Have lost all interest in life

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T-Rex
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Have lost all interest in life

Hi there,

Since I have been prescribed Ritaline for ADHD since age 8, my social anxiety had gone worse and worse. When I was 12 my best friend who lived in my neigboorhood had to moove from the state. It's also at 12 that my older brother showed me the game WoW. 

I still had friends here and there, but as I switched from a class to another, I lost all social bonds I had have for the last year. I got heavily into WoW during my school years. I got out of school with very few friends. As I wasn't going to highschool I was starting an apprenticeship, I lost even more everyday friends.

Finally I had a handfull of friends with who I would occasionaly do things but I had no such thing as a best mate, or being part of a group.

I finally deleted all my characters on my account and stopped for about a months juste after finishing school.

But then I dscovered LoL. I started out finding it not very fun at all. But then when I started playing ranked, it compltly took hold of me.  I have been fighting addiction on LoL for the last 3 years... I have unistalled and reinstalled, broke my screen, replaced my screen many times. But I always come back to it. Next to that I have bad anxiety caused by my ADHD medication, it doesn't help. Most of my friends are Marijuannah smokers, I used to be one myself but it only decuplated my anxiety. I feel empty....I feel like I'm nobody important. I try to look on life with an optimistical point of vue but it juste seems dull. during the last 2 years I have also been experimenting with many types of drugs, DXM, MDMA, Ecstacy, Heroine, Xanax, Cocaine and so on.

It's the same old thing everyday... I come back from work or school, I sit down on my chair or on my bed and I just feel empty...bored... Even playing LoL doesn't make me feel much better, it just makes me feel guilty and I don't even ave fun with the game anymore, I just waste my time on it.

Even trying all these different types of drug, my only addiction remains to video games. I don't know what to do...

I have my final exams in about a month I've already unplugged unistalled and reinstalled it all again a week after twice already. I don't know what to do to stop me from getting back to it. 

I might even fail my 3 years of studies if I let it get hold of me in the next months.

 

What can I do to stop it ! once and for all !?

thanks

Polga
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Welcome Billy

Welcome Billy

Addicts who come here report that excessive playing of video games make real life seem really boring. It's because the addiction messes with your brain chemistry. The brain demands more and more dopamine to get it's fix. But if you quit then you can recover so that other things becoming interesting and enjoyable once again.

There are suggestions on how to prepare yourself for quitting games in the sticky posts on this forum.

Also it may help you to read some of the other threads on here and know that you are not alone.

You can also listen in and contribute if you like to online meetings and connect with other addicts http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

I'm glad you are here!

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Ritchy
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welcome

Welcome Billy

Quote:

What can I do to stop it ! once and for all !?

When attempting something very difficult, the best thing to do is to learn from those who have already had some success with it.  I've found some helpful things here on the forum and heard many helpful things in the meetings.  I also get encouragement and support from the other people in the meetings.  It's so helpful to know I'm not alone.  There are meetings 2-3 times per day.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

I don't know how to quit once and for all.  But I know how to not game for one day at a time.  I had to get really honest with myself.  I had to seek help and accept it.  I had to listen to the suggestions of those who have been successful at not gaming and try them out.  I went from having a life that was almost exactly like you describe to one that's better than I could have imagined.  If a hard-core game lover like me could do it, so could you.

gimplike
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Working hard can you help you

Working hard can you help you maintain, overcome the heart aches and pains.

I always recommend finding work and join a community completing real world achievements!

Crying Gamer

wazzapp
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Thank's T-rex for coming here

Thank's T-rex for coming here and sharing your story. I can relate to what ur writing. I was also stuck with LoL, deleting & re-installing time & time again. One thing that was particularly difficult was deleting the account itself. 

The thing that has helped me & many other on Olga is going to online- & face-to-face meetings. Getting a sponsor is also very helpful. In my town there are no Olga-meetings so i go to NA. 

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

Lisa3333
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You're normal

Welcome and welcome to the world of addiction.  Everything, literally everything you shared is what happened to so many of us.  First, let me share I played WoW and tons and tons of other PC games and mmo's (alot through steam).  The fact I played them to the extent that in the end I found myself living 50% of everyday outside of work alone in the same 16x18 foot room with my only hobbies and friends and desires being gaming and gamers is simply because I am a video game addict.  By addict, I mean, video games were a solution and were tremendously mood altering for a long time, no different that what an alcoholic or meth addict goes through.  Any, and I mean ANY human being who finds something that can change the way they feel, their self esteem, there sense of belonging and accomplishment, their perception of life, can make them go from a level say 2 on a scale of 0-10 to an 8 or 9 or 10, that is what is addiction.  I gamed because depite my failures or fears or just every day blahs and boredom, gaming solved that.  It made me feel good and so I did it more and was willing to pay the consequences. 

Like all other mood altering addictions, it stops working.  We try therapy, are diagnosed with things like ADHD etc, are given pharma drugs, go to therapy, yet we return to gaming (or alcohol or drugs) and why?  Because none of those things made us feel truly better the way gaming (or alcohol or drugs do) - right?.

I will also share having been put on Provigil for ADHD and researching ADHD medication that for me and some, those medications can actually lead to obsessive compulsive behavior like endless hours of video games.  That is just my own experience.

What I can share is that looking back and now knowing the medical findings on playing the type of games you and I and tons of gamers are playing today, what that did was spike my dopamine the same way meth or coke does.  Video games like the ones you and I and others played are literally a digitally stimulant.  I can truly say now that I'm free from them that I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is true.  The withdrawal from them, the brain fog and lack of interest in anything when I'd stop, is identical to what a stimulant drug addict experiences.  You see, unlike you, I first was an alcoholic and cocaine addict and was in recovery from those drugs for years when innocently I started gaming.  Many of us in this fellowships were like me, recovering substance addicts who no one warned us that gaming was a stimulant and could send us back into addiction that for most of us what video game addiction did was worse than what alcohol or drugs did.  Many of us, like me, experienced what you shared how when just gaming started to fail in giving us that boost we began to use other drugs or picked up the ones we had given up in AA or CA.  Video game addiction is literally hell, as bad if not worse than some of the worst drug addictions in what it chemically and physically did to our brains.

The good news is you are not unique, nor different, nor broken.  Feelings aren't fact.  The truth is you just have spent years screwing your dopamine level and now reached the point that is the same as all us hardcore gamers reach where you find yourself playing for 5, 10, 20 hours a day and no longer getting the boost it gave in the beginning.  Sacrificing sleep, friends, hobbies, food, sex, human real hugs and love, basic instincts...seeing the pile of destruction this has caused in failed grades, lost friendships, lying in bed wanting to die and having no hope and waking up like that movie Groundhog Day where every single f'in day is a repeat of the day before.

Welcome.  So glad you found us.  It's gonna be ok and get vastly better.  Your problem is simple.  You are an addict and come join us on a path out of it similar to what has saved the lives of the millions of addicts in NA, CA, AA.

There is hope and a huge wonderful world for you.  You didn't choose intentionally to be where you are like none of us did.  There is a solution.  Hope to see you in one of the meetings.

 

 

 

 

Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014

T-Rex
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Thanks

Thanks all of you, its nice to feel not so lonely...sometimes I do truely feel like I have no friends. Actually right now its been 3 weeks since I haven,'t player any games... But only 30min ago did I watch a game of LOL on YouTube. I'm addicted to YouTube too this is harder to stop than video games because of smartphone. I'm considering buying these very cheap phones. Where I can only text and phone... I don't know its juste an idea...

Anyways if I pass my year I will be going to the army I hope it can purge me for good. Then once this is done I hope I will be able to make new friends... But I don't know how really... I start with nothing I have no close friends or best friends how do you make someone be your friend and hang out like two bestb friends. I know I might sound like some authistic retard but its the sad truth as embarrassing as it is. :\

wazzapp
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Thanks for coming back &

Thanks for coming back & posting! I can relate to a lot of your feelings

Congratulations for 3 week of being game-free!!!!!!!!!!!! That's amazing!!!!!

Im also an introvert naturally, even though if you met me you wouldn't believe that. That's because i force myself to improv-class, NA-meetings et.c. and it breaks me out of my shell. At the moment i do improv.class 3 times per week combined with other social events. 

If you feel lonely i would recommend NA-meetings or improv classes. Everyone there are very friendly. There is also special groups for people with social fobia. I have a friend who goes to those, and says they are very helpful. 

When i stopped gaming i also watched youtube a lot. Then I stopped watching gaming videos on youtube. Now my youtube usage is pretty normal. I think it might be a good idea to take it in small steps.

If u wish to talk on skype, please write me a PM with your skype-name.

See u!

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

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