Hello there. Have you ever had the feeling that your entire life is a simulation. That your real life is "in game."
Well that is pretty much me to a tee. I may kid myself sometimes and compare myself to "the worst gamer imaginable." And strangely enough I come on out thinking better of myself every single time.
But I know better. In the dark tower series King frequently uses the line "secret heart." That is how I feel about my addiction. I'm painfully aware when my body is stiff and my mind is numb. But even though I am so violently sure that my addiction and sedentarism is causing this, I justify another level or two. For the rewards are great.
I would like to backtrack, for just a second and tell you a little about me.
I am a Canadian male studying to get in healthcare. In in my twenties, and generally very active. I pass my classes and can excell socially. More often though I miss the mark. I gotta work on those social skills. But the overall point is i'm managing to stay afloat.
Still, I just dont think im doing the things that would really make me happy. Often because im not entirely happy. So I satisfy my boredom with gaming. Just during my christmas break I put probably 40ish hours into a game.
A ****ing game. My body literally was popping and aching all the while. But my base wasnt big enough and I was concerned it would be vulnerable to raiders. I did not leave that spot until someone in game made me basically ragequit.
I had so much fun playing. My brain was hyper-focused on that progression. Oh the dopamine release i'm sure I had. But even though gaming gives me so much.
It takes. And like a corrupt taxman does it ever collect. To me it takes away from relationships, from work and from my appreciation of life. It takes my skin and blemishes and adds dark circles. It takes my motivation to have sex. Why not masturbate, its easier. No need seeking the real thing. I have a way better pleasure system anyway (gaming + masturbate)
Gaming has served as an effective coping mechanism for me since childhood. My dad suffered from alcoholism. Yet he fails to recognize that my gaming addiction is seriously detrimental to my health. Great guy. But doesn't understand the herculean grip of video games.
I do recongize it and I want... Rather I think I need some assistance on quitting. I am open to suggestions.
Thank you for reading.