I just stopped playing video games

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10yearswasted
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Joined: 10/14/2017 - 2:29pm
I just stopped playing video games

I am 20 years old, I have started playing videogames while I was 10 with browser games like travian, clan wars, gladius etc. It was not a big thing then. It started becoming an addiction when I was 13 years old when it was middle school, my class was changed because I was successful among the other students and fell into a "social void" I already was not a social person but put me in a place of complete void. The reason why I was not so social was the fact that I was psychosocially being bullied in where I live, I had told that to my parents but they could not do anything because we live among lunatics. First terrorising thing I have seen in my life was when I was 6, my closest friend and I were playing football on the street and 2 guys(whom I still know and see) came out of nowhere and started chasing us for fun and when they got us cornered somewhere they threw a huge rock to my friends head and he started to bleed like hell, I was not hurt but still It made me numb because I could not understand why they did what they did or what was happening.(Those guys are still my "neighbours") Me and my friend spent our time isolated from other guys since they were savages but elder guys would not stop and interrupt our games take our balls and play with it themselves while excluding us from the game. Sometimes my friend would play videogames in house and wouldn't leave the house and I would go outside alone and the "elder guys" would force me to do embarassing things and when I would try to avoid or leave the game they would call me a coward and chase me all around the block we live in until I start crying out of anger? or something I don't know/remember. They would mock about the fact that I'm crying and laugh at me. Also they would take my ball and throw it out of block so I could not get it. (The block we lived in was called a "site" and was surrounded by walls.) Years later my friend and his family moved out of city that was when I was 12 years old. I started to hang out with the "savage" guys outside, I was far behind the friendship progress, so to speed things up I started to play the videogames they were playing : I started playing Metin-2 but MMORPG is not my thing and I was not doing anything even though I was spending my all day non-stop. Because I was too far behind I would not party up with them and play so I was excluded again.In the middle school among my friends we started to play Counter-Strike 1.6 I also played this one for HOURS, I started playing it with my friends but soon I was all alone again since Facebook was booming then, I also fell behind in Facebook's booming era. I was too shy to click the Like button on anything or Comment anything or chat with anyone. Time passed again and It was high school(note that I always had good grades during all my schools except the school placement exams which are made once in a year or once in 3 years which means that they are long termed extremely high content 160 question exams). In high school I did not find any guy like me in the first week but then I saw an isolated shy guy like me so I started to approach him and we became friends our first year in the high school passed with playing Left 4 Dead 2 and Team Fortress 2 through Steam. In the second year in the high school there was a girl, so pretty, cute whole year I wanted to get close to her but I did not even spoke to her whole year I would just stare at her as a result she possible hated & ignored me. I became friends with the guys around her tho, but no-one knew that I fell in love with her because I was extremely shy and lacked confidence, that was back then I started to understand that things were wrong with me and I needed to overcome my shyness and lack of confidence. (I haven't still overcome them) I played DotA2 hours and hours with the girl's guy friends(approximately ~2000 hours). Next year my class was changed once again with my best friend(from the high school year1), and there was another extremely pretty girl I fell in love again(no-one knew again) I almost stopped playing videogames back then, started exercising so I would gain confidence but nope, failed again. A big down. Next year was high schools year 4 which means there is a HUUUUUUGE exam that will determine the university you are going to go, everybody was studying so was I, I became the 39.000th out of 2 million students but that was not enough for the university I wanted, a big depression happened again and I started playing video games extremely more heavily.Now I am at the 3rd year of the university: hours of time put into video games, no social skills, no girlfriends at all(this is one of the things that hurt me most.), and no skills about programming(I'm studying computer science), I want to leave this country but I can not since it is too late it is my third year in the university but there does not seem to be any way out of this country and my social voidness or everything.

This morning I completely deleted Steam, Overwatch etc. every game related bookmark screenshot EVERYTHING. But since then, I am extremely depressed because I have wasted 10 years playing videogames, no big friend groups, no life skills, no music instrument, no girlfriends. I was always excluded from events around me as if I was a ghost, if I did not exist at all that would not make any difference around me. Normally I was enthusiastic about learning things, languages in high school(Not many people know English in Turkey). But I also lost that interest, I lost my hope, faith everything throughout the years. Today I also saw my friend from middle school had been in an international youth camp, I got so jealous he seemed like he had a lot of fun. There was opportunities for me to go to events like international student meetings but I could not because my father is retired for 14 fricking years and he could not afford it. I am getting fat every moment away from the computer because I can not stop eating. I just want to be good at my job(computer science), earn a chance to leave this country/family and find a girlfriend and then I couldn't be more happier but I don't think I can do it, not after all these years I've wasted in playing video games.

Thanks for reading.

Ritchy
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Last seen: 19 hours 43 min ago
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Joined: 06/04/2015 - 3:09pm
welcome!

Thank you for sharing your story.  I can relate to the regret of wasted time and missed opportunities.  We cannot change the past.  All we can do is try our best to make good choices today and take advantage of opportunities today.

I was lucky to stumble upon this forum and meet people who shared their stories and told me how they turned their lives around from compulsive gaming to game-free living.  Come check out the daily voice meetings at 20:30.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

Write me any time, would be happy to chat.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome 10years !

Welcome 10years !

You can rebuild your life ! It will be worth it. Depression is a common withdrawal ... you are not alone.

Find support and take care of yourself. This forum can help you learn how.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

CPAtacular
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Last seen: 2 years 3 weeks ago
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Joined: 09/13/2017 - 8:21am
welcome!

Thank you for sharing, you are not alone! I wasted/lost 30 years of my life to games, so it is never too late. You've taken the first step, so come to meetings and share, and it can and will get better!

Justin

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