World of insomnia?

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tiger
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World of insomnia?

Hi there. I accidentally stumbled across this forum by 'pure luck', as I've also (3 days ago) decided to quit the game.

Please try to bear with me - I'm Norwegian and English isn't my first language ._.
Also, sorry if this post is.. wrongly written, or anything. Sigh.

I'm now tiger. We all have masks.

I started playing World of Warcraft in the Open Beta last ~February, 2005. I bought the game once it came out for real in .. March? Yet I was a casual gamer. 4-5 hours a day tops. Didn't have any raids, or a guild, really. Just some real life friends. Summer time came, I got sick of it - and I took a ~2month break. Note that I never got to lvl 60.

After the summer was over my friends had joined a new server. I decided to hop on. I made my character, and started levelling. By this time I had moved for myself (I'm 17) and have my own appartment. Played until ~12 o clock, or 01. I reached the lvl cap (60) and joined one of the best guilds on the server, due to my friends recommendation.

But, since I just turned 60 - logically - I was far beyond in Gear etc, so I really had to impress them in order to stay. And so I did. I had a 95% raid attendancy. There were raids about 4 times per week, from 18.00 - 23~24.00

I got better. Hell, I got brilliant. By January I had joined the best guild on the server, and I also claimed being the 'best PvPer' (player versus player combat) on the server - Noone could take me down 1 vs 1. Wow, what a e-peen!

But as I joined the new, THE best guild - the SPONSORED guild, I REALLY had to show myself. I played from I got home from school - 16.00 until 02~03 per night. I got up at 06.30 in order to get to school.
I slept TOPS 3 hours per night, if I was lucky.

I didn't let my guild down. I was by far one of the most recognized players on the server, and my ego was without doubt the biggest.

I've never had a HARD time at school. I've been slacking mostly and gotten 6's and 5's - that means A's and B's, to you. I go to 'Mediums and communications', which basicly is a 'tough' place to get into, yet i got in, and I managed to keep my grades at 5's - ~B's. Yet I didn't pay attention in class, I had NO idea what SUBJECT we were at at any given time, nor what my teacher was talking about.

Early FEbruary I noticed I couldn't pay attention in school - even if I wanted to. I just COULDN'T bring my mind to actually LISTEN what the teacher was saying. I'd start to feel warm - and not the way I used to - but in an itchy kind of way. I got 'chills' - only with HEAT. And my stomach felt ice cold. I couldn't focus. My temper was running WILD.
I didn't show it - i never 'snapped'. Yet from VERY small things, TINY things, I'd be MAD - BOILING inside.
Stuff like someone simply walking to slow, using a few extra seconds in a line - i'd be FURIOUS. Yet I didn't show it.

Also.. remember I slept tops 3 hours per night.
and.. I started seeing things. Things that weren't there.
for an example, if there was a shopping bag standing at a table - I could walk into that room, and see a briefcase. nothing special about it. I'd walk past, turn around - and it's gone - instead it's that shopping bag.

I also saw PEOPLE - 3 classmates having a conversation, one pointed and laughed at me, but that one wasn't there. He wasn't even at school that day. The others 2 were sitting there, but only talking to eichtoher.

Sorry for saying so much, but it's alot I have to say.

About my social life - I have alot of friends, yeah. I would classify myself as 'social' - i'm not shy in groups, i normally have a few jokes, and people generally likes me.
I felt I've lost somewhat of my social 'skills' though - such as a 'fast tounge' - being able to reply somewhat 'funny' to almost everything. Still, I'm not isolated or anything.
Yet my friends also thought I was playing alot.
I prioritized WoW in front of EVERYTHING.

in my new guild we had raids EVERY DAY, starting 18.00 until ~02 in the night. Yet I didn't even go to sleep after the raids, I stayed up for a while.

But I woke up 3 days ago and i thought ' WHAT the HELL am I doing !? '
What do I have to SHOW for this in 3 years? I have 80 days played on this character - THIS ONE - and that's 80 REAL days. Not 80 days, in a normal year, but 80 days where I have been sitting in front of the computer - 80x24 hours.

I mean.. think of all the things I'm missing - think of all the fun I could have had with friends!

The reason I really decided to quit was THAT - and the .. psychic part. The fact that I feel I'm fading - not being able to concentrate, focus - my temper!
And the things that's not really there. They only last for ~5-10 seconds, but still.

And the sleep.. It's like.. being drugged, ALL the time. Not just in the morning - ALL the time. I'm not quite as smart as I could be, nor is my body in top shape - I'm not overweight, but i'm not a 'bodybuilder' either ^^.

So I decided to quit. I explained the guild and the server, they all said goodbye and respected my choice, yet they still preferred me to stay. oh well.
I haven't played the last 2 days. I logged on last night for ~10 minutes to talk a bit, yet I didn't really.. find joy in the game anymore, but I haven't done that the last 2 months - it's been a JOB, not a game.

It went fine, until an enemy came, and I killed him. Fine. Then he brought 2 friends, and I killed them all 3.
And then that feeling came. That 'oh jesus I'm the best' feeling. It's really pathetic, yes. But it was.. overwhelming, really. I've never done drugs - but I imagine it's somewhat the same kick. I've driven at high speeds, I've done alot, but this adrenaline rush beat it all.

I realized what just happened and I logged off.

--------

The first thing people wonder is - why don't i just stop at let's say 23.00 and go to bed?
Thing is - I'm not a casual gamer.
I can either be the best - or I can be nothing; not play at all.
there is no such thing as stopping for me. I have to go on, be the best, and prove it to everyone. I was all about being recognized on the server. Yeah, my ego was bigger than Russia.
When I'm not playing, I'm thinking about the game, planning it, or discussing it with others. Yeah, the other wow gamers really like me - but being the 'coolest wow gamer in the street' is basicly 'beeing the coolest kid with downs syndrome'. Being liked by 0.000001% of the population isn't really what I'm after.

I really, really don't want to sell my account.
I'd rather delete it before I sell it - 'there is only 1 tiger'. However.. I spent 80 days - probably spread over ~9 months, on that character. 80x24 hours infront of my computer actually working on it. It's like an artist destroying his masterpiece.

So...
Basicly i think I miiiight manage not to play the game.
However I'm still thinking about it. All the time. ALL the time. I don't sleep anymore even though I go to bed 3 hours earlier than I used to! I simply lay there, awake, thinking about WoW mainly.

I still can't focus! I still can't concentrate! I still SEE things that I SHOULDN'T see. I'm still addicted to the game, and it's my own **** fault.

What's your..point?
To be honest - I'm not quite sure myself either.

I just.. wonder if anyone have any thoughts.
About me, my situation. What I can do.
I want my ability to concentrate BACK - and I really want to stop seeing things, since basicly they scare the living @#%$ out of me.

Thanks for you time -

>tiger

Updated name, as requested 11/26/2015 by lizwool

Updated name, as requested 06/29/2018 by lizwool

sasja
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Re: World of insomnia?

Congratulations on being so clearsighted as to take the first steps before something even more serious happened.

We all want our addiction to go away the minute we decide to quit, but it doesn't work that way. There are tough weeks (at least) ahead, where you need to rediscover the pleasures of ordinary life and put behind you the empty thrills of gaming.

When playing, your brain releases endorfins - substances like happy pills giving you a very real high, and the withdrawal symptoms are just as real. Give yourself time.

It's been only 3 days, and your body and mind need to restitute.

I'll suggest you take up a sport if you can find one that appeals to you. Physical exercise gives you a natural high which eases the withdrawal symptoms and it gives you something to do in the empty hours your life will suddenly be full of where you may ache to logon and just go kick a little bit butt in pvp, or just to chat or see how everyone's doing etc, which will eventually @#%$ you right back in. And be competitive about it - time your runs or note how quickly you can lift more weight. That will help a little on the sense of accomplishment you'll lack after leaving wow behind.

All the best of luck!

shiva
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Joined: 12/13/2006 - 11:33am
Re: World of insomnia?

I agree with sasja, this sort of achievement that you are looking for can also be gained in arts, sports or education.
Problem is... it is easier to gain in computer games, as the only investment one really needs is ones own time.

Quote:I really, really don't want to sell my account.
I'd rather delete it before I sell it - 'there is only 1 tiger'. However.. I spent 80 days - probably spread over ~9 months, on that character. 80x24 hours infront of my computer actually working on it. It's like an artist destroying his masterpiece.

Remember, with your behaviour you are destroying the only masterpiece that really matters:

YOURSELF

------------------
What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

 

Xandtar
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Re: World of insomnia?

It is easy to lose in computer games, too, time spent there is time that one never gets back...

and I miss some of that time, like when my son was only five, and I played computer stuff while he watched TV behind me, hungry and bored...

oh, yes, I miss it.

What will you wind up missing, if you let this character stay strong in you...

Leveling in Real Life

tiger
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Joined: 04/03/2006 - 12:12pm
Re: World of insomnia?

Long time, no see.

It's been ~2-3 weeks.

I've logged on ~1 time on my character since last time, to see how things were going with people, and I got FLOODED with whispers - people wanting me to come back, wondering why I left, how I was doing.. and I got that, warm feeling of having a family. Also alot of people wanted to duel me for PvP videos, since I do have kind of a reputation on that server. So I did a few duels, and won.
And then..that..feeling, came back. You know the feeling when you just won something big? The adrenaline? The warmth?

So I realized what I had just done and logged out, and I still haven't logged in.
I just won't risk it.

I've played on a friends character on another server, and even though it was great fun - I didn't 'have' to keep playing, I felt like quitting after half an hour.

So I'm more addicted to my character, than to the game itself.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist (shrink? o.O) now, only seen him once, i'm going to talk to him again in 2 days.

Basicly he said that he had had some of these cases lately, it's a new phenomenon and that's why there's so little help to get - obviously :/

Basicly he gave me some tips, like calming down in the evening and making daily rutines to perform before I go to bed - nothing new, really. He confirmed my 'stress-attacks' and why I got them, since it's a 'reaction of fear', it appears.

Oh well. I'm going to see him in 2 days time to see how it goes, he wanted to do some tests since he said I was by far the worst case he had encountered

I still have major problems sleeping, however I get in average 2 more hours per night than before, which is about the double ammount - it helps.

I still can't concentrate nor focus, I still sometimes, see things that shouldn't be there, and I get the 'stress-attacks'. but I guess i'm improving, time will show.

So long ,

>tiger

 

lizwool
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Re: World of insomnia?

Hello tiger,

Nice to hear from you. I am glad things are going well for you.

Peer pressure is a HUGE pull on these games. With out others willing to give their real lives to play the games, there would be not games....

Think more of yourself, than them. You are worth it!

Keep on living your real life.

If you like the good feelings you get from helping people out on the games, look around in your real life, and see where you can help others. Posting here is a big help. Thank you for doing that.

Liz

Liz Woolley

shiva
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Re: World of insomnia?

Glad you are doing fine tiger.

Stupid question, but have you tried some really strenuous physical work.

I mean some stuff where you think you cannot go on anymore, and still go on running / working / pumping with weights.

I have not heard of insomnia cases, that have not been solved that way yet, though I have a limited outlook on this.

I only have had insomnia for quite some time when I was heavily addicted and lonely and depressed.

Take good care of yourself

Maxim

------------------
What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

Idlewild
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Re: World of insomnia?

crazy to think i was in exactly the same situation as this 2 years ago on an mmorpg, however it got worse before it got better, i never finished my original degree i was doing during playing the mmorpg, it was always in my mind keeping me up at night etc, eventually i took steps, i canceled my internet connection, over a year later i decided i could allow myself to get it back, i will admitt i always have the same tendencies to go and check out the game just for an hour or two, see whats happening and how all the people i once knew are getting on, but i resist now, got my life back on track, even allow myself to play an hour or so of another mmorpg, but i never plan on going back to the way it was! You'll regret nothing giving it up! my self confidence has risen, i'm far more socialable than before, and i'm 3/4 of the way through my new degree (admittedly i actually enjoy this one since its computing!)

Good luck!

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