scripting gives the illusion of interaction and also an illusion of freedom that by the way you do pay a price for I believe in the deepest sens of self worth.

Heady stuff indeed. If you stay long and hard enough your real life begins to dissolve and is replaced by pixels.

I enjoyed role play and the artistic and imaginative aspect of it but I became disenchanted after witnessing some rather disturbing things - SL can also be a very unpleasant and amoral place with no direction or emotional(spiritual) growth . I may not have had as hard a time here as some with wanting to go back and play but I am of the same mind as those who say that these games have a very dark side to them.

There are many insightful posts here regarding computer games and certainly support.

randomhero
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thank you all for your kind

thank you all for your kind words. I knew there were other people like me out, it actually is comforting knowing that I am not alone in this issue.

There are things known and things unknown and in between are the doors. - Jim Morrison

hirshthg
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i have been depressed for

i have been depressed for many years and never thought that the reason could be that i was gaming... but it makes sense to me now...

i have been suicidal of about half my life... so i can relate to that.

we are lucky to all be here, and not in heaven

leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized)
sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010

Serena
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randomhero ~ At 22 years old

randomhero ~

At 22 years old you are too young to give up on real life

and check out by burying yourself in Second Life. I, too,

became quickly addicted but "got out" after almost four

months. It is a good thing you are being diligent about

not getting sucked back in. Your life is precious and wants

the close attention you once devoted to Second Life. Plant

your garden and the flowers will grow!

Serena

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." Albert Einstein

"You don't get to choose how you are going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you are going to live. Now." Joan Baez

Mario
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Remember that when you leave

Remember that when you leave Second life... you don't lose anything. When we shut one door another opens. When you shut Second life for good, your life opens for good. Enjoy your life and put just as much attention and details to your life as you did in Second Life. All will be well. For for God's sake, don't go reopening that Second Life door!!

Mario

Siperpack42
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Gone for good

I had it all on SL, I was mr. rockstar in a SL band. Finally I had to just break away and step back into the real world. It took me almost 4 years to comeback from SL. Finally I decided to just walk away and uninstall the game. It's been 2 years now and I feel wonderful.  I am so glad to have found this place to post my story.  Best of luck to our comrades trying to move away from this addiction, you have our support. 

sladdiction
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Wishing love and best wishes to all SL addicts out there

It was a double edged sword to return to this site after many years.  This site saved my life as I was escaping SL.  I was reading through these posts, and it made me remember how helpful and wonderful all the people here were/are.  However, it is hard for me to come back and read about SL.  It's been years since I've been there, but those awful feelings are coming back just reading about it.  I think during my recovery that I was able to help some here, or at least I hope so.  I know Olganon really helped me. It's just too hard for me to return talking about it.  I feel the empty pit as I'm typing this.  Anyway, I don't think I can handle coming back here for very long, but I want all those who are still trapped to know that many others have made it out. It definitely can be (and is) done.  Many blessings to you all!

Addicted to SL

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Thanks for sharing that,

Thanks for sharing that, sladdiction. Glad you are free. You have to look after yourself so we understand that you can't stay.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Jdewberry1
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Trying to hang in there

I know this original post was from a long time ago but I’m posting in hopes some are still around. I too got trapped in my second life. I lost my boyfriend and had to move home. I ended up going to treatment and haven’t played for 6 months but I’m really struggling. I’m angry that the stupid “game” even exists. I haven’t found anyone who can relate to me until I came here and it’s just really hard to feel so alone in this. People don’t understand. Thank you for posting your story. 

Polga
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Welcome Jdewberry

Welcome Jdewberry

Thanks for your story. Many people are in a similar boat to you. There are many escape from second life stories on this forum. You are not alone. Use the search box at the bottom of the page if you want to find them. I hope this site can help you to connect with people who understand. Best wishes for your future

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

xxBIBxx
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No you are not alone. IMVU is

No you are not alone. IMVU is my addiction and why I'm here.

IMVU; my vice, my addiction.

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