Hello everyone, I'm new here and I have a very serious problem.
It all started about two weeks ago when I had my wisdom teeth extracted. I was recovering from the surgery and in the second day my girlfriend of whom Ive been with for 4 years had an anxiety attack. I live with my gf and I knew of her anxiety but I've always been able to comfort her and help her relax, to this day it had only been a minor nusiance of her otherwise wonderful personality. However, this time I was powerless to do anything I could only lay on the sofa and watch helplessly as she cried and proclaimed she wanted to end her life. I reached out for her with all the strength I could muster through the anesthesia and held her close until she finally said something to me that shook me to my very core.
She told me that she fears I'm cheating on her online.
To make an outstandingly complicated and long story short, let me simply put it this way; I do online RP or Roleplay.
The nature of this RP is mostly benign, its set in a DnD world where I get together with people around the world to go on adventures. I have been playing since 2004 and never thought it would be a problem when I eventually found that special one; the difference between fantasy and reality were pretty cut and clear to me.
Naturally I told her to perish the though, I've never even met any of the people I RP with, nor did I have any interest in doing so. They have their lives and I have mine.
The problem was when my girlfriend asked me if I tried out things in my RP and then tried it with her.
And the truth of the matter is, yes I do. Some of my characters are involved in relationships with other characters, they date, marry, and even have children who then become characters of their own! To me, borrowing things I learned from RP was like learning from books or movies or even hear say.
But I told her no, I told her I don't try things out like that.
At first the path I had to take was clear to me. I simply had to stop RPing.
That turned out to be FAR MORE DIFFICULT than I thought. RPings has been a part of my life for nearly 2 decades, it has gotten me out of many a depression and outstandingly difficult things in my life. When I was dealing with bullying I took a page from my stories and pursued martial arts, now, 10 years laters Im a black belt in Karate and have won several tournaments, all beceause I found inspirations from my RP. When I couldn't decide on a career I sought my RPs and realized I liked helping people so I pursued a medical career. When I was shy about asking my current gf out, other people, including people online gave me the courage I needed to pursue a relationship with her.
I was dead set on ending my RP days, I though the group I RP with wouldnt really care. I made a post to bid my adieu and was promptly rebutted by all of them telling me not to, that if she truly loved me she would understand my hobbies.
That's when the panic started. I clenched my teeth and gathered my resolved, giving my gf the ultimatum that if we are to remain together she must understand my hobbies. Surprisingly she took it quite well, particularly when I told her that my RP buddies didn't encourage me to leave her, they just wanted to understand. I even had her talk to one of them through Skype and they got along quite well.
From then on we made a schedule, I would only RP in the weekends.. which suits me quite well, Ive always hated being bogged down by the temptating of RPing every day.
But the pain is still there.
FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS my heart has been beating like crazy. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant even watch cartoons or play regular videogames, every waking moment is pain, to the point that sometimes I go momentarily deaf. Even now, Im pretending to be working when Im desperatly needing help. I want the pain to go away.. I already scheduled a doctor appointment and Im seeking out a phsyciatrist and a gaming addiction group but I WANT THIS PAIN TO GO AWAY NOW
What do I do? Make the pain stop, please. I just want to be happy with my gf. Its gone beyond RPing, everything I do feels like Im cheating. I cant even go to reddit or pintrest and not get a sick feeling in my heart and stomach. Ive stopped going to the gym, Ive lost word days. Please make it stop!!!!!!
Edited by: MordosKull on 05/19/2017 - 7:14pm