I should have posted this a few days ago already but my addiction took it over. When I discovered this website a few days ago I promised myself to uninstall that online game I'm currently back on and post. But instead, I played a lot! I wasted my whole week-end, monday evening and a lot of tuesday evening too!
So that game I'm back on, I played it two years ago. At that time, I quitted after "only" 2 months because I realised I was wasting my time. And not only MY time but those of the one I love. Wife and young baby son. At the time I worked part time in the mornings. When I came back, I was on the computer. And when I had a day off, I was up early in the morning to ... play! I thought that I'd cut on my sleep to play the game and when my family was up, stop. I didn't stop, at least not after my wife had to ask a few times etc ...
Why am I back on this game? Levelling a character is faster. But in the end, even if it is faster than the norm, it's wasted time. I'm counting more than 30 hours of game time and this since thursday or friday ... it's huge! If you have to count sleeping hours, working hours, it's easy to see that the rest of the time I gamed that particular game! It has to stop!! I continue to play because I'm not max level, but the ideas of having other characters, naming them, giving them a look, and playing ... is not a good thought. When I'm done posting this, I'm going to uninstall that game!
But it isn't that easy. I have a console, a few games, and right now my mind isn't clear how addictive it has been. I spent a lot of time on those games too, for sure. I think from the moment your son wants your attention but you aren't giving him a lot because of a game, it's too much.
I'm here on this forum but I honnestly don't see me stopping gaming in general. Is it possible to not be an addict while keep playing? I'm asking this because I'd like, for example, play games with my son. But if I have to be honest, is it actually just a ruse, an excuse, to keep playing?
I have so much on my plate but my mind is blocking all those things right now. I can't say I'm in form too. I think I have some health problems, surely due to not moving a lot, and because of all these thoughts. Anxiety?
This week-end when I only played the whole time, I neglected to : Do the dishes while my wife was at work (she works week-ends and nights ...), didn't give my 4 year old his bath (!!), neglected the time he went to bed because I was busy playing,
Another sign of my addiction is that I can't imagine myself sitting outside in the garden on a sunny day doing nothing. I have to do something! I guess reading a book on my e-reader or watching an anime/series/movies should be better than gaming?
I'll certainly post more in the coming days. I'll have more to say when my mind is clear. I'm a few days late but I'm going to do what I had to do saturday, uninstall that game! I have to work tomorrow but I have no idea how I will feel/react when I'm back home, in a different state that I'm now. Installing games are easy :( At least here, you have to download it again so it's not immediate. I'd like to be able to block it so I force myself to not play it again, never again.
There is a lot of work, a lot of changes to be brought into my mentality. I think the human mind can be strong, but it takes training like everything, right? What I'm sure of, it is fragile. How all these little things can become giant monsters and eat us alive, it's scary.