Online games are slowly destroying my life

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I want to be free
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Joined: 09/10/2017 - 7:04pm
Online games are slowly destroying my life

Hello.

Before I begin I have to apoligize for my rusty english (it's not my native language, but i will try to explain everything that bothers me as clearly as i can)

I'm 22 years old adult. 1 year ago i moved out from my parents to start studying in other city. This is the time where my problem become more serious. I started living on my own. Had only one resposibility - studying, but after 2 months i just gave it up just for playing an mmo game. I've been playing before but my parents had a bit control over me when i lived with them, but now they dont. Shortly after i found amazing community in my game that im playing with till today. But after spending more than 10 hours daily playing the game for almost a year i started realising thats something is wrong with me. I don't want to do anything basically. I don't want to play the game but I'm still doing it. I dont have motivation to do anything. I'm starting studying again in 3 weeks and im really afraid that i wont handle it again. I lied to my parents that i've passed 1st year. i feel really teribble because of that but i don't have balls to tell them what i did so im drowning into that lie deeper and deeper. The biggest problem is that i never knew what i want to do in my life. Thats why i started playing online games because the are endless and i could escape from real life problems. I always felt like i dont belong to people from my class in school. I've been bullied in primary and seconday school. Now, when im an adult i can't handle any serious decision on my own . When i have to do something, i would rather delay it till the last day or dont do it at all. I feel really odd when i go into a streets for even stuppid shgopping. I cant accept myself, i just hate myslef for what happened to me and what i have done. I want to start living, do something, i just dont know what. Please tell me whats wrong with me.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome I want to be free

Welcome I want to be free

You are not alone with these feelings. There is hope. People like you have found their way through this. I am sad to hear how you are upset with yourself ... i can understand why you might think that way because you have had some hard times, but these feelings are not helping you and i am sure you are a good person and deserve respect, from others and yourself ... you are just in a bad situation right now which can turn around if you can get the right support.

Use the links in my signature to find out how you can use this site and find online meetings to connect with others on your journey.

You have taken the first step by addmitting your problem and sharing on this forum. Keep going !

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Ritchy
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welcome

Sounds like you know where the problem lies.  I suggest cutting out all games and seeing what happens.  If you find that you are obsessive and compulsive about gaming and cannot stop on your own, then you are like me.  I could not stop by myself.  I needed the support, encouragement, guidance, experience, and accountability of other people who are successfully staying off games and turning their lives around.

You can find them in the voice meetings held on Mumble every day at 19:30 CET.

Samyouwell
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There is hope.

Hi.

I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I was bullied in school and I didn't like myself for a long time. I hid away in computer games half my life. You are 22, I am 44. I quit playing games 3 months ago and I haven't played in that time at all. 

You are young still and you have many opportunities ahead of you. Belief is the key to recovery. 

Whatever has happened to you in your life is not your fault. The choices you make in response to what happens to you are your own responsibility. If you believe in yourself and trust yourself then it is much easier to make the right choices. 

Just for being alive you deserve your own self respect. 

You survived your childhood and youth and you are into early adulthood. Your future can hold many things for you. Think about how you feel. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. There is no shame in how you feel, respect yourself and allow yourself to have your feelings. You don't have to act on them or respond to them, just feel. Trust yourself. Trust that however you are feeling right now, you can make the right choices to make yourself feel good about your life and what you do with it. 

Any recovery process starts with one step. If you think about quitting the addiction it can seem scary and impossible and huge. If you approach  it in the moment, it is much smaller. It is as simple as stopping yourself from  playing a game one second at a time. That second becomes a moment, the moment becomes an hour, a day, a week, a month and so on.  I still have the desire to play games quite often. I just keep stopping myself from playing second by second. I don't have to defeat the whole big problem all in one go. 

I understand what it is like to lose important things in life because of addiction to games. Time is the most precious thing of all. When I think back and think about all of the time I put into playing games it is in the years. I can never get that time back. I also broke up with my partner of 15 years and my addiction had a lot to do with the break up. I'm not saying these things to warn you off or scare you, I am saying them because they are choices that I made. They are choices that you can also make. The games will never give you what you want. Never. As somebody who is twice your age I will say this, if I was 22 and I could quit playing the games now, no matter how difficult, I would definitely do it. I would quit them because I look back and see the time I spent playing games as dead time. Since I have quit my life has been very difficult but I have just had one of the most amazing months of my life. August was fantastic because I started to feel alive again. I'd forgotten how amazing real life can be. I have connected with people and continue to do so. I won't pretend it is easy but the rewards are big.

Do whatever it takes, try with every fibre of your being. Believe that you can do it because you can. Trust yourself to get yourself through to the other side. Trust and belief are all you need to get through this. You have everything you need if you just believe in yourself. The support here is fantastic. Whenever I have felt I didn't know what to do or how to deal with what I was going through I wrote here. People read and respond and that really helps. Just writing how you are feeling and what is going on for you is incredibly helpful too. What I love the most about this place though is the non judgemental, supportive, positive space that is provided. It feels safe and supportive because everyone here has had a similar experience to you and they can understand how you feel.

Good luck, you can do this, you have everything you need, just believe in yourself, you deserve it.

Sam, 3 months clean!

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