Overwhelmed by your child's video gaming addiction ? Get support for you (we need recovery too!)

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Polga
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Overwhelmed by your child's video gaming addiction ? Get support for you (we need recovery too!)

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This thread is for parents of video game addicts, who what to find support. Dealing with our children's video gaming addiction is not easy. On our own, it can feel insurmountable. Get some support and the task is less daunting and we can find our way and make our plan and stick to it.

Please share you experiences about getting support for you.

Here are ways to get support;

Attend the parents meeting (typed chat) in the Olganon chat room Thursday 9pm EST/EDT One of our experienced parent members is there to offer support to attendees  CLICK HERE ABOUT MEETING

Zoom/Googlemeets meetings for loved ones of gaming addicts look at the top of this page https://www.olganon.org/olgarolg-anon-schedule-meetings for the list of meetings.

Get connected with others on this forum; see this thread  http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/getting-connected.

To find people nearer to where you live, use the face to face look up http://www.olganon.org/face-to-face-lookup  page to see people in your country/state that you may want to contact by PM. Tip; go to the end of the list of pages to find people who have checked in to the site most recently and work backwards

Attend an anon group in your local area such as al-anon or nar-anon. Here is a post from a parent who shared their experience of the first meeting     http://www.olganon.org/comment/227658#comment-227658 . You may want to try several groups until you find one that fits you as cultures vary from group to group. There is a caution post here about this issue. These anon groups are based around a 12 step approach that can be helpful for people seeking release from the ingrained sadness of someone elses addiction and find themselves stuck. "Working the steps" is an approach to finding a new life. Here is what some members shared about step 1; http://www.olganon.org/forum/progress-report-olg-anon-members-only/step-one-12-steps-recovery-discussion-steps-and-how-they

Support yourself by looking after you. You cannot help others unless you are well and a whole person. Don't let the sadness of their addiction (which you cannot control) spoil your life. Also by supporting yourself you are being a good role model to your child more information here

If your offspring is now an adult, once you have done all you can to stop enabling them, you can chose to live your life and not ruminate on this problem. It starts with acceptance that we cannot control their addiction and then mentaly making it their responsibility to find their own way. We learn to let go controlling the uncontrollable. Sometimes this can take a long time and a lot of drama and fatigue for loved ones to get to this stage. It can be hard to let go.

If your offspring is a minor child we may be able to have a more pro-active role in treatment and living conditions. But again, once the management plan and framework is in place, we accept we have done all that we can for now, and we can still detach from the worries and "what if's" of the future. Maintaining the distress by allowing ourselves to ruminate this over and over can seriously impact our lives . We can only do so much to help the healing process. Ultimately it is still not in our power to fix them. Stay strong with your plan. Being consistent is key; kids feel safer if they know what the consequences are and what happens is not a surprise. It's when we are inconsistent that they will continually try to make us change our minds because they feel there is hope we will change and it becomes a battle.  Take one day at a time and live in the moment.

Learn about "detaching with love" here:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/detachment-what-means-and-how-do-it

Cherish yourself,  like you would your spouse or child.  Go for a walk, treat yourself, find supportive friendships ....

Check out the wisdom in the link below about what helping (rather than enabling) an addict means and taking care of yourself at the same time:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-friends-and-family-olg-anon-members-only/helping

More about self care in the post under this one.

Professional therapy and counselling. If you have depression or anxiety around your child's addiction  consider therapy for you with a counsellor who understands addiction. This is important because if they do not understand addiction they may try and offer unsuitable suggestions which may confuse the issue.

The sessions need to help you to look after you and look into your feelings about the situation and where they come from and whether they are helpful or not.

Seeing a therapist to provide support to treat your child ( eg parenting techniques) is a different issue to personal therapy, and if required should be considered separately. Personal therapy is about you putting yourself first. Parental coaching is about the child.

Looking after you and changing yourself for the better will alter the dynamic and can only do the whole situation good.

 

Other support organisations

If you are oncerned about their mental health issues (in the US) go to the NAMI website https://www.nami.org/Find-Support

 

Now read on below for some more wisdom ...

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Polga
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Parents with adult children; take care of yourself

The website conductdisorders.com is a great resource for parents dealing with difficult children including addiction. https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/pages/aboutus/

I recently came across this gem of wisdom : "The best thing a mother can do for her children is to show them by word and deed how to take care of themselves, by taking care of herself." Read the post below to put this into context.

The post below sums up so well what we need to do when our adult children chose a different path;

From https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/desperately-seeking-support.63727/page-3#post-712915

"I can relate to your story in that I have five children as well and hoped and dreamed for all of them to find their true potential. When my two began to go down roads that deviated from what was taught, we tried desperately to help them. They didn't want help.
They wanted to do what they wanted to do. Despite what harm it caused themselves, and any of us. Plain and simple.
Our "helping" turned into them taking advantage of us at every chance.
I began to see that after years of chaos and drama. The last straw was after a crazed morning, I found my then 14 year old son on my bed in a fetal position sobbing.
I was so focused on trying to "help" my adult daughter and grandchildren that I didn't see the turmoil it was causing him. I vowed never to go down that road again.
That's when I found CD and began to pour my heart out.
Looking back, my son was raised watching his sisters come and go, each time they lived with us was fraught with drama and tumult. It was exhausting and heart wrenching.
Whether it be narcissism, drug use, mental health issues or a combination, when people show you who they are, believe them.
What my two have shown me is that they will use family ties to walk all over us. They relied on all those feelings you are describing that you are going through, mother love, hopes and dreams, expectations, sorrow and grief. They used those feelings over and again and tread on our hearts every. single.time. It is so hard to go through this, but so not impossible to wake up one day at a time and take small steps towards change.
I don't mean changing them, Lord knows I tried for so many years to get them to recognize destructive ways and see their potential.
That was a huge waste of time and energy.
They will change if and when they want to.
Small steps towards change meant changing my focus and realizing I did the best job I could raising them (yes, mistakes and all) and they were adults making their own choices. I kept trying to rescue them, and what mother wouldn't throw herself into a whirlpool to save her drowning child?
Well that had to change as well.
I began to see that they expected me to stay "in the game" with them,and I had mistakenly thought that was love.
Sometimes love has to stand up and shout No! No, I will not go down this path again. No, I will not sacrifice the peace of my home.
Then I started to think "What if the best thing I could do for them was to step back and say, I love you, but you have got to get it together and that just doesn't happen when you are at home?"
I thought of my Mom and Dad, who would never, ever allow any of us to treat them in such ways.
I began to build a toolbox to help me change my way of dealing with my two, even change my way of feeling. Not that I don't love them, it all got so darn overwhelming that I had to give it to a higher power.
I will leave you with this thought.
The best thing a mother can do for her children is to show them by word and deed how to take care of themselves, by taking care of herself.
I am not writing about being selfish. I am writing about taking time to rest, replenish, nurture your self so that you can flourish to your full potential.
You are a soldier who has been on the frontlines with your two for a very long time. Soldiers have R and R from the battlefield.
Try to find some time for yourself, a hobby, a class, go for walks.
We are not able to change the ways of our beloved D C's, but we can change our way of dealing with the situation.
Peace be with you."

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Gamersmom
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Excellent advice.  Thanks for

Excellent advice.  Thanks for posting it.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

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