I'm new and My 13 year old is addicted to online games and I feel at fault!

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jademorrigan
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I'm new and My 13 year old is addicted to online games and I feel at fault!

Hi, I'm so glad I found this place... My 13 year old son is addicted to online gaming (mostly Team Fortress 2 but STEAM in general) and I am at a loss. A little backstory: We moved to TN from MA in 2011 because where we were living became drug infested and we needed a change. My husbands family (not his biological father/family) lives here so they invited us to come and start anew. My son and I have all of our blood relatives and friends in MA and so it is very hard still.

Anyway, he always played games. I remember getting him to play Gamecube when it first came out and he loved it! We didn't see any issues with it then, he did what he had to do and we had limits that were followed. Well, since moving here, we have moved around a bit. He is on his 3rd middle school since 2011 and the last school he was bullied. He loved going outside at our last house because there was mountain he could play in and that made me THRILLED!

My son has ADHD so he does some things that are odd like talking aloud to himself and such. He attracted some mean kids who ultimately beat him up because he was playing with rocks and sticks. At that point, I didn't want him to go outside because it was too much. I was pregnant and had a 1-1/2 yr old daughter. So he started staying in more and more. We had a discussion about STEAM years ago and his step father and I said NO WAY! Well, we felt that he was getting older and that it would be ok. Well, what a mistake!! Once we opened that gate, we let out a monster.

My son REFUSES to go anywhere with us, the only way he will do anything is if I threaten to take away his computer/internet access. IF it comes down to that or even if I MENTION it, he will throw things and SCREAM at me! This is NOT my son.. not at all.

He is allowed 2 hours after school, not a second longer. I sit there like a prison guard and count the time, but when he gets off of it, he sticks his face in his ipod and watches videos of TF2. I JUST bought him an ipod touch because I thought he start listening to music or something. We got him a Kindle for Christmas too. His grades are not as good as they could be but NOT failing (that I know of!). He is SO bright and used to be fun to be around. Now he scares me when he doesn't get his computer time in or if it doesn't work right.

OMG if the internet goes out or there are loading issues, he FLIPS out! He kicks his chair, throws his headphones, stomps upstairs screams, punches the wall. I recently brought his computer into the living room so we can monitor it and he took that as a direct hit. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked "what did I do wrong mom?" I said nothing why? and he said "why am I being punished? Why can't I keep my computer upstairs?". This was my husbands idea of "including" him in family time.

Sometimes I get distracted because I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old so I have my hands full. He KNOWS how long he is to be online and if he goes over his time, he loses it completely the next day. Sometimes I miss it and can't "prove" he's gone over, but sometimes I do and IF I do, he will BEG me to give him another chance. He blew $250 on STEAM. He gets money from his grandparents and uncles for his birthday and holidays and he wanted it all in his steam account. Every penny of it was gone within 5 minutes. He got a check that was mailed late from his aunt so I held onto it until recently then I cashed it. When I told him I cashed it, I said I am NOT putting it in STEAM. it's a waste! He said ok but wrote me a 3 page email about how this is how he will learn to use his money and he should spend it now on whatever he wants because in the future he will have responsibility and that I am wrong for not allowing him to spend HIS Money how HE wants. It got to me.

Today, I put half of it in and gave him the other half in cash when he started begging me to buy this game for him and an online "friend". He got so angry he was typing hard at this "friend" and he was talking under his breath. I told him I will have his grandparents and family put the money into a savings account or give cash so that way he can utilize it or save it on other stuff. Once again he went into a RAGE.

I just do not know what to do. Is counceling something that will work? He has one friend who also has adhd, but he doesn't see him much. He used to play soccer, but had a bad year (bullied) so he stopped playing. We aren't religious people so church is out. I don't know what to do anymore and I need help... I want my son to stop this crazy anger and be social again. I want him to laugh and smile at something other than a computer monitor. I am upset I missed the group tonight, but I will be at next weeks. Any advice??????

Andrew_Doan
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At the age of 14, my wife

At the age of 14, my wife and I cut off the gaming completely with my addicted son.

- locked up the computers

- sold all games

- threw away all portable gaming devices

But if your son rages, make sure he doesn't have access to weapons and if he threatens you or the family, you may need professional help or the police to get involved.

I am sorry you're having such trouble.

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Englishmum
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Hi Jade Just wanted to say,

Hi Jade

Just wanted to say, you are not alone. I only found this site last week. I am mum of 17 year old gamer. His life has gone seriously downhill over the last eighteen months or so. We have also removed all computers/phones etc. Have also taken him to see GP and have had him referred for specialist counselling.

My son has days when he is really angry and days when he is incredibly sad, a bit like his parents really. It's tough but there is a lot of support here.

exazzy
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Hi Jade, welcome to Olga.

Hi Jade, welcome to Olga. I'm an addict, but I'm also a parent though my kids are younger than your son. People submerge into games (and other addictions) for many reasons, but I believe addiction is rooted in being unable to live life on its own terms. Just looking through your story, I'm struck with the incredible amount of change and uncertainty added to your sons life in the past couple years. Maybe your son is searching for stability and predictability? It could explain the angry when he feels his stability is being taken away. I have no great advice for you to 'fix it' but that aspect really stood out.

Twelve miles into the forest, 12 miles out.
Left my poisonous game July 4, 2012. Left online communities June 4, 2013.

Gamersmom
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Welcome to OLG-Anon.  The

Welcome to OLG-Anon. The rages are a sign of a serious problem. Moderation will never work for this kid.

BTW, do not beat yourself up or blame yourself. We did not know that games could be addictive, and experts still deny that gaming addiction exists, so how can anyone expect parents to be able to predict and prevent this?

Come to our parents' chat meeting next Thursday evening at 8PM CDT in the chatroom. Log into general chat with your username and password and someone will invite you into the meeting.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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I do agree that moderation

I do agree that moderation doesn't work. We tried it with my son on numerous occasions, until he'd eventually earn his gaming privileges back. He continued to abuse it, and no matter how much time we gave him it was never enough. The cycle continued until we finally stopped all gaming.

Your son has been through a lot of emotional changes. My son suffered a phyisical injury and could no longer participate in athletics. Whatever the trigger, they escape into games and a small percentage become obsessed, way more than most others.

In conjunction with stopping gaming, consider talking to a school counselor or authority regarding the bullying and make sure it stops. Take your son to a counselor or therapist if possible. And most of all, try to have available any activity he used to love or talked about wanting to try. It's always wise to have something to substitute once the initial depression and anxiety have begun to wear off. Eventually, life gets boring without games and he may be willing to find another outlet.

goincrazy
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Jademorigan, Oh my, my 15 yo

Jademorigan, Oh my, my 15 yo stepson is also on Team Fortress 2 and steam etc...I don't have much time now, will have to come back later to talk about what has/has not worked for us. All I can say now is you've come to the right place, spend some time here reading and educating yourself about this awful addiction. Don't make any changes until you know what to expect and have a plan of action.

"But if I ran the zoo," / Said young Gerald McGrew, "I'd make a few changes. / That's just what I'd do..."
Dr. Seuss

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Hi Jademorigan, Welcome and

Hi Jademorigan,

Welcome and I am glad that you are here. I am a single parent of a gaming 19 year old who has struggled unsuccessfully to get control of his gaming for years. He recently has spent over $4000 on Steam, money intended for education. I have personally experienced similar outbursts and reactions and at times they left me feeling shocked, dismayed and afraid. This is a cunning and strong addiction and not easy to live with. Please know that you are not alone. Join us for Thurs night 9pm EST chat meetings and Fri anon meetings at 9 pm. We'd love to have you join us.

Hang in there, we are here to support you. Keep writing it out. Keep coming back.

Hugs

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." taken from Papyrus, Corp.

goincrazy
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Hi Jade, As I said before,

Hi Jade, As I said before, our 15 yo is on Team Fortress 2 (used to be Minecraft and LoL). I HATE TF2, as it is his first foray into first-person shooters, which I think is dreadful. Since he started on that game, he has become increasingly depressed, angry, irritable, and just dreadful to be around.

Since finding this site, my husband has attempted to "cure" him with moderation, and a lot of father/son discussions. We are going on 3 months of this, and I have to say IMHO it has been a total flop (I have little control as stepmother). His attitude has improved somewhat (he talks to me!), but just tonight he was being a total selfish pill because he wanted more "time". There are only two good results from the moderation--it is very clear to everyone now that he IS completely addicted, and by weaning him down slowly to 2 hours a day, we have avoided a total meltdown so far. But who knows what would happen if we do pull the plug?

A few pointers--I'm sure you've seen that you need to have the computer out in the open so you can monitor it. Any access to the internet needs to be controlled. Even watching videos, scyping, etc...can be used to "feed" the addiction. Heck, even the wii. ALL of the behavior you are seeing--the begging, the tantrums, the social avoidance, the anger, is from the addiction and will resolve when he gets better. You are weaning him down, which is good, just keep him off the internet completely after his 2 hours. Then give him goals such as finding new activities, being social, getting off the computer himself, with consequences of losing gaming time, until he is down to nothing. (We both know he won't be able to reach those goals if he is truly addicted--I know it is bad!).

You are absolutely not to blame for this! Video game addiction is unfortunately not very widely known, and can go "under the radar" for a long time. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress!

"But if I ran the zoo," / Said young Gerald McGrew, "I'd make a few changes. / That's just what I'd do..."
Dr. Seuss

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If your child was an

If your child was an alcoholic or drug addict, would you try to 'reduce' their daily consumption in the hopes that they'd eventually elimate? Substituting the word alcohol or heroin in place of gaming became my guide.

mommy3
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Dear Jade, My husband and I

Dear Jade,

My husband and I have lived through what you are living through now, but not with the small children. I don't know how you do it. We were very vigilant about monitoring time and money for a long while. We even set up detailed contracts. My son too wanted to cash in gift cards also. Long story short, all the turmoil about how long on the computer, when to get off, whether or not he was doing homework or games (HS level) the negotiating to stay on longer, the sneaking in the middle of the night, the having to hide modem cords and power cords began to wear heavily on our family. Finally, it was clear academics were suffering and the gaming went away for good. My son will be returning from a theraputic ranch experience next week to a "game free" home. His experience has prepared him for this as much as is possible. I'm not sure exactly what to expect, but my son now sees the damage gaming had done in our home and is willing to follow our rules (he will be 18 in April). I wish we had seen the signs earlier on, when my son was 13. Now is the time for you to get the help you need. As Gamersmom said, don't beat yourself up, many of us thought gaming was good for our sons, I did. I though he was learning valuable skills, even socialization. I never thought it could become the monster it did.

We encourage you to keep coming back, keep posting and join in on the Thurs nigth chats. This place has been a precious gift to me during the last three very painful and stressful months. I wish I had found this community much earlier. I'm glad you're here, sharing your story and loving your son! Take care mom.

jademorrigan
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Wow, Thank you all so much

Wow, Thank you all so much for all of the input. It is a lot to take in and a lot to put in order. I have him down to two hours a day, but he sneaks the ipod touch and I am not always on top of it. I had a long heartfelt talk with him, and explained why I feel the way I do and that addiction - whether it is gaming, smoking, drugs or whatever - is not a good thing. I showed him a few websites (including the "gamers" section of this one) and asked him to think about what he is reading and what he learns.

I found an article from Canada (2008 I think) where a 15 year old boy, who just happened to share my sons name, got mad and stormed out of the home because his parents took his Xbox away for good and he wound up murdered. I FEAR THAT more than anything!! Who is he "talking" to on TF2? I have always told him NEVER give your real info out, but once someone earns trust I know how hard it can be. We are working on it. I am also looking into what our insurance will cover for therapy. Not only for gaming, but the whole situation. I know it has not been a stable life the last 18 months, but we are working on it.

We moved into a house in Jan and aren't moving. I also told him that he needs to think about things he might want to try (karate, sports, comic book geekery) and we will work on getting him into it. We live 1/4 of a block from a comic book store, maybe he can meet some kids to hang out with. I don't know I feel like I am grasping at straws but I am doing what I can. Whether it works or not, I won't know for sure until I see results or lack of results. Thank you all again and I will be back every couple days to check in. I will also be here Thursday as long as I can get my youngest 2 to bed on time.

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Hi Jade, Welcome to Olganon.

Hi Jade,

Welcome to Olganon. I too have a son that is addicted to online gaming. He is 17 and we spent years trying to "fix" him with moderation, counseling and dillegent parenting. We too had moved and that played into his using gaming to cope and our feeling guilty for moving. We went back and forth allowing gaming then cutting him off completely. It was a crazy full time job just keeping on top of it. In retrospect, I think the best thing for our son would have been to cut him off entirely and completely when he was younger. Nothing good came from his gaming, just misery for all of us. Now he is in a therapeutic boarding school with no access to any electronics. It's a huge financial burden and a big stress in our lives but it is our last offering to him before he turns 18 and will be entirely on his own if he chooses to game again.

I have found that setting clear boundaries and dropping the guilt I felt to be most helpful. We didn't cause this and we sure can't cure it. It was also helpful when a friend of mine asked me if it was heroin that he was addicted to, would I give him just a little bit? It's the same disease.

"Sometimes the purest form of love is a slap."

susie
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Hello, I have a 14 year old

Hello,

I have a 14 year old that is addicted to Black Ops and Call of Duty. He is spending his entire day in the basement. He never comes up to eat and even stashed a bunch of food in the pantry so he can just eat snacks while he is gaming. He is lying about the time he spends on it and has rages when you make him get off. In the last year since we got these games, he has been increasingly dishonest, full of anger, and wants nothing to do with his family. He denies he has a problem and has been trying to tell me that the reason he plays the game is because there are some kids at school that are giving him a hard time. Although I believe it, I also know that some of this is normal teenage behavior, that he's trying to find where he fits, etc. I feel like I failed as a parent by allowing these games into our house in the first place. I also have a 6 year old that goes downstairs by his brother and watches the games. I've also noticed his behavior changing. My 11 year old gets off the bus and starts playing Minecraft immediately and will play all night. I recently took the PS3 away from my 14 year old because of his behavior issues and he is having a complete melt down. He is throwing fits, crying, calling me on my way home from work begging. I allowed him to keep his ipod, but he basically goes onto call of duty and you tube to watch the war games and will do this for the entire evening after he comes home from school. I want to scream! Please tell me if I should go cold turkey and take away all mindcraft and war games or if I should just limit? Every time I have limited in the past, nobody follows the rules. I worry about this summer since they will be home and I can't control the situation while I'm at work. Advice and what has worked for you all please!

hummingbird
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Susie, like you said,

Susie, like you said, "everytime I limited in the past, nobody follows the rule," so it is time to purge your home life from all games. I wish I realized this years ago. If I had done this when my kids were 14 and 11, about a year and a half or so after their Dad died and we moved out of state, in hindsight, I don't think we would be in the nightmare that we are in today. I kept insisting (beating my head against a brick wall) that by setting the rules and limits that my kids would listen and follow them...I think that the gaming mentality had already set in and they saw my limits as just another gaming strategy, a challenge to be taken down...I should have just pulled the plug on everything back then. You have a right to a game free home.

Hang in there; keep coming back.

Jade...my son's game of choice for the past year has been TF2 and I have to say, listening to the yelling, cussing, and insults that I heard from the basement when he and his team played, horrified me. When not on the game he was agressive toward me, verbally abusive and horribly mean. He has not been playing it for about a month (not sure why) and his demeanor is softer, kinder now. I see a direct correlation with his angry, agressive side and how much time he spent on TF2. It was scary. He really seemed brain-washed.

Glad you are all here. Join us if you can for the parent meetings on Thurs. 9 pm EST and anon meetings Fri at 9 pm ST.

Many hugs to all.

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation." taken from Papyrus, Corp.

Patria
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Stop the games. Period.

Stop the games. Period. Limiting does not work.

Hugs.

fresh_air_outside
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Hi, I'm still new here so

Hi, I'm still new here so forgive me because there's something I don't understand. I have a son who is a minor who is an addict. BUT we do not completely remove the computers from the house because he sometimes needs a computer for school. The tug of war with his laptop (I mean literally!) has resulted in violent scenes. What I do not understand is, a kid needs to develop his maturity to make smart choices right? and if the computer is taken away how will the kid ever do that? I understand the close parallels to alcoholism but don't understand something else: Isn't "hiding the bottles" a strategy that does not work, since the alcoholic will always figure out a way to find more bottles? Thanks everyone for helping to educate me. It is tough having a child addict.

"Want to feel better, have more energy and perhaps even live longer? Look no further than exercise. The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are yours for the taking, regardless of your age, sex or physical ability." - Mayo Clinic Staff

mommy3
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Hi fresh air, You've brought

Hi fresh air,

You've brought up a lot of great questions, good questions that warrent good responses. I would suggest moving your post (not sure how to do this) or just copying your post above to a new thread of your own.

All I can say right now is that having a child who is an addict in your home is not the same as an adult with the ability to leave or learn on his own. We as parents of minors are responsible and must make the best choices.

Computer for school is a tough one, but there are ways to block or monitor game play. Something needs to be done so you're not physically engaging with him (I know it's hard, but it's possible). You or your child could get seriously hurt. It may take him years to make smart choices re computer usage. Gaming can be highly addictive even for mature adults. There's stategies that may help.

I hope that's a good start. Starting your own thread would probably be a better way to get responses specific to your concerns.

Keep coming back and keep searching for solutions! There is hope.

goincrazy
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Hi fresh air, yes, that is a

Hi fresh air, yes, that is a very good question. I think a lot of parents (and therapists, evidently) feel that way. The parallel with alcoholism stills holds up quite well. We do not allow our children and our teens to drink until they are well developed. That is because as a society, we have decided that their immature minds and bodies cannot handle the alcohol. Addiction specialists say that if you can keep a child away from an addictive substance until they are 21, the chances of them becoming an addict drop drastically. Their minds are developed and they understand the consequences of their actions.

Once a child has developed gaming addiction, they will not make rational, reasonable choices--they will continue down the rabbit hole unless the drug is removed. If you read old postings (from both gamers and parents) you will see this clearly. They are not adults that can (hopefully) take responsibility for their addictions.

The homework/gaming dilemma is a tough one--my son is pulling that gambit right now. There is software available that restricts access to certain websites, and we are thinking of going that route. I would also suggest that you get rid of the laptop, it is really hard to monitor what they are doing if they are not in a public space. (That will be a fun day!)

"But if I ran the zoo," / Said young Gerald McGrew, "I'd make a few changes. / That's just what I'd do..."
Dr. Seuss

fresh_air_outside
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Thanks m3 and gc. I will

Thanks m3 and gc. I will move this into a new thread, I can see we are just getting to the scary looking top of the iceberg for now. I will post one more reply here when I've got the thread moved. thx again FAO

"Want to feel better, have more energy and perhaps even live longer? Look no further than exercise. The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are yours for the taking, regardless of your age, sex or physical ability." - Mayo Clinic Staff

fresh_air_outside
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I have moved my post above,

I have moved my post above, and the two comments to a new thread with the NEW TITLE:

The "But I need the computer to do my schoolwork" excuse. Hope to see your advice there, thanks so much everyone!!!!!!! FAO

"Want to feel better, have more energy and perhaps even live longer? Look no further than exercise. The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are yours for the taking, regardless of your age, sex or physical ability." - Mayo Clinic Staff

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Jade, your problems sounds

Jade, your problems sounds very similar to the one we've had with our son. He was raging when gaming was cut off and he also has ADHD. Kids with ADHD are more prone to video game addiction because it provides the dopamine release that their brains don't produce naturally. The best way to deal with this is cut out ALL gaming, including on his phone if he has one. I have restricted my son's phone so that he has NO internet access. He can text, take pictures, read his bible, and make calls.

My son is also in counseling and seeing a doctor who specializes in ADHD. Google the Focus Clinic and see if there is one in your area. Things have gotten much better since we took the games away. He occasionally asks to get his "stuff" back, ipods, computer, etc. but we have not given in. We tried limitations and that doesn't work. Your best option is to cut him off. You have him for the next five years and during that time you make the decisions, not him. My son is finally doing things outside of the home and has recently started interacting with real people again, not just online friends. He is also playing basketball and fishing. Don't give up but take control now while you can. Everyone on this site is here for support and advice. You are not alone and blaming yourself won't help. I could blame myself to the moon and back but we are where we are now and I can change the here and now not the past, so can you. Good luck and if you have any questions please feel free to private message me.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

mommy3
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Bellasmom, I'm glad to hear

Bellasmom,

I'm glad to hear things are going well! My son is doing so much better too without the games. It took him awhile to get out of a very deep rut and that was hard for us all to experience. Now he's working part time and looking into auditioning for a play. He's MUCH sweeter and genuine. I'm SO thankful we have a gamefree home!

I'm hoping other mom's here can eradicate games from the home too...I know it's hard and everyone's circumstances are different.

Great seeing you here!

Bellasmom30
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Mommy3, That is wonderful

Mommy3,

That is wonderful that your son is doing better. It's amazing the change once the games are gone. I hope that other parents will be encouraged by these comments and know that it's not a battle that's won overnight but it can be done.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

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This sounds like a similar

This sounds like a similar situation we have as well as we also have a 13-year old son.

For ADHD, check out the Feingold Diet. It was originally called the ADHD Diet. This has helped our son a lot, especially eliminating the artificial dyes.

mommy3
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Briggs, Wish I could get my

Briggs,

Wish I could get my son to eat what I think is healthy for him. I've offered to take him to the dr and to get various supplements for his LD and brain function. Now that he's older, 18, he'll simply say, I don't want to do that or eat that and there's not much I can do. It's not worth the battle. I'm hoping as he matures that he will begin to make better decisions for himself.

I've heard of that diet before and I'm going to look into it! I'm always trying to challenge myself to eat better--which is a struggle for me.

Thanks for the advice...I really appreciate it.

Wishing you all the best with your situation.

operetta
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mommy3 and Briggs, FWIW, my

mommy3 and Briggs, FWIW, my husband was very hyperactive as a child and his parents researched and put him on the Feingold Diet, which helped him a lot apparently. I just tried it for my 7-yr old daughter... and I'm not sure of the results. A definite maybe. We'll come back form our trip and try again.

Best of luck to you both.

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)." --Lewis Carroll

briggsjo
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Once they see it benefits

Once they see it benefits them, then it is easier for them to comply. For us, it's a matter of substituting one thing for another. Even my daughter sees the benefits. The dyes make her sick, which I have to use a homeopathic remedy to make her well again. It starts out with sneezing then progresses to an ear infection and fever if I do not catch it in time.

mom@a-loss
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I've been reading some of

I've been reading some of your posts. My son too is addicted to gaming. I'm trying not to feel like a bad parent. Being a single mom sucks sometimes! Any way, he is almost 18, spends almost all of his non working time on computer games. When gaming is over he goes to his tablet, to watch videos of gaming. When the internet is off he goes to game boy. He purchased all of these items on his own, except for the desk top computer. (Though he spends over$300 to upgrade that with a better video card.)

I commiserate with those whose children take the tantrums when internet or gaming are taken away. He's very adept at telling me why he should be gaming.

I'm tired of the arguments, the discussions, the disrespect, etc. Sometimes I feel like he is a dementor (from Harry potter) sucking out all the hope, joy out of life because of this addiction.

On the other hand, he is very smart, is enrolling in the community college with a full 2 yr scholarship. He is a good kid, and has never been into any trouble. He used to read voraciously, but now says there isn't any thing to read that interests him.

He will be leaving for 3 weeks to visit is dad. I need to come up with some serious strategies before he gets back. I will be studying more on this looking for answers.

Kim
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mom@a-loss wrote: He is a
mom@a-loss wrote:

He is a good kid, and has never been into any trouble. He used to read voraciously, but now says there isn't any thing to read that interests him.

When I was younger I used to read for hours at a time. I did it mostly to avoid having to deal with life. I could escape in a book and not have to deal with what is going on. Eventually, I started using video games to do the same thing.

Game free since February 4 2013

mommy3
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Kim, My son has not had

Kim,

My son has not had access to video games for 6 months now. He's always used reading as an escape, especially since he started the Harry Potter series in 2nd grade and continuted reading the books over and over all the way through High School. Now he watches a lot of TV. His most recent genre has been Anime movies. I find them very annoying and the cartoon images remind me of gaming.

He's starting to work a couple hours a day and starts GE classes in the fall. I was wondering to myself today when, if ever, he wil become more engaged in day to day responsibilities without external motivation. He's 18yo with a developmental delay which makes maturity way harder.

This is one of those areas where I'm glad I can pray, because I just don't know when he will be able to take care of himself on his own...

Kim
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Mommy3, My son has adhd and

Mommy3,

My son has adhd and sometimes it really is hard to parent a child that is delayed. My heart goes out to you and your situation. I hope that things improve for you.

Game free since February 4 2013

dubaaron
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@kim haha, wow. you've hit

@kim haha, wow. you've hit something there. I'm addicted to video games, and concerned about my 11-yr old son who is also; but what I'm even more addicted to is reading. Books, online articles, (this forum!) ... and I've noticed that this goes back to childhood, when I used reading as an escape. If I was reading a book, my dad wouldn't bother me as much about doing chores, etc. I can now see this same pattern with my son.

mommy3
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Kim, Thank you for your

Kim,

Thank you for your concern; you are very kind! I'm sorry to hear your son has adhd. Few people understand what it's like to manage a child w/ a disability.

He is doing better. He's much less depressed now and is forming a friendship with another young adult his age, with similar interests. His work and internship (while only a few hours a day) is a positive experience for him and will soon register for fall classes. We're hoping he will do better w/out the games around. It will be interesting to see how his school experience will differ without them, considering he still has the challenge of the learning disability.

For now things are relatively stable. I'm thankful he's not playing games. Life is much better for him and the entire family without them!

WoW Parent
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Our daughter has ADHD

Our daughter has ADHD (inattentive type), Dyslexia, Dyscalculia and a Reading Comprehension disorder. For 9 years she went to a private school intended for kids like her. She was taught to embrace her learning "differences" and adapt her learning styles. Thanks to some incredible assistance, she has learned to advocate for herself. Schools are required to provide accommodations and she has taken advantage of every opportunity provided. She is a 3rd year college student; in her 2nd year, she made the President's list with a perfect 4.0 GPA.

As an educator (Bachelor's and Master's in Education) I was able to recognize her special learning needs and never considered them to be a 'disability'. She is every bit as capable as any other young person and in some ways, learns with a complete understanding that others lack. With proper treatment (meds), she is able to function quite well.

A learning difference may impact a person's interests and behaviors but should never be used an excuse for choices made. Those who are physically disabled are able to make good decisions or bad. The same goes for the learning different. It may be more difficult for them, but they should nonetheless be held responsible for the choices they make.

My son, the former gaming addict, is gifted and has no learning difficulties. I have great difficulty accepting that those with ADHD, Asperger's or other differences should be given special understanding/consideration when it comes to gaming addiction. They may be more prone to compulsive gaming, but it doesn't mean that plans for recovery need to be different.

Kim
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WoW Parent wrote:  I have
WoW Parent wrote:

I have great difficulty accepting that those with ADHD, Asperger's or other differences should be given special understanding/consideration when it comes to gaming addiction. They may be more prone to compulsive gaming, but it doesn't mean that plans for recovery need to be different.

I really like that, it is so true. Thanks for the insight. :)

Game free since February 4 2013

dcampobasso
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We went game free 3 weeks

We went game free 3 weeks ago. Experiencing a wide range of emotions every day. I'm wondering from those who have gone thru this:

1. How long will he keep asking for it back?

2. How long before he accepts a fame free home & stops being mad all the time.

thanks for any help & hope!

WoW Parent
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The asking may go on for

The asking may go on for many months. The same goes for acceptance of a game free home. I think the problem many of us have had is that we have a difficult time coping with the constant nagging and negative behaviors and eventually cave in, if only for a short time.

One, little exception to the rule will have you starting back at square one. Stay firm and strong; eventually your child will find an alternative source of entertainment. Encourage and suppport any interest in a healthier outlet. For our son it was chess and then eventually, physical fitness. It's been more than 6 years and he's still compulsive about his health and appearance but it's a harmless compulsion.

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It may take months to stop

It may take months to stop asking for the games back. Don't give in and they will eventually stop asking. The anger will also go away. They have to get through the withdrawals and it's still early in the recovery process. My son is 8 months game free and our whole world has changed. I now have my son back. It will get better but it doesn't happen overnight or even in a few weeks. Hang in there and keep coming back here for support.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

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Very nice Bellasmom! I am

Very nice Bellasmom! I am glad your son is doing better. It is nice to have feedback from those who have succeeded the first phase of addiction. Keep us posted.

It's good to have goals and dreams, but while you're waiting for things to change, waiting for promises to come to pass, don't be discontent with where you are. Learn to enjoy the season that you're in--Pastor Joel Osteen

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This thread is very good as

This thread is very good as it covers a wide range of parental experiences. So I am bumping it to the top of the pile.

Any updates to this thread would be valuable.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Applejackson
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Get help for your child's

Get help for your child's ADHD.  This is a symptom of the illness.  I have it and I will always choose something that is soothing to me over what I'm "supposed" to do.  Everything you've described is going to be a constant struggle.  More than likely, it will be drugs when he gets older.  Video games are not the problem here, but only what he has access to NOW.  If you just take them all away, he'll find something else he finds comfort and/or interest in.  He needs medication and therapy.  Especially in the situation you've described where he's been moved around regularly.  "Addiction" in almost every case in my experience is an attempt to self medicate for  something that isn't being properly addressed.  To the point where I doubt the existence of "addiction" in it's current definition at all.  I've gone through ALL of it.  Proper meds and regular therapy are the answer.  Do not take away his ability to deal with the less-than-ideal situation he finds himself in.

Polga
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Hi Applejackson

Hi Applejackson

Thank you for sharing.

We find from the stories of parents on this forum that kids that have a mental diagnosis such as Aspergers, ADHD, anxiety etc are more predisposed to gaming compulsions, addictions or what ever you want to call it; that their excessive gaming has a negative effect on their life, and the rest of their life is falling apart because of it.

Children who spend vast amounts of time gaming, are not learning new skills or ways to cope. The brain also rewires so they loose all interest in other things. They cannot moderate by themselves. The parent must step in to help the child so that they can recover from the damage that is being done. Removing the game is the best solution where the child fails to moderate on their own and there is a huge amount of drama surrounding them continuing gaming.

As you infer, the child will have to learn to control their behaviour by the time they are an adult. By a parent removing the game so the brain can heal, the child will have a better chance of learning the life skills to get them through adulthood. It must be hard situation for the parent and the child to have to cope with this diagnosis. But video game addiction is not going to make it any better, only worse.

We learn we cannot cure their addiction or problem. We we also learn we do not have to enable it either.

Video game addiction can also mimic mental health conditions; see this thread

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/what-i-would-say-parents

and here

http://www.olganon.org/blog/headbands18/i-am-so-proud

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Robert Reny
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3 Ways to keep your child away from smart phone addiction

The United Nations health agency issued its first guidelines stating that older children, between aged two and four, should not be allowed sedentary screen time to more than one hour per day. The agency’s guidelines also covered sleep and exercise.

Here the key features of the guidelines:

-Infants below one year should interact in floor-based play or “tummy time” for at least one hour each day and avoid all electronic screens.
-Children aging from one to four should spend at least three hours in various physical activities, with no more than an hour of electronic     screen time.
-Children should not be restrained in a high chair or strapped to someone’s back for more than one hour at a time.

emmamoule
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my15 years old son is

my15 years old son is addicted to games. he is more interested in violence game rather than just racing or strategy games. I have read many studies of a different doctor on gaming disorder. according to Dr. Marcus Carter from the University of Sydney has posited a different take. In a study from 2017, he states that the benefits of video games may outweigh the potential negative results. I have read this study in this article. https://parentology.co/study-are-video-games-really-that-bad-kids/. should I let my son keep playing games? I think he is too young for video games. I should sell out the violence game collection.

Polga
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Hi Emma

Hi Emma

In that article it says “As with any media, moderation is important,”

If your son is a gaming addict then he probably cannot moderate. If he does not have much of a life apart from gaming then something really does need to be done if he is to get on in life. He probably does not have the power or desire to want to tackle this on his own. That article is not aimed at parents of gaming addicts.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

emmamoule
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Hey Polga,

Hey Polga,

Thanks for sharing these sources. I will look into "help for video game addicts".

Polga
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Hi Emma

Hi Emma

You will find the link for parents may help you better.

The " help for addicts" link would be helpful for an addict to read who wants recovery

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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