yup I need help

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exeuquila
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yup I need help

Well here I am once again 1 year later.

I have decided to give up my game. I am completely powerless over it and it rules much of my life. I cannot 'just play'... and here's why.

1) The game increases my adrenalin and I have a strong desire to impress the other online players. In fact, the game is strangely geared towards having this arrogance and there is a lot of emotion invested by all the players; people work hard just so they can show off (in a very sad and isolated/alone kind of way--if you look at it in the 3rd person). This "rush" that I get from the game is addictive like cigarrettes and it makes my want to play more and more.

2) The game is very time consuming. Matches last about an hour each and I can easily get drawn into playing 6-8 matches per day.

3) The game is always on my mind and I neglect my loved ones and myself. All I can think about and plan is the next time I can play.

4) Health issues from all the clicking/mouse jerks (I'm not joking), posture, and staring at a screen cannot be all that good.

I have uninstalled the game (and all other games on my computer). This feels severe. Half of me says it must be done and the other half says that I am being cruel and that I cut away something that I enjoy.

I am scared of tomorrow. What am I going to do? Yes I am going to go to the gym and yes I am going to feed myself but I feel so empty and bored without my game. I am starting a new job next week. I need to get my mind off games!!! I will start a journal tomorrow.

Pray for me.

EDIT: "Gaming IS addictive and it CAN destroy your life."

socceruci
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Good job taking the first

Good job taking the first step. It is always the hardest. I remember sitting there for hours thinking, debating with myself if deleting all the games is the right thing to do.

One of the amazing things about giving up gaming is that you now have so much time, what do you do with it? Going to the gym isn't the only good thing. I personally have transformed my whole life, I am even successful at things I never thought possible. I have traveled the world, started businesses, and even have an amazing girlfriend.

I too wonder how to stop the occasional relapse. I think "1 week a year of obessession is much better than before" or "the lies I tell now while I play aren't as bad as before". You gotta suck it up and create a really good support system so the next time you have the craving all you have to do is pick up the phone.

Gaming is addictive and it can destroy your life. You are right there my friend.

dan1
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ex-- Congratulations! 

ex--

Congratulations! Rmember that there are a couple of ways to get support here-you can read and post on forums, and you can also attend the chat meetings, which happen at 9 p.m. Eastern time every might. I encourage you to try one--they've been very helpful for me.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

exeuquila
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Thank you for your

Thank you for your responses.

When I opened my eyes this morning, the first thing I thought of was my game--and immediately remembered how I deleted it. I got up then brushed my teeth, took a shower, made coffee and french toast and here I am. I will admit that I have already thought about reinstalling the game several times.

I can honestly say that this is very difficult.

I think the best thing for me now is to get out of the apartment.

Is there a meeting at 9 tonight? I will try to make it!

Gettingalife
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Yes, there's a meeting! Hope

Yes, there's a meeting! Hope to see you there.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

MOBA
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Good luck.  It's tough, but

Good luck. It's tough, but you can do it.

lilac
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I am in AA and how they

I am in AA and how they define alcoholism (addiction) in AA's Big Book (it's textbook) is this:

1. When you are not drinking, do you think about it a lot (obsession)?

2. Once you start to drink, do you drink more than you intended to, no control over the amount (the physical component)?

You, by your own words, admit to "yes" on both those questions when it comes to gaming. The physical component for you is probably the neurotransmitters, endorphins, and such that are released when you play. So it's a mental and physical addiction, and surely a withdrawal when you quit. So I"m validating your reality on your thoughts and feelings. Hang in there, get a sponsor, go to meetings. Good luck. You can do this!

I deserve my plate at the table...
I don't need two plates (that's ego)
But I will not settle for crumbs and scraps off the table!

ChrisMix26
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Yes, come to the meeting!

Yes, come to the meeting! It only gets easier the longer you are capable of resisting it. Try and make time to share at the meeting because there is certainly something invigorating just knowing that you're spilling your heart out and every single person there has gone through almost the exact same thing. There is recovery when you know that they understand. And they cheer you on!

It's time to make up for lost time!

Game free since May 20, 2013.

exeuquila
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Hello. I just wanted to say

Hello. I just wanted to say that I might not make it to the meeting tonight but not to worry, I'm meeting up with a friend.

Today was again difficult. The good news is that it was easier than yesterday (when I had a close call).

My biggest problem is feeling bored/depressed. I did go out in the morning and that helped, but when I got back the game kept coming to mind. Every time it did, I would say (to myself) "shhh, dont think about that" within 4 seconds of the thought occuring.

I have been sick over the holidays. It actually got me to face my problem, but it is also making it difficult to get out (because of the dry air). Tomorrow, hopefully, I can finally get to the gym.

I am trying not to worry too much and let things happen as they do... but at the same time I do not want to be too unplanned that I'm caught at home with a big enough craving. I am starting to get control back and say "no".

Anyways, I'll see you guys tomorrow in chat!

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Exequila, you have done an

Exequila, you have done an amazing job - by your admission of steps 1-4 in your original post, you have openly and transparently admitted your addiction.

Your stages sound just like what I went through. The adrenalin rush took over from healthy activities like Tennis and Weightlifting like I used to do - I think in part it's because the rush is so accessible. If I wanted the best adrenalin, I would just fire up my xbox 360 and within 2 minutes I would be into live, competing against the rest of the World. There was no social interaction or otherwise required, you could just push a button and go.

The first day is always the hardest, that day when you wake up and think "ok, I freaked out last night but I can control this, I'll plug/install back in, it's just a machine" - too wrong. It took me around 10 attempts to finally give up and on each one, the first day after was the worst.

Do whatever you can to stave it off - books, cooking, jogging, walking, tv series, whatever you can think of. Anything is better than going back, and the first part of healing from game addiction is finding out that you can survive without them.

Clean of my video game addiction since June 2011.

I failed my Wife, my Family and everyone who has ever supported me before. I spurned, I avoided and I dug deeper in my shame until I finally admitted to myself - "I cannot do this without the help of a higher power".

I commit myself to never picking up a videogame again and to supporting all recovering addicts and their affected loved ones in any way I can, whether through advice I can offer or simply through my story.

dan1
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exeuquila wrote: .... when
exeuquila wrote:

....

when I got back the game kept coming to mind. Every time it did, I would say (to myself) "shhh, dont think about that" within 4 seconds of the thought occuring.

That's still the main way I keep away from games. Even typing this message about not thinking about my games makes me think about them a little too much. I just push the dang thought away. I'm still bored and depressed because the other stuff I have to do is not as fun as the games were. Gee, whiz, it's too bad real life isn't just a trip to Disneyland. Anyway, I have plenty of struggles there, but the reflex of pushing the games out of my mind keeps me away from the addiction.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

Kate1song
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dan939 wrote: exeuquila
dan939 wrote:
exeuquila wrote:

....

when I got back the game kept coming to mind. Every time it did, I would say (to myself) "shhh, dont think about that" within 4 seconds of the thought occuring.

That's still the main way I keep away from games. Even typing this message about not thinking about my games makes me think about them a little too much. I just push the dang thought away. I'm still bored and depressed because the other stuff I have to do is not as fun as the games were. Gee, whiz, it's too bad real life isn't just a trip to Disneyland. Anyway, I have plenty of struggles there, but the reflex of pushing the games out of my mind keeps me away from the addiction.

I've something similiar.

One thing I do is visualize a river.. The self destructive thoughts (gaming or otherwise) are in the water being carried down the stream. I am standing on the bank just watching them float away....

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Wow, Kate. I just tried

Wow, Kate. I just tried that--it's really good. I think giving up addictive thoughts has to be less about force than it does about passivity and tranquility, and the river image really promotes that. Thanks for sharing.

Taking Steps toward recovery since November 2, 2012. The difficulty of the path makes it worth the walking.

Gettingalife
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I'm totally convinced that

I'm totally convinced that what I resist persists, so I'm consciously relaxing every time I find myself wrestling against life. It's as effective as gratitude in changing my view.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

exeuquila
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Hey guys!! I really

Hey guys!! I really appreciate the commentary. It is helping me through this.

I never got to the gym today. I got home from work and the couch grabbed me and I dozed off. My body is still repairing the damage from a terrible virus that gave me laryngitis. It sucks because, for the past 5 days, later on in the day, I've been getting a persistent dry cough (why immune system WHY!? )

My friend keeps telling me to download this new game because it's only $2.50 on steam and in my mind I'm like "naw-uh, all you (don't) need is a stepping stone that leads right back to the devil's workshop." Right now, I'm too self-conscious to tell him that.

I realize the rome was not built in a day. For me, stopping 'my big game' was a major change. I have been playing it pretty much non-stop since 2005 and it WAS a huge part of my life. I still play magic cards but not online. In fact, I uninstalled magic online (as I did all my games) and will not reinstall it. It is one thing to go to the store and play, but to play online would just lead me back to isolationland. However, I am still watching youtube videos of magic and comedy stuff (making a point not to watch The game). I realize this is not ideal but I realize my problem cannot all be tackled at once. What I do believe is that, with time and planning dates with friends/family, the computer will simply fade to a point that is very manageable. And I don't think watching youtube videos is a problem (but if I find it is replaceing the game I will have to be honest about that and take appropriate action).

I don't know where all the pieces will come to rest, but I know the game was holding a lot of them hostage. Now that the game is no longer being played I do feel different--better in fact. Yes there is a longing, but I'm beginning to see new possibilities that I was otherwise blind to.

Thanks again guys :)

exeuquila
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Not gonna make it to the

Not gonna make it to the meeting tonight. I am so tired and going to sleep :)

Gettingalife
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We'll miss you, exeuquila.

We'll miss you, exeuquila. Hope you get some quality rest.

Acceptance. When I am disturbed, it is because a person, place, thing, or situation is unacceptable to me. I find no serenity until I accept my life as being exactly the way it is meant to be. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.  Acknowledge the problem, but live the solution!

exeuquila
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Hey guys, just an update. I

Hey guys, just an update. I am still game free since Dec 31. Things are going well (just been busy). Take care all!

dan1
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  <-------- 7 Happy

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

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Exeuquila, Bravo! You are

Exeuquila,

Bravo! You are doing great...Congratulations on 7 days game-free! I hope that you keep writing it out and keep coming back. And rest is good...that nasty bug is going around all over...

And Kate, your river imagery is fantastic! I am going to use it to let my anger, frustration, sadness, all the negative energy related to gaming, simply float away!

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." taken from Papyrus, Corp.

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Great job on 7 days! Though

Great job on 7 days!

Though I disagree with Dan... more like 4 days of hell and 3 happy days! Just due to the withdrawal alone.

It's time to make up for lost time!

Game free since May 20, 2013.

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Grats on 7 days! Ex

Grats on 7 days!

Ex wrote:

1) The game increases my adrenalin and I have a strong desire to impress the other online players. In fact, the game is strangely geared towards having this arrogance and there is a lot of emotion invested by all the players; people work hard just so they can show off (in a very sad and isolated/alone kind of way--if you look at it in the 3rd person). This "rush" that I get from the game is addictive like cigarrettes and it makes my want to play more and more.

That is MEEEE!!!!

exeuquila
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Hello everyone! I just

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to say that I have now completed 10 days without playing DOTA (nor any other computer game). In the past I would switch between DOTA and Magic Online, but I have not allowed this to happen.

This week has been very easy to not play because I got a new job and am very stressed lol. No time for gaming anyways!

I cannot say I really miss the game so much; perhaps it's because I'm not really thinking about it.

My new job is demanding and I cannot make it to the meetings as I am going to bed at this time (like in 1 hour from now lol). I will be able to take part on the weekend nights though.

Anyways, this is all I have to say. I hope you are all doing well!

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Congrats exeuquila I stopped

Congrats exeuquila I stopped gaming for almost 2 months, keep the good work!

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