Firstly thanks for this website. It has really helped me to understand the issues with my 18 year old son and how to deal with him. His behavioral symptoms were exactly same as narrated by many. I have finally made my home WiFi and game free. Took away his smart phone few weeks ago. He is slowly recovering from the withdrawal symptoms and trying to come out of isolation.
I need your help on how to motivate teenage son to focus back on academics. My son has lost one year of high school. He does not show confidence or interest in academics as yet. He has no friends so there is no peer pressure.
I also need help to understand what precautions to be taken or how to educate him to ensure there won't be a relapse of gaming addiction. He still feels the joy in his life has been taken away by me!
Cheer, the road to recovery seems to take longer than the one into compulsion. In my son's case, it took around 5 months for his head to clear and for him to start finding other things that interested him. He started with chess and ended up with physical fitness and nutrition, probably because he always enjoyed strategy and is still a sports fanatic.
My son had also lost a year of school and came back from 10 months in therapy just before his 18th birthday. We put him in a private school where he could make up the classes he'd failed and/or missed and graduate on time, with his peers. That was a huge incentive for him.
Since your son is 18, I'm assuming he's considered a legal adult. As such, you may have no control over what he chooses with regard to his education. I would also highly recommend a job as a condition of continuing to live with you. Not only does it get them out of the house and away from games but it creates a social environment. If your son has no friends, that could be extremely helpful in developing some social skills.
As for you being the one who took all of his "joy" away...I think every one of us parents has been told exactly that. It takes time for them to find joy in other things, but they eventually do. My son (now 25) recently told me that he forgave me a long time ago. Time heals most things.
Thanks. Hearing about success stories like your son is very encouraging. It gives immense strength and courage to continue with the efforts.
Welcome Cheer
I found this site really helpful to make a plan regarding my son. I'm glad your son is younger and still a minor so you have more options.
It's slow process. As long as you stick to your plan you will be doing all that you can. And we all make mistakes along the way, but can learn and share.
I found it really helpful to keep coming back to embed all the information and experience in my brain so that I could stay strong and connected to the reasons I was doing those measures.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
My house has been game free for few months now. After reading many threads on this website, home is WiFi free as well as iPhone free for over a month.
My son is showing signs of improvement. He has started playing chess and table tennis regularly. For last one week he has also started playing with his earlier friends with whom he used to play before he went into isolation. He is still not very happy with me and keeps asking me to return his iPhone.
Myself and my son read the book Cyber Junkie. Very useful book indeed.
Due to lack of physical activity, he is under weight. Medication was started for Vitamin D and A. I have started giving him fruits or canned juice every day along with homemade food. Please share if u have any suggestions on diet.
The process is painfully show but signs of improvement just gives reassurance to continue with the efforts. He agrees there is an issue of addiction. However, he keeps claiming that the day he manages to get hold of games again, he would luv to play!! Currently time spent on TV has increased.
What a coincidence. The first two activities my son engaged in after the gaming stopped were chess and table tennis! It's been a month and you've already seen some progress. He's being honest when he says he's still thinking about gaming. Give it another 4 months and see if things have changed. I'm betting his life will look far different than it does today.
Thank you for sharing the good news Cheers. We also experiences increased TV time but it gets better in time as he engages himself in other activities.
Fish oil helps with depression side of things. Fresh fruit juice is better than the canned ones if you have the means to prepare it. Balanced diet will help him improve in all areas. We found other supplements helped my son. Please send me a PM if you like me to talk about the supplements we benefited from in detail.
I read Cyber Junkie also and yes it is a good book.
Congratulations for making a decision, taking action and sticking with your decision. That is the only way out of this darkness. It is a slow and painful process but it will get better in time once he starts to get engaged in more activities. Having friends should help him even more.
Take care and good luck!
"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." "The first step toward change is acceptance." "Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do." "Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."- Will Garcia
I'm glad to hear of your son's progress! I took my son to an integrative doctor for a full blood work up to determine what supplements would be best for him. Also, the dr recommended the best quality brands. I think it's a great idea to help you son w/ nutrition. I've been on supplements for a few years now and feel much better when taking them.
My dr recommends the following for most everyone, but getting a blood test will show if levels are low and how much (if any) is needed.
B12
D3
Fish Oil
Multivitamin
Also, Calms Forte is sold over the counter and is prescribed for stress and sleeplessness.
Hope that helps :0)
It may take a few more months for your son to be ready for school again. I would encourage him to read for enjoyment for now. Anything he enjoys would be good for helping his brain retrain for focusing on letters and words printed on a page. They seem to lose that abillity when they are in the game. Black letters on a white page all in neat little rows just aren't as interesting as the swirling colors in the game. DON'T send him away to college until you are sure that gaming is completely in his past. A couple of years at community college never hurt anyone. If he flunks out, at least you don't lose several thousand dollars.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Progress has been really very encouraging. My son has started his academic activities. He has made new friends and is completely back to routine. He is taking interest in studies and at least expresses desire to succeed. He doesn't like to be referred or comented about past one year and is keen to wipe that off his history of bad patch.
I have given him his iPhone with a condition that no apps or video downloading would be allowed. He shows his handset to me to reconfirm. WiFi is allowed for assignments and within restricted time zone during weekends. Gaming gadgets are not kept in the house itself.
Its wait and watch. Key to recovery I think was constant dialog with my son and making him think logically. He understands Mom can control only up to a certain time and age. He needs to take control of his life to achieve success.
Glad to hear it! I hope things go well this semester.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Great news, Cheers!
Love hearing good news!
My son is 17 in 11th grade. Straight A student. However, has trouble stopping gaming (Minecraft) and games excessively and procrastinates homework when stressed. Also excessive TV watcher. Have locked all laptops and power cord to old desktop along with remotes in digital safe. He has auditory processing disorder and has a laptop for school; also many school assignments require internet. At this point I have to sit and watch him every minute he does homework at home; if I walk away he gets on youtube, reddit, etc. I installed Hoverwatch to monitor when he is at school and he is able to remove it. I am thinking of removing wifi card and ethernet port from a laptop and sending that to school? Any other ideas? It is hard to keep away from internet when it is required for school (ie: computer class programming site). Parental controls for Windows too cumbersome. You can restrict sites but also have to use administrator password to give permission for new school related sites. Help. Also is there a better monitor program than Hoverwatch that is not easily found and uninstalled?
My son refuses to get help or take medication for his anxiety related to school work. Implementation of 504 education modification plan has been slow and hamfisted with the school.
Welcome Gamermom2
I can relate how hard it is to monitor it all when computer use is part of the education process. Here are some suggestions
If you have the finances to do so, I suggest that you get an IT professional involved to set everything up to lock out the undesirable websites so that it is easy for you.
Also I would consider ways you can get him out the house .. including getting a job so that he can socialise in the real world. Make it so that he has to buy good things/clothes/treats himself and earn the money to do so.
Consider changing schools to somewhere that does not need computer ... some of our parents sent kids to wilderness ranches when addiction is extreme.
Keep coming back. There is so much experience on this forum...you just need to dig it out sometimes.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
It has been a year since my home has been gaming free. Access to Wifi/ internet is still restricted to few hours in the evening when I am back home from my office.
My son has shown huge change. He is again the same cheerful person he used to be. He has lot of friends and is taking interest in his studies. Yesterday he mentioned that one of his friend has started talking too much about gaming....he needs to help him by telling about the bad effects! I was so pleased to hear this. Turning him as advocate against gaming!
Given the painful experience, as a family we do not keep high expectations for academic success. Surprisingly he is now very eager to succeed to wipe off the past. IPhone with limited data / net connection is given to chat with friends. No app or video download is still allowed.
Key is to have loads of patience, not yell or say mean things. Loving caring and keeping watch. Making him in charge of his life....wishful and hopeful.
I used to cry a lot during initial few months. But now I am much better and stronger person. Praying for 5/10 minutes everyday also helps to calm down.
For my son, my experience with Therapist or psychologist was waste of time. However after just 2/ 3 sessions, it only made me realize the seriousness of the matter. Reading experiences on this website was most useful.
Thanks again to this website.
Thanks for your fanatastic update and good news.
It's so encouraging to us to hear this!
I hope his and your family's progress continues from strength to strength
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here