Long time addict trying to quit

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RecoveringTime
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Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 05/22/2016 - 11:13am
Long time addict trying to quit

I'm not at my computer right now so I'll be brief. 

I turned 40 in January. I have been an excessive gamer since I was a kid. I started on the Atari 2600 and have owned and compulsively played video games my entire life. I have let them hold me back in school, in relationships (lost my first true love to them) and life in general. I have known that I had a problem for years. Even when I was around 18 I knew and I took a hammer to the consoles I had at the time. Sadly, my addiction has been so bad that I ended up right back into gaming when the next consoles came out. I have been gaming for hours a day for my entire life. 

I'm glad I found this site. I know this isn't going to be easy but I truly want to quit. Part of me feels absolutely pathetic. It's not like I have a heroin addiction or something! However, I do know that I have ruined many relationships and wasted years and years of my life doing nothing but staring at a tv with a controller in my hands. I realize I have no control over myself. I know myself well enough to know that I have to go cold turkey. There is no way I could play video games recreationally. It's all or nothing. Starting today I'm going to try and repair my life and try not to waste what time I have left. I'm currently married as well I should mention. We've been fighting over this very thing for the last few years. A part of me feels like it's to late to save our marriage but I really hope that taking this step will help to mend things between us.

I have a boat load of regrets in life. Almost all of them are because I chose video games over real life. I have a lot of shame I carry around as a result. 

Anyway, that's enough for now. I haven't played any games so far today and I intend to keep it that way. 

Thanks for listening. 

Ritchy
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Last seen: 1 day 20 hours ago
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Joined: 06/04/2015 - 3:09pm
welcome

Welcome, glad you found us here.  Sounds like you have some very good awarenesses.  I too had to go cold turkey.  I could not moderate, could not stick to limits, could not wean off games.  My compulsive gaming was wrecking my marriage and other relationships.  I felt so low, so unreliable, so weak.  I really needed to escape the vicious downward spiral but didn't know how.

I'm so glad someone here told me about the voice meetings and that I met friendly supportive people who helped me get honest with myself and start making positive changes.

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

I hope to see you at one sometime.  Write me any time.  I'd be glad to get on skype sometime and talk.

RecoveringTime
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Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 05/22/2016 - 11:13am
Thanks for the reply

It's nice to know that there are others out there that can relate to this issue. I find it very difficult to talk to people about because, for the most part, people don't take it seriously. I suppose I understand. It must be hard to see how something that's designed to be recreational could be addictive. Perhaps the need to play wouldn't be so strong if I had gotten into vids when I was older? I don't know. Doesn't really matter now. I just have to deal with it. 

Thanks for responding. I really appreciate it. I have downloaded skype and will be trying an online meeting soon. Today is a right off but perhaps tomorrow. I have to admit that it feels silly to need to talk to somebody about this. I realize it's important and extremely valuable. A part of me is still like "what's your problem! It's just video games! You don't need help with this!", but I know I do. I have tried to quit unsuccessfully a few times in the past and failed each time. One time I went about a month but then cracked again. I feel good about this time but sad about all the time I've wasted. 

I have even gone so far as to tell my friends that I have a problem and need to quit but non of them took me seriously. None of them are in as deep as I am. 

Anyway, thanks again for the reply. I will certainly Skype soon as I could really use the support. I made it through day 1. Today shouldn't be too difficult as I'm busy with work and then going out in the evening. However, I can already feel the restlessness setting in. **** video games and their fake sense of progression. 

Day 2,

Mike

Ritchy
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Last seen: 1 day 20 hours ago
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Joined: 06/04/2015 - 3:09pm
congrats on day one!

Congrats on day one, Mike.  I clearly remember the restlessness and itchiness and impulsiveness of the early weeks off games, a period of time that I went through more than once.

I've always hated asking for help and hated accepting it.  And I've already had serious trust issues.  So it was a big challenge for me to rely on talking to other people for support in staying off games.  But I'm really glad I tried it.  It's so much easier to rack up another day free of games when I'm in touch with other people doing the same.  And when I have an urge to game and tell someone about it, it usually just dries right up.

Hang in there, don't game no matter what today!  I'll talk to you on skype sometime.

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