I'm reaching out to this community because I as of lately I've been feeling like my life is spiraling out of control.
I've been around computers my whole life, mostly playing videogames. I don't even want to think about the number of opportunities, paths and connections that I've missed because of using.
I've known for a long time that I have a problem, but there's a part of my brain that keeps driving me to engage. Even though I've hurt people badly because of it, this ****ing addictive personality keeps driving me back to wasting my time and my energy.
It's been a few months that I haven't touched a game, but now I watch game streamers instead, which I recognize is pretty much as bad. I arrive home after work, take off my coat, lay on the bed and open up a streaming site and watch until I fall asleep, sometimes forgetting to take a shower, sometimes going to bed later that I'd like.
I'm also obsessively checking a stocks website where I invested some money. Instead of just forgetting about it and letting my money grow, I check like 80 times a day just to see how I am doing. Worst of all, I do it at work. Instead of working on what I'm supposed to work, I check the stocks. Every day I get at most 1-2h of work done. I feel constantly stressed that the boss is gonna enter my office and ask about my progress. And I feel like I am learning nothing and wasting my time. I also feel pretty anxious about getting fired.
I have tried many methods to try to overcome this addiction, but unfortunately nothing is working and I am feeling like it's getting worse nowadays. I am slowly losing hope that I will be able to live a normal life one day.
One method I haven't tried is to be part of a community. I have a wonderful girlfriend but we only see each other on the weekends as we're in a long distance relationship. The rest of the time I just keep to myself.
So that's why I am joining this forum. I am hoping to find a sponsor to help me during my weak times and who knows, maybe I am fortunate enough that I can be a source of strength for someone in need.
Thanks for reading and wish you a happy day,