Welcome to all new parents of gaming addicts on this forum !
Are you an enabler ?
From my years of reading this forum, I truely believe the most important and best thing you can do for your videogame addicted**(see what is addiction at the end of this post) minor or adult child is to stop enabling them. You may think that the word enable is similar to the word to empower. As far as addiction terminiology and 'recovery speak' goes, enable does not mean empower, it means the exact opposite.
Enabling creates dependancy and feeds addiction.
The principle of this thread is that "enabling" the addict keeps them in their addiction longer.
We have to stop enabling if we want to stop being a part of fueling their addiction.
Sometimes that is hard because we are programmed to want to "give" to our children.
Many things you might normally do for your child may be enabling them and keeping them in addiction. You need to think hard about what you are doing. As enablers, we kind of loose sight about the right way to go because enabling can consume us and skew our sense of what is right, what is the best thing for their long term future.
Nothing will change unless we change!
What is "enabling"? What are examples of enabling? Who are the enablers? Find out more from the thread on the member only forum, link below.
Signed-up olganon members (it's free to sign up) can read and contribute to our thread about enabling on the members only parents forum ... it's in the blue sticky post area at the top. http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-what-we-need-stop-doing-really-help
We put some of our advice and experience on the members only forum so it is in a safe place away from critical eyes of people who do not understand our situation.
Here are some of the things shared on the thread:
A member shares how they were prepared to risk the short term relationship with the gaming addict in return for long term gains for her son
A member shares what it feels like to be called "an enabler"
A member recognises the many ways how they enabled their adult son
What a member would have done, in hindsight....
"Let me fall by myself"; a plea from an addict to let them find their own way by not interfering with the natural course of events
Reasons to avoid negative emotional reactions to their behaviour
Its "easier" to keep enabling
A parent realises " I am in no postion to help" her video game addict son
Link to resource to confront the addict or enabler
Addicts talk about the role of suffering and a getting a big shock for them to feel need to seek recovery
A list of things that would be enabling the addict
Enabling: the Addiction of the Codependent
Link to an article that discusses enabling and an adult "failing to launch" staying dependant on parents.
When parents live apart, the gaming addicted kids will chose to live with enablers
A story about enabling
How members stopped enabling and set boundaries
How parents stopping enabling was the turning point of recovery for a gamer
A member's husband is feeding son's addiction by enabling; links to several member experiences
Blog article about the toll of enabling on the enabler and the addict
Tough love; a member spells out what that means when dealing with an adult video game addict son or daughter
Link to another parent forum regarding parents enabling bad behaviours
** WHAT IS ADDICTION ?? If our repeated attempts of trying to get our kids to moderate video gaming responsibly fails, it may be because they are addicted. In this situation moderation will not work and gaming will always make their lives unbalanced and make everything else seen dull. Emotional development will be arrested as they will no longer want to do these normal activities which are so important to develop emotional maturity and resilience. On this forum we believe parents are entitled to remove games from the home if moderation does not work. This website can help you plan your strategy for change.
INFO
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Spouses/SO's of addicts click here
Parents of addicts click here for advice
Help for video game addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
"In the last few months two separate sets of parents have asked me what to do with 20-something unemployed sons who play video games all day and through most of the night. Those two sons represent thousands of young “men” who are wasting valuable years of their lives playing electronic games that have no redeeming value and pose a real hazard to their emotional and social health.
Before any evaluation of your son can yield a reliable picture of his mental health, the video games have to go. To accomplish that, you have to recognize that you are part of the problem. You’ve become enablers."
Read more here:
https://www.arcamax.com/homeandleisure/parents/johnrosemond/s-1505217
INFO
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Spouses/SO's of addicts click here
Parents of addicts click here for advice
Help for video game addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
A challenging read for all enablers of game addicted children
See:
https://eu.rgj.com/story/life/2017/09/05/rosemond-no-not-all-things-good-moderation/633801001/
from the article :
"The mother of a 25-year-old man-child who fits the above description recently asked if there are “resources for parents” who are dealing with adult video game addicts. I have figured out that in this context the word “resources” is a euphemism for “stuff we can read or meetings we can attend to convince ourselves that we’re doing something when we have no real intention of doing anything but complaining endlessly to anyone who will listen.” When I suggest the “resource” of involuntary emancipation, these parents come up with one excuse after another, demonstrating that where there is an addict, there is often an enabler or enablers."
INFO
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Spouses/SO's of addicts click here
Parents of addicts click here for advice
Help for video game addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
The thing is anything called addiction is not good at all. We should consider that if we let kids play a lots games or approach games with inappropriate contents, it will cause serious problems. And, parents are the one who control it.
I did enable the screens for my kids, but I've started to be aware of the problem and I limit screen time for my kids now.
The older one is 11, and he owns his PC. He was playing during the week, but since we've noticed bad results in school, we forbid any playing on the PC except for the weekend days. He is allowed 2–3 hours max on a PC per weekend day after he is done with homework and learning and after being outside with his friends for a couple of hours. Luckily he likes to go out. He owns his smartphone too. I limit the smartphone use through an app to 1h per weekday, 2 hours on a weekend's days.
The younger one is 6, and she likes to watch youtube videos, mostly some educational /entertaining ones in her mothers' language. So in a way, it's a good activity because she has learned the language. On the other hand, she is watching too much of it. I have to limit the screen time for her also.