Hi there. I accidentally stumbled across this forum by 'pure luck', as I've also (3 days ago) decided to quit the game.
Please try to bear with me - I'm Norwegian and English isn't my first language ._.
Also, sorry if this post is.. wrongly written, or anything. Sigh.
I'm now tiger. We all have masks.
I started playing World of Warcraft in the Open Beta last ~February, 2005. I bought the game once it came out for real in .. March? Yet I was a casual gamer. 4-5 hours a day tops. Didn't have any raids, or a guild, really. Just some real life friends. Summer time came, I got sick of it - and I took a ~2month break. Note that I never got to lvl 60.
After the summer was over my friends had joined a new server. I decided to hop on. I made my character, and started levelling. By this time I had moved for myself (I'm 17) and have my own appartment. Played until ~12 o clock, or 01. I reached the lvl cap (60) and joined one of the best guilds on the server, due to my friends recommendation.
But, since I just turned 60 - logically - I was far beyond in Gear etc, so I really had to impress them in order to stay. And so I did. I had a 95% raid attendancy. There were raids about 4 times per week, from 18.00 - 23~24.00
I got better. Hell, I got brilliant. By January I had joined the best guild on the server, and I also claimed being the 'best PvPer' (player versus player combat) on the server - Noone could take me down 1 vs 1. Wow, what a e-peen!
But as I joined the new, THE best guild - the SPONSORED guild, I REALLY had to show myself. I played from I got home from school - 16.00 until 02~03 per night. I got up at 06.30 in order to get to school.
I slept TOPS 3 hours per night, if I was lucky.
I didn't let my guild down. I was by far one of the most recognized players on the server, and my ego was without doubt the biggest.
I've never had a HARD time at school. I've been slacking mostly and gotten 6's and 5's - that means A's and B's, to you. I go to 'Mediums and communications', which basicly is a 'tough' place to get into, yet i got in, and I managed to keep my grades at 5's - ~B's. Yet I didn't pay attention in class, I had NO idea what SUBJECT we were at at any given time, nor what my teacher was talking about.
Early FEbruary I noticed I couldn't pay attention in school - even if I wanted to. I just COULDN'T bring my mind to actually LISTEN what the teacher was saying. I'd start to feel warm - and not the way I used to - but in an itchy kind of way. I got 'chills' - only with HEAT. And my stomach felt ice cold. I couldn't focus. My temper was running WILD.
I didn't show it - i never 'snapped'. Yet from VERY small things, TINY things, I'd be MAD - BOILING inside.
Stuff like someone simply walking to slow, using a few extra seconds in a line - i'd be FURIOUS. Yet I didn't show it.
Also.. remember I slept tops 3 hours per night.
and.. I started seeing things. Things that weren't there.
for an example, if there was a shopping bag standing at a table - I could walk into that room, and see a briefcase. nothing special about it. I'd walk past, turn around - and it's gone - instead it's that shopping bag.
I also saw PEOPLE - 3 classmates having a conversation, one pointed and laughed at me, but that one wasn't there. He wasn't even at school that day. The others 2 were sitting there, but only talking to eichtoher.
Sorry for saying so much, but it's alot I have to say.
About my social life - I have alot of friends, yeah. I would classify myself as 'social' - i'm not shy in groups, i normally have a few jokes, and people generally likes me.
I felt I've lost somewhat of my social 'skills' though - such as a 'fast tounge' - being able to reply somewhat 'funny' to almost everything. Still, I'm not isolated or anything.
Yet my friends also thought I was playing alot.
I prioritized WoW in front of EVERYTHING.
in my new guild we had raids EVERY DAY, starting 18.00 until ~02 in the night. Yet I didn't even go to sleep after the raids, I stayed up for a while.
But I woke up 3 days ago and i thought ' WHAT the HELL am I doing !? '
What do I have to SHOW for this in 3 years? I have 80 days played on this character - THIS ONE - and that's 80 REAL days. Not 80 days, in a normal year, but 80 days where I have been sitting in front of the computer - 80x24 hours.
I mean.. think of all the things I'm missing - think of all the fun I could have had with friends!
The reason I really decided to quit was THAT - and the .. psychic part. The fact that I feel I'm fading - not being able to concentrate, focus - my temper!
And the things that's not really there. They only last for ~5-10 seconds, but still.
And the sleep.. It's like.. being drugged, ALL the time. Not just in the morning - ALL the time. I'm not quite as smart as I could be, nor is my body in top shape - I'm not overweight, but i'm not a 'bodybuilder' either ^^.
So I decided to quit. I explained the guild and the server, they all said goodbye and respected my choice, yet they still preferred me to stay. oh well.
I haven't played the last 2 days. I logged on last night for ~10 minutes to talk a bit, yet I didn't really.. find joy in the game anymore, but I haven't done that the last 2 months - it's been a JOB, not a game.
It went fine, until an enemy came, and I killed him. Fine. Then he brought 2 friends, and I killed them all 3.
And then that feeling came. That 'oh jesus I'm the best' feeling. It's really pathetic, yes. But it was.. overwhelming, really. I've never done drugs - but I imagine it's somewhat the same kick. I've driven at high speeds, I've done alot, but this adrenaline rush beat it all.
I realized what just happened and I logged off.
The first thing people wonder is - why don't i just stop at let's say 23.00 and go to bed?
Thing is - I'm not a casual gamer.
I can either be the best - or I can be nothing; not play at all.
there is no such thing as stopping for me. I have to go on, be the best, and prove it to everyone. I was all about being recognized on the server. Yeah, my ego was bigger than Russia.
When I'm not playing, I'm thinking about the game, planning it, or discussing it with others. Yeah, the other wow gamers really like me - but being the 'coolest wow gamer in the street' is basicly 'beeing the coolest kid with downs syndrome'. Being liked by 0.000001% of the population isn't really what I'm after.
I really, really don't want to sell my account.
I'd rather delete it before I sell it - 'there is only 1 tiger'. However.. I spent 80 days - probably spread over ~9 months, on that character. 80x24 hours infront of my computer actually working on it. It's like an artist destroying his masterpiece.
Basicly i think I miiiight manage not to play the game.
However I'm still thinking about it. All the time. ALL the time. I don't sleep anymore even though I go to bed 3 hours earlier than I used to! I simply lay there, awake, thinking about WoW mainly.
I still can't focus! I still can't concentrate! I still SEE things that I SHOULDN'T see. I'm still addicted to the game, and it's my own **** fault.
To be honest - I'm not quite sure myself either.
I just.. wonder if anyone have any thoughts.
About me, my situation. What I can do.
I want my ability to concentrate BACK - and I really want to stop seeing things, since basicly they scare the living @#%$ out of me.
Thanks for you time -
Updated name, as requested 11/26/2015 by lizwool
Updated name, as requested 06/29/2018 by lizwool