Well, this is my third post and I seem to have ended up where I started, on the verge of divorce. I left my husband a five weeks ago to stay with my family after confronting him about his computer addiction. We had a rough time, but he agreed to go to counseling and set up some boundaries for his computer usage. Counseling was good, but there were mood swings and bumps in the road. I wanted things to heal, but knew that it was going to be a process that would take time. Each week things got better, but I saught out guidance from old friends on Facebook when things were challenging. Last week, was the best week we had had and I truely thought we were on the road to recovery. Today, my husband came home mad and I figured he was having a bad day. When I pressed him, he started a conversation about how I didn't love him, how I wasn't honest with him, he couldn't trust me and how he didn't feel close to me. He also said he didn't want to live his life under a microscope. I was shocked! Everything was great the previous evening. I went to dinner and when I returned, he told me he wanted a divorce. He then admitted that he had been logging into my Facebook page and reading all my messages since I had left five weeks ago. He said he couldn't believe I would talk to my friends over him. And that since everything was negative, there was no sense in us staying together. I wanted to be mad that he had invaded my privacy, but I was hurt and sad as well. I didn't lie about anything, but went to friends to vent and share some of my fears.
I know I have to give up control...I know I can't force him to stay. I'm scared though. I am the mother of 2 year old twins with no job because I stayed home to raise the boys and I still love my husband. He's asleep upstairs while I sit awake typing and crying. What does that tell you? Where do you go from here?
I know there really isn't too much advice to give. i'm just sad and it's late, so I don't know where else to go. I am so inspired by the stories I read here about healing and I thought maybe, my marriage would be one of those. That my husband would realize what he was missing and maybe accept his responsibility in this problem. However, the fact that he read my emails and then wants a divorce because I expressed feelings and fears to friends that I wasn't ready to express to him, makes me realize he is still blaming me. He wants to file for divorce, but then wants to stay in the house during the 60 day separation trial, but I don't know if that is a good idea. Part of me believes that if he wants a divorce, he should move out so he can live life alone. but finances being what they are... Again, I'm just scared! He's all I've known since my sophmore year of college. I don't know life without him. We've been together for 15 years.
Thanks for letting me vent! Perhaps I can get a little sleep now.