Roleplaying Nightmare

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
TextBasedNightmare
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/05/2017 - 7:12pm
Roleplaying Nightmare

First of all I recognize my problem is probably not the same as most people's here but it's still more of an addiction than it should be, regardless. 

I roleplay online. I don't mean an actual game like an MMORPG or anything like that. It's hard to explain what it is. I'll try though. 

Basically, it's all text based roleplay. Like as in I'm a character of my choice from a certain TV show/movie/book and others are other characters and we all join up and write together in a storyline. I write a few paragraphs for my character then they write for theirs. 

See, this sounds like it can't possibly be life ruining or addictive but trust me, it is. Especially when this has been your only escape method since you were a teen. 

I've been doing this for about 18 years. Sometimes I am able to do it more than other times. I also spend entire nights online doing it and sacrifice sleep. I love my partners they are like my best friends. Except, they aren't real friends and I don't really know them. 

Now, I completely understand that it's possible to have a connection with people via the internet, fine, I'm not denying that but this is seriously cutting into what is sane for me. I have recently noticed this after (For some reason and I don't know WHY) literally all of my partners just stopped responding/coming online. Yes, this is really unusual and since I can't contact any of them (there's a good group) as none are responding to me or even active on their own pages, I mean for a few weeks at this point, I have noticed what an obsession I have with doing this.

I am still up all night, watching the website hoping someone will get on. I am sacrificing my time for it and nothing is happening. I am getting deeply depressed that, for whatever reason, all at once, all my partners just straight up quit roleplaying. Not only do I realize that I'm doing this but I can't find anything else to fill my time with because I don't want to. I know I have to though. 

For one, I don't have the best life to begin with and my roleplaying was not interfering with my real life relationships (I still always hung out with friends, went out, I didn't neglect work or school). I had a good balance between roleplay and real life and I still do. Except now, beyond my control all my partners have vanished. They are either all ignoring me and not telling me, or they just aren't there at all, for whatever weird reason. This means that though I don't WANT to give it up I HAVE To and that's coupled with knowing that I SHOULD because I'm too old for this anyway and it's causing me to lose sleep, I just don't know HOW to give it up. 

I have tried filling my time with other hobbies. I mean really tried. I'm a writer for one, just finished writing a screenplay and it's been sent out to actors who requested it. (This is what I mean that I get stuff done despite roleplaying) but I find I have no attention span to write anything. I find I'm not interested in watching movies or TV. I find that there's really just no one to talk to. I can't say I feel lonely, I just feel bored. Roleplay was my escape from my crappy life, my partners all left, I know it's unhealthy to have this attatchment to roleplay, and it's like now I'm going through forced withdrawal if I like it or not. 

I don't really know if I expect much help from anyone here, as this isn't a usual problem when it comes to games or gaming, I just wasn't sure where else to go. Thanks for any advice anyone has. 

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 22 hours 49 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Freddie

Welcome Freddie

This site is for you if you want to recover from what you think may be an addiction for you; role play is a game and it's online so you certainly qualify. When people quit the game ( including MMO's) they are also leaving behind a network of 'friends' so i sure they will all relate to how you are feeling, If you want to learn more about how this site can help you, clink the addicts link in my signature.

It sounds cruel how your partners have treated you if they chose to leave you out, but it's not possible to know the real reason. Try not to ruminate on this issue as it cannot be resolved. But at least they have given you the chance to take stock and maybe make a positive move with your life. Take care

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Samyouwell
Samyouwell's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 07/10/2017 - 3:21pm
Determination and belief.

Hi Freddie.

It sounds like you are caught in a tricky situation. I understand why you think your problem is different but the fundamental aspects are the same as most addictions. The focus of your life is fragmented because of the detatchment from life that the addiction requires. Although you still maintain some aspects of a healthy connected life, you also have negative effects from the gaming as you have pointed out.

It is a month since I last played a game. In a way I was forced to confront my addiction like you. Events happened to me where real people disappeared from my life. In your instance it is the online people that have disappeared. Same outcome though, a forced withdrawal.

my advice to you is to force yourself to stop. Just stop. Do anything but. Sit and stare at a wall. Walk. Anything but game. In the three weeks after I stopped I walked around 250 miles. I just walked and thought and felt horrible. I am a writer too. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Anything. Some work, some babble, some heartpouring of emotion. I did anything that I could and I still do. Like I said I am a month since I touched a game and it is slowly improving. Two weeks of hell followed by a week where I really started to see some changes and the last week I've made huge progress.

i feel positive and engaged. The neediness is subsiding and my passion for life is getting stronger. I just had to get through those first dark, empty, excruciating few days and the momentum took hold.

All you need are belief and determination. The belief in the undeniable truth that your life will improve when you stop gaming and the determination that you know you can do it.

After a short time of agony, opportunties arise and you are accesible to take them. Then life changes and becomes more fulfilling. Believe in yourself and you can do it.

 

Search instagram for samyouwellingtonboot

TextBasedNightmare
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/05/2017 - 7:12pm
What I'm going to say will

What I'm going to say will sound insane but this is the situation I face so just bear with me, it's kind of long. 

A few years I got in with this new group of partners. It was a nearly constant battle to keep them. Why? Well, there was this one girl, I'll call her D, who was basically running a dictatorship of role play. This group was in a specific fandom. I didn't know D was "in charge" when I started my account. I started to interact with this group, including D. At first she was really nice to me but when people seemed to favor my writing over hers, she got very jealous. I mean irrationally so. Making death threats towards me and anyone who would RP with me. In that specific fandom, I am "Famous" for a story I wrote. It's not a large fandom, at all, but the story gained notoriety more than I meant to with that specific fandom so EVERYONE knows me, including people who hated the story. It is what it is. 

In any case, because of this it was hard to escape my reputation and eventually D was so jealous she ordered her group (the same one I was in) to stop roleplaying with me and I was blocked by everyone. At that point, I was like "Whatever I don't care" and quit willingly. For a good few months. Then I came back (out of boredom) a few months later with a new account and no one knew it was me I did well. This D girl figured it out, except this time I refused to leave because it was insane of her to get this jealous and vicious over role play partners. I took a stand against her. Mostly out of the belief that everyone should be able to RP with everyone and D shouldn't be able to control that. This feud took MONTHS mostly because a lot of these people were afraid of her. 

D had an online "boyfriend" who was also her partner and she had convinced most of them he was a Russian hacker who would destroy their lives if they didn't listen to her. Yes, this really happened, mostly because people are idiots, I just didn't buy into it because it was so stupid. I spent a lot of time convincing these people that a Russian hacker wasn't going to ruin their lives if they stopped talking to her because most of them genuinely seemed to hate her they were just afraid of this fictional Russian hacker (I honestly wish I was making this up).

Then, one of the girls in the group, K, became very insistent that all the people in the group were one person under like 20 different accounts. Her theory though insane may actually hold some merit. SOME. Though I have personally verified at least 5 people are real accounts (which wasn't easy at all) it seems her theory may be correct and it's a bunch of different accounts run by the same person. K was very mentally ill and started to get really paranoid about this to the point where she ended up isolating herself and really only role playing with 2 people because of how mean she got. 

So I'm in this situation now of questioning how many of these people are real people and how many are manufactured. To be honest the people I think are "real people" could all be faked too. I know this makes me sound super paranoid but it's not as if I think anyone is out to get me I just think this is the situation. Especially since the first girl, D, she was found to have 30 active roleplay blogs and she roleplays with herself. Once again, not making this up as crazy as it sounds. 

Then, once I get rid of D because she finally leaves by herself realizing no one was buying her Russian hacker story, everyone else basically just stops roleplaying all at once. 

I know D is a real person because a friend of mine (A real life friend who I've actually met) used to Skype chat with her and has seen her in person so D is at least real, she's just pretty insane. K is real and it's been confirmed the same way, Skype. That's basically how I went about confirming if these people were real. I get that most of them want privacy online, but the high level of privacy a lot of them demand has become suspicious after the point where I've talked to them for so long. Right now, like I said, I'm sure at least 5 of them are real, but two of them are girls I want nothing to do with as they thought death threats and Russian hacker threats were totally fine to get rid of people they didn't like and D was definitely extorting money from two of her partners. 

Like I said this all sounds paranoid, but ultimately I decided I didn't really care if it was a bunch of fake accounts run by one person because whatever. I was having fun so I didn't think it mattered. Except now ALL of them or just the few who run all of these accounts have straight up vanished. I mean this is after BEGGING ME TO STAY because there were two points where I did nearly call it quits. I was so fed up with this drama and/or manufactured drama that I was like "WHY DO I EVEN WANT TO STAY" and I was begged, repeatedly to stay. There are very few people I've seen pictures of, and even less that I have their contact info outside of the website (also weird, at least in my experience, when you have roleplayed with people for a very long time). 

So now i"m in a situation of not only wondering why they all left at once, but questioning how many of them were real to begin with. I only have one partner outside of this group in an entirely different fandom and he's active/responsive enough that I know he's real. Trust me. 

I'm annoyed, hurt, frustrated, and in a state of utter confusion. The only reason I stayed this long is I know I'm addicted to roleplay just not addicted enough that it's ever kept me from a job/social life/anything I wanted to do. Just that my life is crap and I rely on it as an escape. I've been writing at night, working on a story, but I can't find an audience for it which also annoys me. What I liked THE MOST about roleplaying is that I was getting feedback for my writing. That's what draws me in. I'm a writer I want to be a professional writer, and I live off of feedback (good or bad) and I've lost a good chunk of that now. The new story I'm writing is for a completely different thing and I just don't have an audience and it's nearly impossible to find one. I don't think there's a point to writing anything if no one reads it and I don't buy into that whole "write for yourself" crap either. The whole point of a writer wanting to write a story is to share it (to me) it's utterly pointless for me to write or want to write a story that is shared with no one. I don't want to keep a diary I want people to read my stories so when people tell me "Oh well when you write you do it for yourself" I don't believe that (and I don't get why anyone would think that, honestly). 

This is the position I'm in and it's even worse now because I have an injury that has reduced my work hours and I have even less to do (and little money to actually go find something entertaining to do). Even my video games, actual ones, which are just a hobby (honestly no addict tendencies there unless it's a game that just came out and I REALLY REALLY anticipated and this is rare) don't hold my attention as much as roleplay did. I don't have a ton of friends in real life, nor do I want them, I'm not lonely nor do I feel lonely, even when I'm not doing online roleplay I'm kind of a loner naturally. Losing this whole thing has been crappy, I don't desire more friends but I do desire mental stimulation with RP brings that writing alone just can't give me. 

Sorry that was so long, and confusing, but if you have questions and want me to explain this situation I will I just don't know how better to explain it other than the long theory that a lot of these accounts aren't "real people" and a lot of this stuff I went through was manufactured drama for the sake of drama and now I'm wondering why I did any of it, if the end result was for them to all just stop replying. 

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 22 hours 49 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
I agree there are a lot of

I agree there are a lot of drama seekers, manipulators, "catfishing" and fakery online. A very good reason to find healthier and more authentic outlets. Try meetup.com to find real life groups in your area. Look after yourself.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

TextBasedNightmare
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/05/2017 - 7:12pm
I'm not interested in real

I'm not interested in real life groups or other people.I'm a misanthropist and I like it that way. I have a few very close friends and I'm not interested in making more. My experience with real life people has been just as detrimental as a lot of online people so I don't really see the point in seeking out relationships if I'm not lonely, which I'm not. Besides what I'm into is obscure and I guarantee there aren't any real life groups for it. Thanks though. 

Log in or register to post comments