Need help.......

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Drake4232
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Need help.......

I am 43 years old and addicted to playing World of Warcraft. I have been playing the game for 10 years now and currently spend around 40+ hours a week on it. I say "currently" because before I met my wife I spent more time on it. My days consists of work (8am-5pm), dinner with my wife at around 6pm and then the game from about 6:30pm till around 12am, some times later. The weekends are worse, some nights I will go 12 hours straight, my wife will be getting up when I am heading to bed.

I did not admit I have a problem until about a year ago when I finally started to take notice that I was spending way to much time on the game. My moods haved changed dramatically. I used to be carefree and now everything and anything makes me stress out. I cry or get angry at the littlest things. I also get very depressed. I did not take notice of any of this until I one day when I lost my temper and started screaming at my wife. This scared me quite a bit as I have never been a person to yell or get violent. I felt so guilty afterwards when I saw the scared look in my wifes eyes. My wife is a big reason I have been able to take notice of my problem and a big reason I seeking help.

I met my wife over the internet through a dating site. At the time we lived 4 hours away from each other. We chatted online almost every night for a good 3 months or so and decided to meet face to face one day. I drove the 4 hours to meet her and repeated the trip every weekend for about a year. (Note: I would play World of Warcraft while we were chatting during the week. On the weekends I would not doing any gaming at all when I was with her.) I eventually moved in with her and the computer with World of Warcraft came with me. This is when my wife took notice of that I had a "problem". I started to spend more time with the game then with her and our relationship started to suffer. Despite my problem we got married and have been together for almost 5 years now.

There have been lots of happy times for us, but it is always been overshadowed by my need to play the game. The time spend with her is sorrily lacking in and out of the bedroom. When we first got together we were going to start a family ASAP, but that has not happend because of me. The things we enjoyed together as couple we no longer do because I cannot pull myself away from the game for an extended amount of time. My wife is a trooper and pushes on, but I dont see her being able to "push on" much longer and I could not handle her leaving me.

I did try to quit about a year ago. I deleted the game from my computer and threw anything to do with the game in the trash. I made it for about 5 months without playing the game (I did play other games, but did not spend the same amount of time on them.) Into the 5 month of being World of Warcraft free I came acrossed an ad that a new expansion was being released for it. Even though I had not played it for 5 months I got the urge to return and I did. This brings me to where I am now, scared and upset that I lost control enough to yell at my wife. My wife is the world to me and I need to get my life back on track for myself and for her. I haved tried to do this on my own and failed, so now I find myself turning to others. Please help me save myself and my marriage.

Anewho
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Joined: 07/19/2015 - 11:53pm
Hi Drake,

Hi Drake,

Only you can save yourself and your mariage, we can only suggest things or give advice. It's actually great, your post if full of hope. Stop playing WoW. Why are you playing WoW? It is addictive, all MMO's are, the more polished ones are the most addictive, because they have been developd to be so.

You can start by deleting ALL of your characters. Even if you can retrieve them back, I know you have to ask a GM to do it and it takes time. This could be a buffer. If you are ready for it, I would even advice to simply ask a GM to terminate your Blizzard account. This will actually destroy your account and all the games linked to it. But hey, it's for the best!

Don't fall in,the sunk cost fallacy trap. I know you spent money on those games, and time into your character. You'll never get this back.

Quit WoW cold turkey by taking all these precautions, and start to find other activies to replace gaming. You should still have your personal activities but nothing addictive. Take your wife out to the restaurant, or whatever, start to surprise her, or just talk with her about your addiction.

Good luck

Ritchy
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Quote:

Quote:

I haved tried to do this on my own and failed, so now I find myself turning to others.

Welcome Drake.  This is where I was at too.  My compulsive gaming was trashing my relationships, my mood, my self-esteem, my health... the list goes on.  So I tried to stop on my own.  I tried everything.  Moderation, limits, stopping for a while and easing back in, sticking to certain games, you name it.  All these failed me.

But I haven't gamed in several months now and doing very well.  I stopped trying to do it all by myself and started going to meetings and turning my life around with the help of others doing the same.  It's made all the difference.  The list of active meetings is at:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/line-meetings-message-board/all-online-meetings-computervideo-gaming-addicts

Hope to see you soon!

freemanjj
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Joined: 11/24/2015 - 6:51pm
Drake.

Drake.

Here are some actions that are slowly, but surely, helping me quit not only online games (like WoW, Hearthstone) but all games as well. 

1. I have a mac, and I found a way to block websites by going through the Terminal. I know I could just find the instructions again, delete it out of the terminal, and open the website. But each of those steps gives me the ability to recognize what I am doing, and put a stop to it before I start playing. Maybe windows has something like that? I've blocked all of Blizzard's websites.

2. Email Blizzard, and, as mentioned above, if you're ready, ask them to delete your account permanantly. I think they'll require you to actually write them a physical letter, with some information about your account and about you. But it's worth it. It wasn't until I did this that I stopped playing WoW and Hearthstone.

3. I told all my family, all my friends, about my adiction. They helped so much, because not only do I get the support to stop quitting, they'll let me know if any video games are going to be played at parties or a family gatherings, and we plan around it.

4. At night, I write in a journal and am completely honest with myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, my addictions. This helps keeps myself accountable for the day.

5. I went to a therapist.

I actually just discovered this website, and I'll be going to meetings when I make time.

I hope this helps. Only you can provoke the change you wish to see in yourself, and with the help of others it gets easier and easier. 

I lost my job, moved in with my mom, and wanted to commit suicide before finding help with a therapist.

It is worth it. The pain, the frustration, all of it. Quitting is worth it.

chrisk
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Blocking websites

I have not been able to find a program that one can use to block Internet Explorer in a way that works for me, i.e. with keywords.  I have found a free blocking program that works with firefox called "foxfilter".  I have blocked websites with the help of my partner by making it impossible to use internet explorer, and getting "foxfilter" from the firefox add-on menu.  My partner has the password to this add-on.  He has entered keywords, i.e. the names of my favorite games, and when I try to go to those websites or search for the games in google, it says the sites are blocked and doesn't let me go there.  Actually, I think I am now paying a  fee for "foxfilter", think about $20 per year.

I now have a solution for my Android phone and ipad (which I think is $30 or $40 per year).  There's a similar program called "Mobicip".  It's meant for parents.  My partner downloaded it and entered the keywords and, of course, only he has the password.

Periodically, I develop a new addiction to a different game, and I have to ask him to update the blocking programs. 

I have tried so many times to stop my gaming on my own, and it has not worked.  These programs (and my partner) are a god-send for me.  I wish I didn't need them.  Over the years, I have gotten quicker at recognizing when I have become addicted to a new game, and I'm wasting less time before asking my partner to add the new games to the blocked list.

orchid
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Welcome to olga! In some ways

Welcome to olga! In some ways, you're fortunate to have a relationship you want to preserve (I've been perpetually single since gaming stopped me from doing activities where I would meet people); it can set you on a path to see all the ways gaming is impacting your life.

I second the recommendation to check out some meetings. It's a great way to connect with other people who are dealing with this addiction and learn from what's worked for others a little further along the path of recovery. I particularly suggest the voice meetings on mumble.

wazzapp
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Welcome to olga, you are far

Welcome to olga, you are far from alone. For me, coming to online meetings on this site and face to face meetings with narcotics anonymous has helped. See u

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

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