Feeling Lost

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
Chainsaw
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2017 - 7:42pm
Feeling Lost

I got called out by my wife yesterday about my gaming.  Not any particular game - I have a lot of them on Steam.  Anyway, I finally admitted to myself that there was a problem.  I've been dancing around the issue for years now, telling myself that I had it under control - that it was just a hobby and a fun way to relax.  But I'm not doing so well with it lately.

So I'm pretty much freaking out right now.  I've uninstalled my current game but I own hundreds of them and I'm really worried about what I'm going to do or what I'm going to lose.  I've been using gaming as a way to have something simple that I can control in my life, but lately, it's been all the time.  I'm not getting any work done.  My hobbies are all dusty.  I've isolated myself from my family.  It's a mess.  I'm a mess.

I've read a bunch of posts here and all I feel is more discouraged.  People talking about how it's harder to give up than drugs or alcohol - not giving me a lot of warm-and-fuzzies, you know?

(I'm totally rambling now.  But it's taken almost 24 hours to work up the courage to just start typing so I'm going to keep going.)

I don't know what to do next.  I've been using gaming to cope with my stress and anxiety so I feel lost right now.  I'm super anxious, but don't have my Drug of Choice (DOC).  Oh yeah, that's the super fun irony - I work in a drug and alcohol rehab for teenagers.  So I'm looking at myself like I'm one of them and that scares me too.

I'm going to work with a therapist (already called him).  I'm going to go to the chatrooms (already setup hardware/software/accounts).  I'm probably going to clean and rearrange my home-office/man-cave - do some physical activity.  My wife stayed home from work to help me today, but heck if I know what to have her do for or with me!

BTW - My handle here isn't a gaming nickname - it's one my friends gave me.  There's no problem a Chainsaw can't solve.  But I'm not feeling that confidence today - let me tell ya!

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 day 6 hours ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome chainsaw. Thanks for

Welcome chainsaw. Thanks for posting your story and putting yourself out there. I remember I felt reluctant  and vulnerable to first post my own story. It was definately worth taking that chance for me and I hope it will be the same for you.

I recommend you try the online mumble meetings; listen in... do not feel pressured to say anything until you are ready. you will meet others who can support you.

We have a spouses forum on this website which may be of use to your wife; there is a lot of experience and advice on it that may make it easier for her to get her bearings around a loved one's recovery from addiction. Most of the spouses of gamers who come here have the problem that their addict is still in denial and refuses to accept they have a problem. This leads to huge emotional stress for the loved one who is neglected. However, it sounds like you have accepted your addiction which is great and means that your wife will at least not have that complication to cope with.

i think everyone's recovery is different so  you cannot judge how you will react by reading someone's story. but if it does turn out like that, then at least you know you are not alone but also that recovery is still possible and worthwhile. It sounds like you really want to recover. I wish you all the best on your journey.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Cybernaut
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/12/2017 - 1:59pm
I'm right with you, Chainsaw.

I'm right with you, Chainsaw. Just joined today because I've accepted the fact that I am a gaming addict and if I don't conquer this bad habit, my life will suffer greatly in EVERY way.

So, you're not alone. Let's help each other get to better lives!

Ritchy
Offline
Last seen: 1 day 10 hours ago
OLGA member
Joined: 06/04/2015 - 3:09pm
welcome

hi Chainsaw, welcome!  Glad you found us here.  lol, yeah the stories can feel discouraging when they say how hard it is, but I'm glad people were honest with me.  If they told me it's easy and then I struggled and relapsed again and again, I'd feel hopeless.  But they were honest.  It's hard.  And despite the fact it's hard, we can stop and stay stopped and turn our lives around for the better.

I tried for two years to stop or moderate on my own.  By the end, I was gaming more than ever.

The difference now is that I'm not doing it alone.  And now I'm off games for over two years.  If you're serious about stopping, then I highly recommend taking the suggestions people give in the meetings.  They say, take it one day at a time, come to meetings and listen.  It's worked for me and I'm grateful to have escaped the vicious downward spiral.  I hope you're at the point where you can accept the support that is available.  Write me any time.

Chainsaw
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/11/2017 - 7:42pm
Thanks

I really appreciate the warm welcome and the pointers, ya'll.  I'm already feeling a bit better about myself and what's in store for me.  :-)

I think the one-day-at-a-time idea has really been useful.  The idea of uninstalling all my games and never seeing any of my 'friends' again was really freaking me out.  Looking at it from the perspective of "I'm not going to game today" is so much easier to handle emotionally.

Cybernaut
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/12/2017 - 1:59pm
Yeah, I went through a

Yeah, I went through a terrible withdrawal yesterday. But feeling better today and hope to just keep taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I don't need to think about the rest of my life....just today.

Log in or register to post comments