42 & wasted my life away with computer games

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42 & wasted my life away with computer games

Ive known I had a problem for a long time...

 

It all started when I was about 10yo or so when I was given a couple of simple hand held games, then Atari, then PC, playing games like Civilization and other city/empire building strategic games and now spent the last few years solidly playing 'Clash of Clans' on my phone (I'm not even sure why Ive wasted so much of my time on this game in particular as I see it as such a completely moronic game, endlessly grinding away 'to build stuff' - no strategy, no thought, no skill - though of course other players have told me it takes skill) always beholden to it (as it's online) when my past games I could just turn off and forget about it, though I guess in the end they have all been more or less the same waste of time.

 

Computer games are partly the reason why my wife left me.

 

Computer games are partly the reason why I have no friends.

 

Computer games are partly the reason I have no real career.

 

Theres so many countless times Ive just sat down and played computer games the entire day or night or week/s or months, my mind being whole heartedly consumed by it, living in this fantasy world where I am in total control, I look back and Ive acheived so little in reality... Ive wasted my life.

 

I am a colossal failure in real life terms. I live back at my parents house with no job presently. These last few years with 'Clash of Clans' app game has particurlarly taken a toll on me, constantly having the urge to check on the village/clan despite receiving no notifications from the game that anything had happened. Ive had some months without it here and there, so tired at times of the endless, mindless grinding away collecting resources, but Ive always returned to "just check in"... and find myself back in it 24/7. Ive spent very little real money on it, about $100, but Ive spent 1000's of valuable hours wasting away my life for pixelated nonsense.

 

I know I am already on my way to some form of recovery though, enjoying beautiful sunrises, sun sets and long walks in nature... and I know God is there to help turn everything around, I just wanted to share my story.

 

I hate vain computer games, such a meaningless existence, such a colossal waste of time for zero real life reward.

 

I hope this story helps someone.

 

Regards, Paul.

 

 

I don't have to be a slave to pixels anymore, I can get my fixes enjoying real life!

Polga
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Welcome Paul

Welcome Paul

Thanks for your story... you are not alone. You still have a lot of life to live. The fact that you are here and taking stock means that all is not lost. I hope this site and members will help you find your new path. Take care and best wishes.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

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Ritchy
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welcome

Hi Paul, just wanted to say hi and let you know there are quite a few of us whose lives got out of control with compulsive gaming. If you're looking to find out more about escaping the vicious cycle and turning our lives around for the better, come to the daily meetings. You could just listen if you don't want to talk yet. The voice meetings at 11:30am ACST are well attended. Hope to see you there.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

Rich

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Hello Polga & Ritchy, thanks

Hello Polga & Ritchy, thanks for the welcome.

 

I enjoy reading some of the stories here from both sides of the fence, it has really helped to put my own problems in perspective and understand them more. I now recall some years ago with clarity when my X wife angrily grabbed my laptop and smashed it on the ground one day. All the time I spent staring at a computer screen basically ignoring her just like so many others here, it seems like such a small thing at the time (playing a 'harmless' game) , but it must have been killing her. Most probably was a bigger factor into why she walked out than I even still realise.

 

It really is such a sad and depressing thing to live so much of ones life through a computer/phone screen... Easy to see in hindsight.

 

Anyways, I'll look into getting to a meeting.

 

Thanks again,

 

Paul

I don't have to be a slave to pixels anymore, I can get my fixes enjoying real life!

Matt77
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The Road Back

Hi Paul, I can relate to your story. I too have been playing a game on my phone for the last two years, (game of war fire age) and constantly checking it.  I have been game free for three days, and it feels like a relief to not have to worry about it constantly.  When you said this,

"It really is such a sad and depressing thing to live so much of ones life through a computer/phone screen... Easy to see in hindsight."

It brought to mind the ninth step promises from the big book of AA , which come true after diligently working steps one through nine. 

 

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

         Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

 

 Seeing how my experience may benefit others in the future, has not only helped me stay sober in AA, but I'm thinking one day may help me stay game free by helping others be game free.

 

Matt

 

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Hi Matt, I haven't read the

Hi Matt, I haven't read the 12 steps, but that quote definately rings exceptionally true. I am also battling alcohol addiction at the moment and seeing it lessen to a great degree lately, been seeing a counsellor for it the last few months and yeah, when I have a couple weeks completely sober everything definately becomes so much clearer in my mind and I become a much more positive person, anxiety and fears fade and I can see the beginnings of a bright new future. The same definately happens with these games, not constantly thinking of when a build is coming off or when to make an attack etc - part of my problem is I'm manic about efficiency (which I guess many hard core players are), so I need to be on often in order to keep everything running 100%. But when I stop, like now, my mind is so relaxed and I couldn't care less about it all going to ruin, because it doesn't actually mean or count for anything, it's all in our own minds and yes, computer games are just a very selfish escapism tool.

 

These 'free' app games and the people who make them are essentially evil hehe, so much thought and planning must go into their design to get people hooked and to keep people checking stuff all the time...build times, the escalating build costs must be all carefully worked out in order for the player to become so addicted and keep them on as long as possible and essentially for them to open their wallet (as much as possible)... Clash of Clans is reported to cost in the area of US$10,000 to fully max a village from scratch and most of that is in the last few levels, when players are hooked and increasing in levels they are getting depressed about the in game costs and build times - thus people are far more inclined to spend real $$$ at that time just to progress... not really much difference from drug dealers who give free samples to kids, knowing full well they have a great chance of becoming hooked and making big bucks off them in the future.

 

And yeah, definately, when people, especially family, co-workers or friends see the changes in you, it can only work to help those also having similar difficulties..

 

Peace,

 

Paul

I don't have to be a slave to pixels anymore, I can get my fixes enjoying real life!

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