Anewho's Introduction

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Anewho
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Anewho's Introduction

Hi everyone,

I should have posted this a few days ago already but my addiction took it over. When I discovered this website a few days ago I promised myself to uninstall that online game I'm currently back on and post. But instead, I played a lot! I wasted my whole week-end, monday evening and a lot of tuesday evening too!

So that game I'm back on, I played it two years ago. At that time, I quitted after "only" 2 months because I realised I was wasting my time. And not only MY time but those of the one I love. Wife and young baby son. At the time I worked part time in the mornings. When I came back, I was on the computer. And when I had a day off, I was up early in the morning to ... play! I thought that I'd cut on my sleep to play the game and when my family was up, stop. I didn't stop, at least not after my wife had to ask a few times etc ...

 

Why am I back on this game? Levelling a character is faster. But in the end, even if it is faster than the norm, it's wasted time. I'm counting more than 30 hours of game time and this since thursday or friday ... it's huge! If you have to count sleeping hours, working hours, it's easy to see that the rest of the time I gamed that particular game! It has to stop!! I continue to play because I'm not max level, but the ideas of having other characters, naming them, giving them a look, and playing ... is not a good thought. When I'm done posting this, I'm going to uninstall that game!

But it isn't that easy. I have a console, a few games, and right now my mind isn't clear how addictive it has been. I spent a lot of time on those games too, for sure. I think from the moment your son wants your attention but you aren't giving him a lot because of a game, it's too much.

I'm here on this forum but I honnestly don't see me stopping gaming in general. Is it possible to not be an addict while keep playing? I'm asking this because I'd like, for example, play games with my son. But if I have to be honest, is it actually just a ruse, an excuse, to keep playing?

I have so much on my plate but my mind is blocking all those things right now. I can't say I'm in form too. I think I have some health problems, surely due to not moving a lot, and because of all these thoughts. Anxiety?

This week-end when I only played the whole time, I neglected to : Do the dishes while my wife was at work (she works week-ends and nights ...), didn't give my 4 year old his bath (!!), neglected the time he went to bed because I was busy playing,

Another sign of my addiction is that I can't imagine myself sitting outside in the garden on a sunny day doing nothing. I have to do something! I guess reading a book on my e-reader or watching an anime/series/movies should be better than gaming?

 

I'll certainly post more in the coming days. I'll have more to say when my mind is clear. I'm a few days late but I'm going to do what I had to do saturday, uninstall that game! I have to work tomorrow but I have no idea how I will feel/react when I'm back home, in a different state that I'm now. Installing games are easy :( At least here, you have to download it again so it's not immediate. I'd like to be able to block it so I force myself to not play it again, never again.

 

There is a lot of work, a lot of changes to be brought into my mentality. I think the human mind can be strong, but it takes training like everything, right? What I'm sure of, it is fragile. How all these little things can become giant monsters and eat us alive, it's scary.

 

wazzapp
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Thanks for sharing Anekwho,

Thanks for sharing Anekwho, and welcome to OLGA. Many people come here, like yourself, because they realize that gaming is destroying their lifes. Here you will find support!

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

Anewho
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Thanks. I have deleted my

Thanks. I have deleted my characters and uninstalled that game. Right now, I'm not feeling anything. Not angry, sad, or happy to have done it. I'll see how it goes tomorrow evening. I'm curious about my reacting, trying to replace that game by another? I hope not.

Anewho
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I'm home, and I don't crave

I'm home, and I don't crave for the game yet. I also don't want to play on my PS4 but I feel it won't be easy to completely stop gaming. I'm not even sure it's my objective. A lot of addicts tried to control instead of stopping their habit, which failed more than succeeded. The reason I think I won't be able to stop is that I want to use gaming as one of my hobbies, monitored wisely (timer, self respect ...) WITH my son. Maybe 2x1 hours a week. It's minimal but it's so easy to want more, and more, etc ...

I'm not even sure this is not just a bad excuse to myself, a ruse to make me play games and answer to the addiction.

I must say, I started playing since I was 4 years old. I'm not sure how my parents educated me in that sense, but I never felt limits growing up gaming.

This website has been created by a mom who lost her son due to on-line gaming, Everquest. I didn't even know it until I saw the video of Andrew about his book. When I heard Everquest, I was like :O ... my first mmorpg, I even reinstalled it a few weeks ago but didn't play since the love is gone etc ...

I remember that I could play all night long without my parents saying anything. I remember that for 2 full months (holidays), I played Warcraft 3. I had litteraly empty bottles of coke in my room since I was too lazy to put them away. And I didn't shower everyday, which wasn't healthy at all!!

It's soon 24 hours without gaming.

wazzapp
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Congratulations on deleting

Congratulations on deleting your characters and uninstalling games! That's a huge step, you should be proud!

For me, a recovering gaming addict, there's no such thing as "monitored gaming", only complete soberity or chaos. Even the smallest insignifigant console or computer game trigger my addict brain, and i immediately want more. When I say I can play a little, socially with someone, my addict brain is lying to me. I remember when my little sister wanted to play games with me when i was visiting my parents home. We played for an hour. She then got bored (she's not addicted like me), but I continued playing the whole night until i finally had to run to catch the last bus home, not beeing able to say goodbye properly. Completely missing the whole point of the visit, which was to share some time with my family. 

Now, friends and family simply have to understand that i cannot game with them. I can play pingis, i can talk, laugh, tell stories with them, but i cannot game

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

Anewho
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It's good to remember the bad

It's good to remember the bad habbits we had, so we don't repeat our mistakes or at least we do our best. It's the same with me, I'm often alone with my son in the evenings. Which means I can use the TV as I wish. Since I bought a new one, instead of playing the console, I played a PC MMORPG game on it. But that's the past now, and I hope it will last forever. In my mind, it's already set, I'm banning MMO's from my life. I'm not yet ready to ban ALL the games just yet. I try, but wanting to sell my games but not the console is maybe a sign.

One step at the time ...

maxreina
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Congratulation on your first success

Dear wazzup (aka Markus) and Anewho,

I have read your posts and am very grateful that you guys shared your experience with me and all of us here on OLGANON. It would be a total lie if I say "I believe you can recover" because I have had similar experience for the past decade. By reading my story, I hope you will understand why I am so pessimistic about our chance of recovery. Now, I do not mean to go against the meaning or purpose for creating this website. I really do think this can help me in reaching the turning point of my life when I finally became game-free but it would take a lot more effort, not only on our side, but also on the general public (who think they can never be as addicted as we are), the game creators / designers, the public and private sector to make our world and the future of our younger generation absolutely free of this deadly virus.

This is a link to my strand of this deadly virus.

I will be reading your comments on this and keep you posted about my recovery process. I am also looking for a buddy and a sponsor to help me cope with the situation. Time difference would make it hard for me to attend the Skype meetings but I hope I can do it as soon as possible. Afterall, it is always great to hear a real person and being able to talk to them directly.

For better times!

Yours sincerely,

Max Reina

Maxi

13 years since first started gaming (2002 - 2015)
Reborn on July 29th, 2015.

Anewho
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"I'm not yet ready to ban ALL

"I'm not yet ready to ban ALL the games just yet. I try, but wanting to sell my games but not the console is maybe a sign."

And now I'm more than ready. Since my relpase, from Sept to Dec, I sold the console and the gammes I had, and quit online browser games.

So yes, it was clearly a sign that I wasn't ready yet, seeing that I have/had a general gaming addiction and not only about MMO's or other online games.

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