My son is in college. He is

Hi BelleD,

Welcome to OLG-Anon. Glad you have found us. I have asked an admin to create a new thread for your question so more people can see it and respond to it.

Polga

Edited by Liz W. This reply is by Polga. Needed to separate the above post and make it a new topic. 9/21/2014

Hi BelleD

There are many stories about kids failing in college because of gaming addiction. When I realised the negative effect that gaming was having on my own son I found it really helpful to read as much as i could on the forum about gaming addiction and the stories of the other parents and how they coped.

A good starting point is this post which explains the main issues:

http://olganon.org/?q=node/4231

Then you could put "college" into the search box at the bottom to find related posts on kids in college.

I identify with the behaviours you are observing with my own son. Gaming has changed their brain chemistry and transforms them into an addict that is low on empathy, is manipulative, lies, they become isolated, and don't look after themselves...not the son that you once knew. Only a substantial time game-free can start the healing process to turn them back into a normal human being.

We cannot control our children's addiction but we can make sure that we will not enable them. If you are paying for him to be in college you can consider removing that source of funding. If he wants to stay he will then have to get a job to support himself; less time to game. We need to make them responsible for their actions otherwise they will not grow. If he is so affected that he will not get a job then it's better he stops staying in college and failing. Let him find his own way. When he has got his act together he can fund himself to go. If he needs to live with you, it can be "your house your rules " and we would recommend that you make your home game free while he lives with you.

The therapy in college may be useless because many therapist counsellors do not understand addiction and may suggest that he just tries to cut down. For an addict that is not possible to cut down.

It is really sad how addiction gets a hold of them that they can hardly help themselves. They need our love but we must be strong not to enable them to continue in the game any longer.

Once we have done all we can not to enable them, we can decide to let go from the stress and unhappiness their addiction causes and detach with love, because we cannot control them but we can decide to just accept them where they are and carry on with our lives until they are ready for our help if they need it.

Please keep coming back

Hugs xx

Polga

Belle, there have been many parents here who have experienced circumstances similar to what you are having with your son. If your son isn't going to classes, his grades are likely in the tank and there's the risk of academic probation. Some have lost lucrative scholarships and the opportunity to return to a school of choice after a second semester of similar behavior. I think they would all agree that before it's too late, you should unenroll him/refuse to pay for another semester.

I can't think of a single case where a parent "trusted" their child to stop gaming and get back to focusing on academics without many supervised, game-free months first. Focus on getting his gaming under control/stopped altogether. In our case, our son was in recovery before college. Still, we insisted that he live at home, attend a local university and hold a part-time job. A missed year of college is nothing compared to a missed opportunity for a college degree.

We have a very similar experience going on right now with our 19 year old freshmen Son who is away at college. He most likely will not get a 3.0 this first semester even though offered an academic scholarship if he keeps a 3.0 each year. He wants to leave school after this semester,come home to live, go to commmunity college, get a job and of course play Xbox, which includes playing in tournaments. We know the xbox addiction is his down fall in college as it was his last 2 years of high school. He says he is depressed and unhappy at college and doesn't like the party scene. We don't want to waste more money but are willing to give him 1 more semester at a college (most likely community near home). We need to say no more XBox but fear what he will do and say?? We have made an appointment with a Christian Psychologist who has experience in addiction and recognizes that video gaming can be an addiction. So you think letting him come home to live and going to community + work is a good plan? What if we he says Im not coming home then if I cant have Xbox with me? This kid is a good kid but he needs help and we don't know how to help him exactly??? Thanks for this site and need your help!!

Jmac

Hi JMac

Welcome to OLG-Anon

I tried to negotiate that if my son did xyz he could continue to game when he was at home. He could not stick to the agreement so we decided to go gamefree.

I really recommend you read as many stories as you can on this website and come back often before you sit down and make a plan.

Here is a good post to start with if you haven't seen it yet: http://www.olganon.org/?q=node/4231

Your plan may change as you go along and that's OK. At the end of the day we cannot control their addiction, but we can rightly refuse to stop enabling them if they continue to make the wrong choices.We can only help them if they want to be helped. They will learn better if they are made to face the consequences of their actions.

Please continue to ask any questions which may arise.

Hi Jmac,

There are many moms here who have gone through experiences similar to yours and woud be willing to share. If you would like more feedback and exchange, please begin your own thread with your own title under the section I NEED HELP FOR PARENTS OF GAMERS. You can copy what you have already written and paste in the new thread.Just change the first few lines to make it your own.

I'm very sorry about the situation with your son. It sounds like you are on the right track and have good questions. Please continue to share your story as we are a community here who strive to support one another by not enabling our children in their addiction in order that we may all have improved, more productive lives. Our boys need to be independent and that should be our primary goal. Excessive gaming only delays that and creates a whole host of challenges that can last for years. Now is the time to do what you can to change the situation.

Please feel free to join us for the parent's support chat meeting on Thursday nights.

Take care!