Welcome to all new parents of gaming addicts on this forum ! Are you an enabler ?
From my years of reading this forum, I believe the most important and best thing you can do for your videogame addicted** minor or adult child is to stop enabling them. You may think that the word enable is similar to the word to empower. As far as addiction terminiology and 'recovery speak' goes, enable does not mean empower, it means the exact opposite. Enabling creates dependancy and feeds addiction.
The principle of this thread is that "enabling" the addict keeps them in their addiction longer.
We have to stop enabling if we want to stop being a part of fueling their addiction.
Sometimes that is hard because we are programmed to want to "give" to our children.
Many things you might normally do for your child may be enabling them and keeping them in addiction. You need to think hard about what you are doing. As enablers, we kind of loose sight about the right way to go because enabling can consume us and skew our sense of what is right, what is the best thing for their long term future.
Nothing will change unless we change!
What is "enabling"? What are examples of enabling? Who are the enablers? Find out more from the thread on the member only forum, link below.
Signed-up olganon members (it's free to sign up) can read and contribute to our thread about enabling on the members only parents forum ... it's in the blue sticky post area at the top. http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-what-we-need-stop-doing-really-help
We put some of our advice and experience on the members only forum so it is in a safe place away from critical eyes of people who do not understand our situation.
Here are some of the things shared on the thread:
A member shares how they were prepared to risk the short term relationship with the gaming addict in return for long term gains for her son
A member shares what it feels like to be called "an enabler"
A member recognises the many ways how they enabled their adult son
What a member would have done, in hindsight....
"Let me fall by myself"; a plea from an addict to let them find their own way by not interfering with the natural course of events
Reasons to avoid negative emotional reactions to their behaviour
Its "easier" to keep enabling
A parent realises " I am in no postion to help" her video game addict son
Link to resource to confront the addict or enabler
Addicts talk about the role of suffering and a getting a big shock for them to feel need to seek recovery
A list of things that would be enabling the addict
Enabling: the Addiction of the Codependent
Link to an article that discusses enabling and an adult "failing to launch" staying dependant on parents.
When parents live apart, the gaming addicted kids will chose to live with enablers
A story about enabling
How members stopped enabling and set boundaries
How parents stopping enabling was the turning point of recovery for a gamer
A member's husband is feeding son's addiction by enabling; links to several member experiences
Blog article about the toll of enabling on the enabler and the addict
Tough love; a member spells out what that means when dealing with an adult video game addict son or daughter
Link to another parent forum regarding parents enabling bad behaviours
**If our repeated attempts of trying to get our kids to moderate video gaming responsibly fails, it may be because they are addicted. In this situation moderation will not work and gaming will always make their lives unbalanced and make everything else seen dull. Emotional development will be arrested as they will no longer want to do these normal activities which are so important to develop emotional maturity and resilience. On this forum we believe parents are entitled to remove games from the home if moderation does not work. This website can help you plan your strategy for change.