Hi everyone,
I am writing with an update on our son. He has been in out-patient daily therapy, both group and individual for the past 2.5 months. He feels that the group therapy has been extremely beneficial. His therapist pushes him and doesn't take any excuses. Although I am sure this is not always comfortable for him, especially in a group setting, our son seems to be responding well to that approach. He recently started working at a local retailer. He is getting back into the real world. Last night he told us he really enjoys being around people again. He also renewed his driver permit and then looked up driving schools in the area to get back behind the wheel and get his license. We are so happy for him as he finds his way back. We are not pushing him to go back to college at this point because we really want him to adjust on his own. He has spoken of taking a summer course at the local community college, but that will have to be his choice and his money. In my heart, I hope he will eventually complete his college degree, but I also understand that it has to be on his time frame.
Thanks for listening and providing support,
Gail
Gail, This indeed sounds like progress! It always gives me hope to hear when one gets reconnected with real life after gaming. I am so glad for you and your son. Keep hanging in there. We support you and keep us posted.
"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." taken from Papyrus, Corp.
That's great Gail! I agree with not pushing the college thing. A community college course or two to start with is a great idea. Plenty of time to get the degree.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
A college degree without drive is wasted.
I know of a neurosurgeon (4 years college, 4 years of medical school, and 7-9 years of post-graduate training) who lost his career/medical license because of a mistake that was a manifestation of his gaming. He gamed through an emergency page while on call because he did not hear/respond to his pager.
Gail, you're doing the right thing! College degree can wait until your son discovers purpose in life.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Gail,
Thanks for sharing the positive news...it's nice when one can come back to encourage others like you have! I appreciate the encouragement about the group therapy. I've been thinking this would be beneficial for my 17 yo when he returns from the RTC (in addition to family,indiv therapy). I think it helps that his therapist takes a non-nonsense approach. How great that he found a job! That will be one of the top priorities when my son returns--need to avoid too much leisure time! How great that he's enjoying people again as I'm sure he's finding people are enjoying him too!
When my son first started struggling w/ his college GE, my husband and I decided to let go of all the expectations that come with college (even though he's very bright). He has other challenges that need addressing before he tackles college full time. We're encouraging him to take one class to start with. Getting a job seems to be more beneficial now for what seem to be the same reasons for your son--builiding confidence in job skills and social skills which lead to independence--a shared goal for my son and us both.
Again, thanks for sharing your successes. What an inspiration! I'm so happy for your family!!
And don't forget, there are colleges which have work programs to help students out too. These students who also work at the college were a huge help to me when I was working there.
I think letting go of expectations was difficult but essential for us as a family to move forward. Education is extremely important to us. I am a college professor and in the final stages of my dissertation. It isn't lost on me that my students are the same age as my son. My husband said a few weeks ago that he doesn't know how I can work at a university everyday without being sad. I did go through a period of sadness when I thought about the experience our son was missing. However, when I interact with my students I notice the difference in maturity between them and our son. He is about 2-3 years behind in maturity level compared to other students his age. Recognizing that has actually been a blessing and has helped me to move beyond the sadness and recognize that our son needs to mature and get back into the real world on his own terms. It won't be on our time schedule, but on his. This has been a learning experience on so many levels. But I am cautiously optimistic that our son is turning the corner. Thank you all for your ongoing support.
Gail
Letting go of expectations.....
Exactly. That was the thing I had the most trouble with. We were going through the gaming addiction issues with GamerSon during our oldest son's last 2 years at a state U. Every time we visited Oldest Son's campus, I watched the students out on the quad, studying, playing Frisbee, and walking back and forth to their classes, and all I could think of was all of the experiences that GamerSon missed. For a long time I could not walk across any college campus without being in tears by the time we got to where we were going. I can't imagine being on a college campus every day while your son goes through this. Glad you have found a way to deal with the sadness.
Yes, this is a learning experience. Hugs to you.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Thanks, Gamersmom. Hugs to you as well :) I so appreciate that there are people here who understand exactly how this all feels. Some days are better than others, but overall I feel tremendous joy when I am teaching. It gives me the energy to deal with the sadness that I do still feel on occasion. I try to view this as a journey that, for whatever reason, our family was meant to take together.
Gail