Help me

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MordosKull
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Joined: 05/19/2017 - 12:37pm
Help me

Hello everyone, I'm new here and I have a very serious problem.

 

It all started about two weeks ago when I had my wisdom teeth extracted. I was recovering from the surgery and in the second day my girlfriend of whom Ive been with for 4 years had an anxiety attack. I live with my gf and I knew of her anxiety but I've always been able to comfort her and help her relax, to this day it had only been a minor nusiance of her otherwise wonderful personality. However, this time I was powerless to do anything I could only lay on the sofa and watch helplessly as she cried and proclaimed she wanted to end her life. I reached out for her with all the strength I could muster through the anesthesia and held her close until she finally said something to me that shook me to my very core.

She told me that she fears I'm cheating on her online.

To make an outstandingly complicated and long story short, let me simply put it this way; I do online RP or Roleplay.

The nature of this RP is mostly benign, its set in a DnD world where I get together with people around the world to go on adventures. I have been playing since 2004 and never thought it would be a problem when I eventually found that special one; the difference between fantasy and reality were pretty cut and clear to me. 

Naturally I told her to perish the though, I've never even met any of the people I RP with, nor did I have any interest in doing so. They have their lives and I have mine. 

The problem was when my girlfriend asked me if I tried out things in my RP and then tried it with her.

And the truth of the matter is, yes I do. Some of my characters are involved in relationships with other characters, they date, marry, and even have children who then become characters of their own! To me, borrowing things I learned from RP was like learning from books or movies or even hear say. 

But I told her no, I told her I don't try things out like that. 

At first the path I had to take was clear to me. I simply had to stop RPing. 

That turned out to be FAR MORE DIFFICULT than I thought. RPings has been a part of my life for nearly 2 decades, it has gotten me out of many a depression and outstandingly difficult things in my life. When I was dealing with bullying I took a page from my stories and pursued martial arts, now, 10 years laters Im a black belt in Karate and have won several tournaments, all beceause I found inspirations from my RP. When I couldn't decide on a career I sought my RPs and realized I liked helping people so I pursued a medical career. When I was shy about asking my current gf out, other people, including people online gave me the courage I needed to pursue a relationship with her.

I was dead set on ending my RP days, I though the group I RP with wouldnt really care. I made a post to bid my adieu and was promptly rebutted by all of them telling me not to, that if she truly loved me she would understand my hobbies. 

That's when the panic started. I clenched my teeth and gathered my resolved, giving my gf the ultimatum that if we are to remain together she must understand my hobbies. Surprisingly she took it quite well, particularly when I told her that my RP buddies didn't encourage me to leave her, they just wanted to understand. I even had her talk to one of them through Skype and they got along quite well. 

From then on we made a schedule, I would only RP in the weekends.. which suits me quite well, Ive always hated being bogged down by the temptating of RPing every day. 

But the pain is still there.

FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS my heart has been beating like crazy. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant even watch cartoons or play regular videogames, every waking moment is pain, to the point that sometimes I go momentarily deaf. Even now, Im pretending to be working when Im desperatly needing help. I want the pain to go away.. I already scheduled a doctor appointment and Im seeking out a phsyciatrist and a gaming addiction group but I WANT THIS PAIN TO GO AWAY NOW 

What do I do? Make the pain stop, please. I just want to be happy with my gf. Its gone beyond RPing, everything I do feels like Im cheating. I cant even go to reddit or pintrest and not get a sick feeling in my heart and stomach. Ive stopped going to the gym, Ive lost word days. Please make it stop!!!!!! 

Edited by: MordosKull on 05/19/2017 - 7:14pm

Polga
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Last seen: 1 day 15 hours ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome

Welcome

I don't understand what the pain you describe is primarily due to

Is it because you really want to give up gaming but don't want to let down your gaming buddies   or because you arer restricting your RPing just to weekends , or something else?

 

 

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Steele
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Joined: 12/14/2010 - 1:31pm
Hi there

Hello Mordos

To me it sounds like there is a conflict in your mind. And that sounds very familiar to me.

You are really into these games, and it is providing joy, but it is interfering with your "real" life.

I do not know exactly what your situation is, or how you feel, only you know that. But this is how I was several years ago: I was basically "in love" with my gaming. It meant the world to me, I was hooked to it, I felt it calling me all the time, and I knew it was doing me no good. But I kept coming back to it.

During those years, when there was someone special, a girl, then I would be half present. My primary love was on my mind most. And usually the girl would notice, she would feel that something was off. I think that your girl could be expressing this feeling to you now.

It is really crazy how much we can believe that we need games. 

Welcome to Olga, Mordos!

"I want to see people and I want to see life."

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