Thanks for taking the time to read through this,
I happened to jokingly google search "Clash of Clans Addicitons" and came across this website. I have been gaming more than 15 years now if you include my earliest N64 days. My addiction stems from a physical handicap, I was dignosed with psoriatic arthritis at 17 years old. The disease has attacked my right side knee and ankle. Taking away my ability to run at any volume, and even walking large distances is a struggle.
Before my ankle damage I was a heavily sports oriented guy. For two years, ages 18-20, I was in a leg cast with doctors unable to properly identify the causes for my leg pain. I played a lot of World of Warcraft, and using my competitive spirit naturally found my way into competetive raiding. I was main tank for the preimemer guild on the server (top 100 world wide)(crappy sentence meant to show what I think is the crux of my addiction, this peak of internet celbrity anyone playing warcraft at the time would honor my position very highly.)
Going into college I got a degree in media broadcasting, in hopes of having some inside track to gaming culture. I have realavent skills in webdesign, writing, photography, audio, webcasting, you name it. Fastforward 4 years later, still can't earn a paycheck with these skills, and I'm stuck in my middle management position for a local grocer.
Now heres the Issue:
I feel like I want to abbandon gaming as I can see it fills no necessary roles in my life. I had hopes of it providing money, food, shelter, but ultimately it feels unrealistic. However, I look all around me at different avenues and nothing really fills my hunger like gaming.
Over the years I have always focused heavily on Player vs Player experiences. The best rush in the world for me is beating an opponet when both players are given the exact same toolset. I cannot emphasize this enough, I love the competetive aspect the gaming offers. The rush in a competetive CS:GO game heavily surpasses any dopamines from hiking, painting, dancing, reading; I AM FRUSTRATED NOTHING IS MORE ENJOYABLE THAN GAMING!?!?
Truthfully leaving gaming for another competetive hobby seems pointless is an addiction to pet grooming and pet shows any better? But, gaming has bread this love of competetion and this is what I think I need help with. I honestly just see other humans as competetion; its done great for my work life and sex life sicne I'm kind of a huge ego driven, results oreinted individual.
The fear comes when I look at my life. I'm doing well at work, decent social life, but I am not really learning any new skills. My brain refuses to open the door to any other activity!! I try to focus on something new and different, soon I will relate the experience to a similar video game and wonder why waste time learning this new thing when I have a world of entertainment in gaming?
I know its unhealthy, but when I try to escape I can't it just fills all of my subliminal urge... this really is a cry for help if anyone can talk sense into me...
I've been excersing recently, swimming is good for my bad limbs, and I have felt good about getting out of the house except this is only an hour or two per day.
I've also been getting into poker, black jack, all kinds of gambling trying to make profit on gaming, and this urge... it hasnt been terrible since I take pride in my game and learning the intrices.. but idk can someone really not convince me theres more out there?
I know the habit is bad but literally cannot find any excitement in any other long term activities. And feel like anything that could take me away from gaming wouldn't benefit me finiacially or shelter needs, so why persue them?