Introduction

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randomambipom
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Introduction

Hello everyone, about me: So, the habit started in junior high, and soon grew into an addiction. I didn't have friends and I relied on gaming to get me through the day. My grades weren't great, so as I went into high school I tried to get my grades up. I somehow graduated with a great gpa and full scholarships, even though I gamed, was in clubs, and drew as a hobby. I then went into a pre-med program for college. My head was kind of in the clouds, b/c it wasn't something I really wanted to do , but I just figured I would go along with it. As I started getting into the coursework and aroud the med field, I realized I didn't like it, and instead of taking a proactive step, I got swallowed up by gaming. I got really depressed and into self-harm. Well, 2 years went by that way.

 

Many factors probably went into me feeling this way and relying on gaming, such as the fact that I was away from home, and external pressures to stay in a certain field of study. Anyway, I found the strength to start taking control of my life. I switched my major to something i like, started at a new university last year, and I'm doing by best to stop gaming. I got a part time job and also started volunteering and I'm joining a club soon. I'm finally also growing past the mentality that I can't have friends. I decided I would start to keep count of the days I go addiction free, and I wanted to join a community to help me along so here I am.

RA

agonizing
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Welcome!

Wow...your such an inspiration to know that a gamer can "see the light" and do positive things to change. My stepson, almost 19, is on the computer constantly (since he moved in with us at age 10). His dad is the enabler and I agonize. I just heard in the news that gaming addiction is a recognized DSM mental disorder so maybe that will help others see the dreadful disease that it is and treatment can evolve along with this great support group.  Jim has had 2 jobs but his dad let him quit both for lame reasons. He has no hobbies, no skills, no interests, doesnt have to volunteer, barely has to look for a job...on and on. Even before Christmas he couldnt find job, and there are lots of jobs here in Indiana. Another issue is his health, he has depression, every ailment under the sun- allergies, constipation, kidney stones, eating disorder, sinus issues, abd pain, on and on. he takes Vit D (doesnt get out in the sun), laxatives, depression meds, allergy meds, sleeping med...........agghhh!! He gets no exercise, stays awake most nights, grumpy at times- but no so much when he gets to play. he doesnt have to socialize with our family, basically gets to hide out in his room and eat in there. His dad thinks once he gets a job things will change. I disagree, but silently keep a distance from it. I started a job that I love, to get out of the house, and we are going along well for now. I joined this group to help me and it does help. It sounds like you are on a great path of recovery. keep coming back. 

 

 

 

Aud

Polga
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Welcome Random !

Welcome Random !

Glad you are here and look for recovery. thanks for sharing your stoary with us. i look forward to hearing more.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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randomambipom
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Thank you, that means a lot!

Thank you @agonizing and @Polga, that means a lot!

For @agonizing: I'm 20 right now, so I'm not that much older than your stepson. I see a similarity b/w my story and your stepson's. I was on depression meds also, Vitamin D deficiency, was on laxatives for a bit, and sleeping meds too. I was also in my room a lot, I can only imagine the level of frustration/worry my parents were feeling towards me.

I'm no expert so take my views with a grain of salt, but looking back, I think the depression was the most 'real' issue that surfaced from me turning to gaming all the time and feeling unfulfiled in life, but not recognizing that that unfulfilled feeling was the result of the gaming addiction. I didn't really even see it as an addiction at that time. Those smaller issues arose from depression for me b/c it kept me in my room, and stay inactive.

I'm sure my mom and my dad were just as frustrated as you are right now.  One of the things that helped me the most was last summer I was at home, and my mom really pushed me get a job. Me staying at the job for a couple months was the catalyst for my recovery.

Staying at this job made me seriously think about what I would do for the remainder of my life, and I eventually realized I wanted to go back into academia. What helped the most I think is the fact that I was at the job meant that I was not gaming, which freed up my mind and redirected it towards more positive things. And I really only worked 20-30 hour weeks, max. I started exploring possibilities and eventualy ended up taking this online course over the summer(its absolutely free! offered by stanford: https://see.stanford.edu/Course/CS106A ) Programming is so fun! I never thought work or studying could be fun honestly, haha. I liked it a lot because of the way the beginning of the course is taught. Building a program more fun than gaming, at least it feels like it for me. Especially with the way this course is taught (in the beginning, you learn how to move a robot called Karel around in a virtual world and accomplish certain tasks by writing code).

I just wanted you to have some more information about me b/c me and your stepson seem to haev such a similar story. So I guess my advice, if you want it, would be to really push your son to do something that gets him out of his room at least, and takes his mind off gaming. And maybe show him the programming course! It helped me so much, theres a possiblity he will like it too. And sorry for the long message! I saw a possibility for my advice to help him so I wrote all this. Honestly, i think that first step will be the hardest, getting your son to do something that redirects his mind. Now that I've gone a bit without gaming, it honestly feels like a whole new world has opened up to me, and I hope the same thing happens with your son.

RA

Polga
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Thanks for sharing what

Thanks for sharing what helped you to change your attitude Random

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

agonizing
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There IS HOPE!

Random you have given me hope where I thought there was none! I especially am thrilled to know that (other than your mother pushing you to get a job) you saw the dead end you were on and you took the initiative to change for yourself. Maybe, we dont have to have an "intervention", send him off to a wilderness therapy camp, inpatient recovery, outpatient sessions and all the other stuff I envisioned were the only way to beat this addiction!! I will defininately tell Jim and his dad about the Stanford classes and keep on Jim about finding a job. Jim has said in the past that he didn't want to do anything "computer" related (my thought was that he subliminallly knew he needed to stay away from computers) but who knows, now he may give it a try. he is very creative...maybe graphics or video type stuff.

I see so much potential in him and honestly see his dad as not giving him  credit for being ABLE to live a normal life. For now, I see Jim as behind the curve in terms of growth as an almost 19 year old. Just now taking driving lessions (woo hooo!!), so it will also help that he can run errands and get out into the real world. He has never shopped by himself, not had to navigate the town, his dad takes him to his friends for gaming fun (helps him load up the computer....arrrrrrggghhh) and lets Jim hide in his depressing den. Bills feels "since jim doesnt do drugs, smoke or get into trouble, he is a good kid." one question I have is does it seem reasonable to at least take the computer away or limit until he finds a job? I think he would be much more motivated to find a job. one of the issues with one job he had was that he had to get up early and thus, had to go to bed early and it messed up his gaming schedule. He did it for 2 weeks and we were so proud, but then decided he didnt like it. Bill let him quit. I mentioned that Jim's job now should be to find a job. anyway, thanks for your help and I will be back with more questions, I am sure. 

 I am happy for you realizing that there is so much more out there and you seem very bright (millenials are perplexing..ha ha). stay strong and know that you are an EXPERT! trust me...your story is inspiring and much needed. 

Aud

Polga
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There is a difference about

There is a difference about the gamers on the OLGA gamers forums and the ones that spouses and parents report on in the OLGANON forum

The gamers that come to this forum are generally hoping to get out of their addiction.

On the parents and spouses forums we mostly get the stories about gamers who are in denial of addiction and/or do not want to change or recover ( at least not yet) .

I wish that all us parents and spouses would have a loved one who would seek help or want to share on a forum such as this one.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

randomambipom
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I don't think limiting game

I don't think limiting game time would be too much to at all, that sounds very reasonable. I would just be sure to let him know why. Whenever my parents tried this, they strictly just disconnected the internet, sometimes angrily (which I now understand better) saying I needed an internet break. Instead, I wished they would have had an approach where they had a sincere discussion with me about how they felt. (the discussion aspect was very rare, as my parents hesitate to show too much emotion) I'm sure you've already tried this, but I'm just stressing the fact so he feels you are trying to help him rather than punish him.

I agree with you finding a job should be really great for him, and also for him to really think about what he wants to do later on. My advice would be, if possible, see if there's a job out there that he would like to do (at least to a greater extent than the previous job). A pet store or summer camp maybe? Maybe this way, he will enjoy it more and it will help him recover. And by working part time, maybe it will help him ease into a job more. If he started minimally, like 10H a week for a week or two to 15-20, and so forth. This way, he can still have time for games, but he is playing them less. This is all I can think of for now.

Thank you very much for the compliments by the way they mean so much :) I will say to end though, I don't think an intervention is going too far, if a part of you is thinking that, b/c after all, you are trying to help him and his future. I would just make sure if its one where he's sent away, to make sure its a place where he's closely monitored as I've heard stories and gone through the experience: where people who feel isolated like that and dont have access to their 'fix' like gaming, will attempt self-harm or suicide. Kind of a grim note, but its a possibility.. Let me know how it goes!

RA

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