I'm new to this site, and glad I could give this a try. I've read a few posts and I feel for a lot of the people here. In my cursory reading, I haven't read too much about the underlying mechanisms and psychology behind this addiction. Apropos of which, please let me tell whomever it may concern about myself.
I started playing games when I was 2 years old. I found partly that the incandescent glow and allure of constant motion was excilerating for my younger attention. Moreover, games were something my father and brothers played. It was an unspoken language, a commune I could belong to. As time went on this feeling would dissipate. I don't remember when or how it happened, but somewhere along the way I stopped caring for that feeling. They'd all since moved on to other hobbies, while I remained. Games became the only thing I was great at. I could do other things to a serviceable degree; making A's in school,being part of sports teams and earning the attention of some friends. However, they did naught for my self-worth. I was nothing if not a gamer.
Things started to take perspective around the time of my first heartbreak. This girl was the first person I fell in love with. We dated through a mutual interest in games. We'd watch each other go through an Rpg, or maybe hunt monsters together. As things drifted apart and perhaps even after the break up I became slightly more and more aware of my condition. I recall the long walks I took during the winter. I felt empty. I would walk into the gulf and be set adrift in the brine, hoping I'd eventually go numb from the cold. This girl had superseded games in my world. For the most fleeting moment, her august prescence meant more to me than what petty accomplishment I could muster on a screen. It took a long time to heal from that withdrawal.
I am here because that lesson has not cured me of my addiction. I regret to confess I'd fallen in love again these years later, and we are now no longer dating. I played games to an extent that I quit my job and stopped attending college. Moreover, I burdened someone I cared about with my valetudinarian incompetence. I've gathered well over enough evidence to posit I have a problem.
I am ready to attempt this arduous transition into a better life. I'm looking forward to meeting others with similiar aspirations.
Thank you for reading.
I 53 I