Addiction in grad school

4 posts / 0 new
Last post
mabiaddict
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 5 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 04/05/2017 - 8:02pm
Addiction in grad school

I'm a graduate student and became addicted to MMORPG Mabinogi recently. I started playing mabi when I was still in middle school, but quitted it shortly after high school due to pressure from family. Quitting was painful but very successful at that time(I never think about playing it afterwards). I did well in high school and in college, so I think pursuing higher degree might be for me.

After coming to US for grad school for 2~3 years, however, I become frequently depressed and almost never go out with friends. Then I redownloaded Mabinogi one day, out of curiosity, and soon became immensely excited by the idea of starting anew in US server. It's as if I can go back to the memorable old days and continue the unfinished story left behind by myself many years ago. The following month was a total disaster: I didn't go out at all, ate minimally, didn't do the laundry, and spent all my time clearing quests, acquiring skills, etc. At some point I managed to recover basic eating and sleeping habit, but I'm still thinking about the game all the time and can't wait to login in my spare time. I know this is going to ruin my grad school life and also my future very soon.

I tried to list all my hobbies and to remind myself of how enjoyable they are, but it didn't really help when I crave for another session of gaming. I also tried outdoor activities or dining out with friends, but I realized I would just pretend to be normal outside and keep playing when I'm at home. How do I quit Mabi if computer is essential for my daily work and redownloading it takes just minutes thanks to the high speed network I have here?

Thanks.

cidcid
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 07/19/2011 - 8:12am
Wow.  You know you can set up

Wow.  You know you can set up an alias in /etc/hosts that will prevent specific domain names from resolving?

http://askubuntu.com/questions/150135/how-to-block-specific-domains-in-hosts-file

It's only a speed bump, but it makes it more obvious when you're crossing the line.

Gaming is an addiction (maybe techincally an obsession or compulsion) that takes over your life.  That's why it's a problem.  I think that completing quests is my job.  My reason to exist.  On a physical level, it's wired into my brain that I believe this.  I think that because I don't pass out in the street or crash my car into people that it's not a Real Problem.  I could stop any time.  I've quit twice already this week!

And that is why it is a Real Problem.  Only the game fulfills me now becuase I've flicked a switch inside my brain so that everything else pales by comparison.  You know, when I didn't game for 6 (+/-) years, I made a new friend.  I achieved things with my life.  Built things I care about.  Things other people care about too.  Worked to stop things that are wrong.  I did things that I can look back on and feel proud of.

Gaming is not like that.  When I look back on it, I do not feel proud.  But making the transition from gaming to not gaming was no fun.  You have to want it, then you have to make it happen.  It's not going to happen by itself.

I made a list of things that help:

 - Go to bed at a reasonable time every night.

 - Physical activity / Exercise

 - Being outdoors (especially out of the sun)

 - Playing/practicing music

 - Concentrating on my work and accomplishing something.

 - Browsing at the library

 - Reading Codependent No More

 - Making a list and doing what I need to

 - "Putting my hands in the dirt" (gardening)

 - Organizing my stuff

 - Unstructured time - especially away from the computer.

 - Frisbee

The title of this list is, "Things that make me feel better *after*."  Thanks to your post, I dug it out.  I put a lot of effort into that list.  Your list will be a little different, but the title of the list might be the same.

If I want to feel bad about myself, I just think about all the mistakes I made where school was concerned.  I'm currently in a position where I'm unable to correct those mistakes without making major life changes.  If you're a smart person, a masters degree in your chosen field is a wonderful thing.

I play games to get away from unpleasant feelings.  I don't want to make life decisions, or do important things, or take care of myself, so I retreat into the game.  Really stopping the game means acknowledging my feelings.  Gotta run.

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 hours 17 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome mabiaddict !

Welcome mabiaddict !

Do you pay for your connection? If so how about you end your  broadband contract and use pay-as-you-go for mobile internet instead ? It may be slower, more expensive and inconvenient to game on.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

wazzapp
wazzapp's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
OLGA memberOLGA moderator
Joined: 01/04/2015 - 10:59am
Quote:

Quote:

, but I realized I would just pretend to be normal outside and keep playing when I'm at home

I can relate a lot to this. I remember that even at parties where i was supposed to have fun, i was thinking "when is it ok to go home, so i can play?"

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

Log in or register to post comments