14-year-old boy addict to computer. help!

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14-year-old boy addict to computer. help!

I am a 14-year-old boy mom. My son is very stubborn. I disconnected everything and he skipped school, slep on the roof (so I cannot reach him) and hate me. Now I am afraid to take away his stuff again. What should I do? he used to go to church, but no interest anymore. should I force him going to church? I pray day and night. feel helpless. 

Polga
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Welcome pray

Welcome pray

Keep coming back to read as much as you can starting with the threads linked to here in the first aid for parents thread below :

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/first-aid-kit-parents-video-game-addicts

You need to read as much as you can and then make a plan that you will stick to. once you take the internet game away, do it for good.  Repeatedly giving and taking away can make the reactions worse each time it is done to them. It escalates  He will not like what you do when the games go for good, but that is too bad. We do it for the hope that after a time their brains will start to heal. you need to ride it out.

Here is the experience of one of our members.

"When I first discovered this site, I was releived that I wasn't the only one going through this.

I don't want to be discouraging but will share what I learned throughout the process. I remember doing a similar thing with my son. Making a list of things he can do to replace his gaming. He tore the paper! I asked him to come up with things he would enjoy doing, there was none!

Throughout the process, I read a lot. Books, articles, recovering gamers' stories here and other parent's stories etc. The bottom line is, their brain is affected adversely and because of the chemicals involved, they no longer enjoy anything else and motivated to do anything else. Trying to convince them to do other things, threatening them, nice talk, arguments etc ..no use. They are living in a survival mode and their game is almost as essential to them as their food and drink. Their brain is craving for dopamine ( similar to drug and gamling addicts) because brain's natural dopamine receptors shut down to protect the body from excessive amount of dopamine. Their game is almost their only source of dopamine and when they stop playing they are depressed. Gaming is their digital drug. It makes them feel better in the short run but they feel worse in the long run. Unfortunately since they are caught up in this cycle, they can't easily escape. Their brain need to heal first.. If he is addicted, he can't moderate. Even if he plays certain amount of time during the day, the will be thinking about it for the rest of the time. 

We cut off internet gradually to nil to give his brain a chance to recover. It wasn't easy but after trying everything we can think of, everything the professional suggested, we knew it was the only thing we haven't tried (at least not long enough. Because we cut the internet off before for two months).. Weeks if not months after removing gaming completely he started to show interest in other things little by little. It has been nearly two years since gaming stopped but the recovery has been slow and definetely not complete. Maybe he will never be the same person again but at least we see a lot of improvement from where he was while he was gaming. Only recently I read a book titled "you are the placebo" by Dr Joe Dispenza and realized that stress makes sections of brain to start working incoherently and puts individuals to live in a survival mode. It then causes various ailments including anxiety  and depression. The individual start looking ways to relieve the emotional discomfort and in our children's case gaming becomes the means to relieve them from unwanted emotions. His suggestion to accelerate brain's healing is to meditate. The idea is to make the sections of the brain work coherently again. 

I know for sure it is NOT easy to pull our loved ones out of this destructive path but unless we understand why they are doing what they are doing, we can't help them. After realizing the reasons why my son became a totally different person I could empathize with him instead of getting angry with him or telling him what to do or what not to do...I made sure he realized without a doubt that we love him dearly and that is why we could no longer enable him on this destructive path. We took our time and implement things slowly but strictly. I couldn't have done it without the support of other parents and recovering gamers here. Our saga started 6 years ago and for the first 4 years it was like hell... I can easily say that if we didn't stop enabling his gaming and declared our home game free, we could still be going around the circles and living by disappointment after disappointment."

http://www.olganon.org/comment/261985#comment-261985

If you have any questions please ask.

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

pray
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Thank you very much! Your

Thank you very much! Your reply made me feel supported. 

Polga
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I'm glad you feel supported.

I'm glad you feel supported. We understand  how frustrating, baffling and strong this addiction is

but we can make changes that will help the situation

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Atwitsendtoo
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I really am at wits end!

Hope this gets posted. I am a mother of a 14.5 yr old who I believe is addicted to video games. I have tried disconnecting wifi and he goes crazy on me. Breaking stuff swearing, it’s brutal. He is missing school and failing. Will hound me for hours and follow me around the house until I give it back. Pretty bad and not sure what to do. Should have limited earlier but just didn’t realize how quick it would get out of hand. Need to know how or what I can do now. The physical ness of our fights are escalating though and it is just not pleasant to live with. He doesn’t care about anything except playing games with friends and snap chat.

Atwitsendtoo

Polga
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Welcome !

Welcome !

First you need to get educated about gaming addiction. Do that by coming back to the forum regularly. Start with the threads linked to here:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/first-aid-kit-parents-video-game-addicts

Taking away games and giving them back repeatedly causes ever increasing reactions each time. Next time make it a permanent thing.

After you have more understanding you will need to think about your plans regarding dealing with his use of digital media, including that will address any physical issues; you may need to get support from other people with this. You could say any physical stuff will result in you calling the police, a neighbour, or have someone standing by to read him the riot act when you say what is happening. You must follow though any threats or if it's too bad arrange for him to have some kind of residential therapy without him knowing in advance.

For him to stand any chance to recover, the games have got to go while he lives with you.

See this testamony from a mom who wishes what she had done at your son's age:

"I will tell you what I wish we would have done when our son was your son's age. This is what I think might have had a better chance of working than what we did do: I would have completely eliminated computer access in our home and never brought it back, ever. I don't know if this is you, but we have free public computers in our library and I would have used those, period. I would never have made bargains or deals or agreements with our son about his gaming, I would have established that we would have zero tolerance for gaming under any circumstances. Rather than permitting him to fall in with a crowd of gamers, and spend days and nights in other people's homes gaming, I would have told him it's better to be alone.

I would have gotten him a counselor or therapist right at the get-go, and been straight up with the counselor about the fact that my son was a gaming addict and that he needed help for that particular issue. I would not have accepted any statement from the counselor to the effect that my son had "underlying issues" that, when they were "resolved," would permit my son to game "responsibly." (Obviously, your son and my son may have other psychiatric issues, that's not what I'm trying to say... but I would have made it clear that my son wouldn't be allowed to game no matter what.)

This might be really controversial but, I would have forced my son to participate in life. Whether that meant picking clubs or music activities or sports or Boy Scouts and signing him up and driving him there, or whatever, I wouldn't have taken "no" for an answer. Your son will NOT want to do anything... this is the nature of the malady. But the longer he goes with no other outlets, no healthy activities, nothing else to do and nobody to do it with, the harder it's going to be when quit day finally comes, if it ever does.

I can't tell you how much I wish I had those years back... and in some ways, I think even my son is starting to realize the waste as well. I guess the bottom line of what I'm trying to say here is, half-measures will avail you nothing. Either make a full-frontal assault on this thing or leave it alone and reconcile yourself to the fact that your son's life title will be Loser Gamer. God knows I wish I had, long before now."

It's up to you to stop enabling him. No body can do that for you but you. If you need more help, we are here for you

 

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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