Will I ever be 100% ready to give up gaming (step 3)

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Chris-L
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Will I ever be 100% ready to give up gaming (step 3)

Hello lovely people

 

Iv been at it for many years now. last few years i started smoke cannabis a lot. the 2 combined made depression / isolation quite bad. a year ago i dived into Narcotics annonomous, got sponsor, started working steps (finishing step 3 atm).

luckily my NA sponsor has had experience with gaming addiction and is flexible to work both drugs and gaming with stepwork.

last week i wrote a letter to my gaming (sugestion by sponsor), like i would write a letter to a person. thanking it for the good times, and (trying to) express anger.

The gaming is causing problems (mainly late nights / isolation / lack of weekly planning), and with each week of self-reflection, it become slightly clearer that the healthy/wholesome/ fullfilling life i want is at the opposite end of the 'specrtum' to gaming.

I have had for a long time, a dream that I would like to build a yurt to call home, restore an old wooden sailboat and explore the worlds last frontier, the ocean. Before active addiction, i used to travel a lot, backpacking / vagabonding with little money and a guitar to busk. I was very purpose driven, to explore the extent of human kindness. some of the experiences blew me away, the love shown by strangers completely melted my mind. The possibilities in life became limitless for me. but instead i sunk into drug/gaming addiction and my world became so so small.

So a big part of me believes I can achieve my gratest dreams, or rather, faith in a higher power that will bring about these dreams in ways i could not imagine.  

I made a plan with sponsor to sell gaming laptop (ASUS G752, more a portable desktop at 4.5kg), and get a more portable laptop (with integrated GPU).

Selling my gaming laptop seems, at this point, a critical part of step 3, as making a decision without action seems pointless. So at the moment, i am probably procrastinating, trying to figure out if i am actually 100% ready to say goodbye for good.

do i need to be 100% ready to give it up?

should i continue to the 'bitter end'?

were you 100% ready when you gave it up?

what if i sell it and realize iv made a mistake? (took me many years to save money for it).

Thought i might have a go at Warhammer!? (AoS)

cidcid
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I don't know what will work

I don't know what will work best for you, but for me it usually helps if I don't give away or completely destroy what's going on with my games.  I'm the one who needs to change.  Hmm... Even as I write this, I realize that I gave away one particularly addictive game that I just couldn't stop playing.  I think on some level you know what's best fo you, so follow that over anything else I say.  In all likelihood, there will be relapses that will teach you what works and what doesn't.

For me, it comes down to making good choices every day.  Choices that make me feel good in the long term.  I actually made a list of Things that make me feel good afterward" and have to consult it from time to time in case I forget.  It's been a lifesaver on really bad days.  I highly recommend having such a list and consulting it whenever you feel like gaming.  See if you can pick something else from the list instead.

One idea for your laptop is to install Linux (Ubuntu/Fedora?).  I don't know if this is still true, but it used to be that a lot of games wouldn't run on Linux, and that can help.  Also, Linux is a great OS.

Also, you can edit your /etc/hosts file (I think even on Windows/Mac) to redirect certain domain name requests to localhost, which effectively makes them inaccessible like:

127.0.0.1       nethackwiki.com
127.0.0.1 nethack.wikia.com
127.0.0.1 www.steelypips.org
127.0.0.1 nethack.org
127.0.0.1 alt.org

I put a comment above that explaining as best and briefly as I can, why I shouldn't play games and what to consider doing instead.  It kind of helps a little bit.  For me, there is no single magic bullet to making good decisions about my life.  It's more a combination of a lot of little things that support good decisions.  When it works.

Sometimes my life doesn't work.  I had about 7 game-free years and I've slid back into all-day gaming bit by bit since April.  I had it "under control" for the first month or two as my life gradually slid until I mentally got to the point where, "I just don't care at all any more and I'm just gonna game" a month or two ago.  Which has served to really remind me why I try not to game.

Anyway, good luck to you.  I don't know if you need to 100% give it up.  But for me, it's a slippery slope.  I game a little and it seems like This Time I've learned to handle it.  I've got it under control.  A few months later I look back and wonder where my months went and see that moment as when things really started to go bad.  So 99% giving it up for me has always ended up 100% playing constantly and hating myself.

I love your comment, "Thought I might have a go at Warhammer!?" at the end.  I think like that every hour of every day.  I hope you do what makes you happy.  I hope I don't play more games!  :-)

Giving up alcohol was pretty easy for me - took maybe a month.  Giving up pot took 6 months or a year with counseling.  It's been arguably 25 years for both of those.  Giving up games?  My best streak in the last 25 years I've tried is 7 years with less than an hour of gaming per year.  I got to a point where I didn't think about it most days or even most weeks or most months.  It was a complete change in my outlook about my own life.  Then I started to take that for granted.  Then I started to slip...

Good luck Chris-L!  I hope you find joy in your life.  I hope you do better than I did at not playing games!

Polga
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Welcome Chris !

Welcome Chris !

Glad you are here! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and plans with us.

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Sven
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I second your sentiment that

I second your sentiment that giving up alkohol was easy compared to quitting gaming. When I quit ten years ago I knew there was no going back, gaming on the other hand...

When I first realized gaming might actually be a problem in my life, I tried to get rid of my computer, and I havent had one at home for 5 or so years but these days I'd like to get back into computing because it used to be a hobby of sorts (coding etc) before gaming took over my life back in the home computer days. 

So I'm in the market for a non-gaming computer but these days even the least powerful computers are so ****ed capable I'm not sure this is actually a good idea. I guess I have to try I can't always run away can I?

 

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