Hi my name is Dave and I don't know if I can hold on much longer.
I have been gaming for 20 + years and it is destroying my life. Me and my current gf have been dating almost 3 years now and I love her so much. For the last year I have been playing Destiny almost everyday. Recently I could tell she was becoming more annoyed at my playing and just wrote it off and figured she would get over it.
The other day my phone got a notification through fb and it was on my gf's account (she will occasionally be on my phone and forget to log out). The message was from an ex boyfriend that use to beat her asking if they were goin g to hangout. She was out with a "friend" at the time and started to speculate that it might not be who she said it was. I immediately started to feel sick to my stomach and proceeded to go berserk on the phone demanding she come home right that instant. She of course refused and I proceeded to hang up on me.
She came home 3 hrs later. By this time I had calmed down a little bit and I began to badger her with questions. She was denying everything and telling me that I was being paranoid. She was telling me I could leave and I didn't have to he with her anymore. I didn't know what to think (still don't).
It has been a couple days since then I have clung to her so hard that I think she might start hating me even more now. The last couple days with her have made me realize how big of an idiot I am. Like it took this for me to realize what I was doing. I don't know what to do. I know she cares about me and I still love her so much. I just don't know if I could take her trying to be with someone else. I mean how big of a piece of trash am I, that I would send her back to an ex that use to beat her.
I want to bring it up with her, but knowing who she is just going to deny it. Partly to shield me and partly because I think she still wants to be with me. The not knowing part is really tearing my insides up. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I just want us to be happy, but I don't know if it is too late for that.
I am in some need of some serious help right now and don't know if I could take losing her. I love her so much. I am sitting here bawling my eyes out because it hurts so much.
Please, anyone, I could really use a pick me up right about now.