.... they want their kids to find recovery.
Welcome to all new parents of gaming addicts on this forum ! You may be here because your daughter or son's gaming is a big problem which can no longer be ignored.
Are you an enabler ? Please give it some thought. (HINT: it's very likely that you are) It could save your child's life. I mean this literally and also in the sense that the best years of their life are wasted and their personhood - their potential to be a fully rounded and productive human being with a good sense of self, withers away. And some people do die directly as a result of video game addiction.
From my years of reading this forum, I truely believe the most important and best thing you can do for your videogame addicted**(see what is addiction at the end of this post) minor or adult child is to stop enabling them. You may think that the word enable is similar to the word to empower. As far as addiction terminiology and 'recovery speak' goes, enable does not mean empower, it means the exact opposite.
Enabling creates dependancy and feeds addiction.
The principle of this thread is that "enabling" the addict keeps them in their addiction longer.
We have to stop enabling if we want to stop being a part of fueling their addiction.
Sometimes that is hard because we are programmed to want to "give" to our children. Developing self awareness is key.
Many things you might normally do for your child may be enabling them and keeping them in addiction. You need to think hard about what you are doing. As enablers, we kind of loose sight about the right way to go because enabling can consume us and skew our sense of what is right, what is the best thing for their long term future.
Nothing will change unless we change!
What is "enabling"? What are examples of enabling? Who are the enablers? Find out more from the thread on the member only forum, link below.
Signed-up olganon members (it's free to sign up) can read and contribute to our thread about enabling on the members only parents forum ... it's in the blue sticky post area at the top. http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-what-we-need-stop-doing-really-help
We put some of our advice and experience on the members only forum so it is in a safe place away from critical eyes of people who do not understand our situation.
Here are some of the things shared on the thread:
- A member shares how they were prepared to risk the short term relationship with the gaming addict in return for long term gains for her son
- A member shares what it feels like to be called "an enabler"
- A member recognises the many ways how they enabled their adult son
- What a member would have done, in hindsight....
- "Let me fall by myself"; a plea from an addict to let them find their own way by not interfering with the natural course of events
- Reasons to avoid negative emotional reactions to their behaviour
- Its "easier" to keep enabling
- A parent realises " I am in no postion to help" her video game addict son
- Link to resource to confront the addict or enabler
- Addicts talk about the role of suffering and a getting a big shock for them to feel need to seek recovery
- A list of things that would be enabling the addict
- Enabling: the Addiction of the Codependent
- Link to an article that discusses enabling and an adult "failing to launch" staying dependant on parents.
- When parents live apart, the gaming addicted kids will chose to live with enablers
- A story about enabling
- How members stopped enabling and set boundaries
- How parents stopping enabling was the turning point of recovery for a gamer
- A member's husband is feeding son's addiction by enabling; links to several member experiences
- Blog article about the toll of enabling on the enabler and the addict
- Tough love; a member spells out what that means when dealing with an adult video game addict son or daughter
- Link to another parent forum regarding parents enabling bad behaviours
- Failure to Launch; a parent's role in this phenomenon of young adults being unable to deal with real life
- About breaking the cycle of dependancy
- How families can deal with addiction
- It's hard learning to detach
** WHAT IS ADDICTION ?? This question is an academic debate but we won't bore you with that. Here is a practical way of looking at it: If our repeated attempts of trying to get our kids to moderate video gaming responsibly fails, it may be because they are addicted. In this situation moderation will not work and gaming will always make their lives unbalanced and make everything else seen dull. Emotional development will be arrested as they will no longer want to do these normal activities which are so important to develop emotional maturity and resilience. Someone on this forum once said that an addict cannot moderate AND be happy. They have to have their game as much as they want or not have the game at all, to be able to be happy. On this forum we believe parents are entitled to remove games, and devices including mobile phones from the home if moderation does not work, even if the device belongs to theor child. Your house, your rules. They have the option to leave if they don't like your rules. Perhaps its time for you to stop adjusting to their demands. This website can help you plan your strategy for change.