15 Year Veteran Gamer Widow

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JadeDove
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15 Year Veteran Gamer Widow

I am a 15 year Veteran Gamer Widow.

As far back as in 1999- My husband developed video game Addictions. He started playing a Game called "Road Rash" on his Sega Genisis system during my pregnancy with our oldest son and then he moved up to PC games- Sony Playstation Games and so forth and so on.

I once had a two year streak where I temporarily managed to keep the gaming plug pulled on him- however- 2 years wothr of Withdrawls managed to get the better of him. He was verbally abusive towards me and my children, would throw tantrums over having to live up to his Fatherly duties with the kids and more.

Come December 17th of 2013- That changed- quick- fast- in a hurry and in HIS favor via Manipulation:

My husband managed to find a way to return to HIS gaming addiction by making good and sure that he usurped my efforts in trying to re-unite our family ( AKA- he was severely miffed that I password encoded my Desk Top PC so he could no longer game) and bought himself a Samsung Tablet and all on the same day that I went and got my cellular phone upgrade.

My Game addicted husband has not only returned to his Gaming Addiction, but he has also taken in 2 very specific Games:

A Facebook Game Called "Candy Crush" and another OLG Known as "Clash Of Clans".

My Husband's addiction of choice is that of "Clash Of Clans" or in Addict Speak: " C.O.C"

In carrying forward:

For about 13 of said 15 years now, I have long since stopped doing everything that had been expected of me by him (Servitude) aka- I stopped cooking his meals, I stopped doing his laundry, I stopped cleaning his messes and so forth and so on and I began to make it a point to virtually ignore his presence after he started exiling himself to another room so he could both game and sleep and then game before he goes to work.

My husband's Addiction, Attitude and his own form of Exile have ALL- become HIS own undoing and for reasoning that my children and I now live our lives for ourselves and carry on in our own daily hobbies, habbits and routines with out the Addict.

There is one draw back to following this path for ourselves though:

Another unknown trait that addicts carry (Mark and Note) is that Game Addicts start scapegoating Non Addicts when confronted with their Addictions and a good example of such would be this:

My kids like to play on the floor, watch their favorite shows on TV or in my 14 year old's case- Listen to music in his room, watch You Tube on his own tablet or other. When everyone- including my Game Addicted Husband goes to be bed- I stay up for a little while- take some Me Time and watch my favorite shows on TV until I tire.

My Game Addicted Husband believes he can use ALL of OUR hobbies and routines against us as a means of Justifying HIS Addiction and he does so by calling us names like "TV Addict" "Couch Potato Addict" "Don't Go Anywhere or Don't Do Anything Addict".

We just laugh at him every time he does and for reasoning that not only has HIS brain been "Hardwired" to HIS Clash Of Clans Game, but that he is seriously above and beyond having lost touch with Reality thanks to- the Clash Of Clans game.

So in turn:

I have a plan albeit's not a very pleasnt one: 4 years from now- my oldest son will be graduating High School and 12 years from now, my youngest will follow suit. When my youngest graduates and moves forward with his own life and both kids see a promising new world in Adulthood, I will have complete my mission as a mother and to boot- I too will be moving out and leaving my Game Addicted husband in hopes of making life better for myself and who knows- I may also find a better relationship with someone else and as long as said someone else doesn't have ANY addictions what so ever.

Not only have long since stopped supporting and serving my game addicted husband, but I have also come to the conclusion that Hard-Core- Willfull Game Worshippers like my husband are above and beyond help of any kind and from a not so pleasant point of view here- in dire need of just being hit below the belt with losing everything just as a would a drug addict, alcoholic or other addict does and will when people they've devalidated, disrespected and have just full on forsaken- up and leave their lives.

I've long since been done, I'm beyond tired and even though riding it out for 12 more years sounds ridiculous to some- I would rather not have to live in a run down women's shelter with 2 children nor would I wish any trama for my kids before they have a chance to finish their education and for forward with their own adult lives.

Been there and done that with own my parents and such is another story for another time.

widowgamer
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Hi JadeDove, Welcome to

Hi JadeDove,

Welcome to Olga.

I can totally understand your wanting to ride it out until your children finish school and begin their journey into adulthood, because I too and in that same boat. My middle son graduates in 2015 and my youngest is just begining his journey into high school so we have 4 years. I often sit back and think can I do this for another 4 years? or would it be better to take my boys and leave. I don't want to disrupt my sons last year of school he is doing so well straight A student and has also been dual nerolled at college to complete his first 2 years. Some days are more bearable than others and on those days where it is hard I often think it would be easier to just pack up and leave, but then I also remember the saying the grass isn't always greener.

I can relate to your gamer calling you all tv addicts...my gamer does the same thing, when confronted with the gaming addiction. He tells us that gaming to him is like watching tv to us, only difference is we can leave our tv shows, he can't leave his gaming....

widowgamer

Polga
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Welcome to Olg-anon

Welcome to Olg-anon JadeDove

Thanks for sharing your story. You sound like you are a very strong woman and a great Mom. Best wishes to you. xx

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JadeDove
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Thank you to everyone for

Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome.I am glad to see that I am not the only one who does what they can to live a real and proper life and it is good to know also that I'm not the only woman who rises above being thrown under buses by Game Addicts for living in true fashion.In having thought about it- I should have given a little more of a history behind my own personal life however I know that being an adult child of divorced parents (for 32 long years)- a former foster child thanks to said divorced parents and more- is quite the long story however from 2002 until now the story becomes more harrowing as it follows a line of multiple surgeries and not pleasant reproductive issues involved as well.My most recent surgery was a Hysterectomy at the of February 2013 and thanks to an Unruly case of AUB- Fibroids and Dysplasia. 2 years (Husband's Unplugged Time) of suffering and nothing but comtempt for my presence coming from a Game Addict going through Withdrawls.Less than 1 year into my recovery- He decides to go back to hi Addiction and in the name of making absolutely sure that HE shirks HIS duties as a husband and father.As I sympathize with you in all that you endure as well- I can honestly say that not only have I gone through enough before my children were old enough, but I believe in my heart that my Children shouldn't have to endure the kind of childhood that I did even though I know that at least -I- would always be around for them no matter what.My 14 year old son- bless his heart- Is an A and B student and is entering into his Freshman Year of High School. He is brilliant young man and has a great future ahead of him. My 6 year old son had gotten off to a very slow start and I have had to work relentlessly to catch him up just far enough to start school this Autumn.With a house full of males- trying to be both a Woman and a Mother- can be very trying- but from my own perspective- I see myself as needing to raise only 2 children- NOT 3. For the 15 years I've been with my husband and the 14 years that we've been married, I have come to the conclusion- based on observance- that- my husband married- had kids- moved up in job status (to later be demoted) and did all that he did as a means of feeding a far deeper Adiction- Self Absorption and all because his own childhood and the pressure from his family to do what they told him and produce an obscene number of grandchildren to boot- more than weighed him down where he should've listened to ME about standing his grounds.My own work in such regards may have created a monster though. He kisses their bums and stands his grounds with me instead and (When we cut through the psycological fat so to speak) he makes it a point to say "Fathers Don't Mother and Husbands Aren't Wives" Which when you spin it around is Addict Speak for "Fathers Don't Father and Husbands Don't Have To Be Husbands to Wives".I wonder just how well or not so- that he will rethink that very position 12 years from now when the kids are graduated and moved into adulthood and I wonder also whether or not he will be reconsidering the fact that YES- we all can and will keep on- despising and loathing his BAD habits and that YES he WILL- Lose Everyone and Everying that HE pretended to Love- Honor and Cherish and for reasoning that Karma Has always- Does Now and Will Always Exist and that any and all wrong choices in life warrant either its wrath or its reward.I have my doubts every now and then- too that I will hang on in full for the next 12 years, but knowing that my 2 boys love me very much and think more of their mother than they would what my 14 year old calls "A Game Addicted Sp**m Donor" and it helps me to know too that they are grateful for my being here for them and doing all that I do as their mother. Believe me when I say that every now and then they say they wish that they had a REAL Dad not only does it break my heart, but reminds me of how I quietly and desperately wish the same for them as well.So in turn- I guess every time the Addict scapegoats, falsely accuses us all of insane things and just goes all out to tork us off every now and then too- will just be further ammunition to keep living our lives without him until he either changes his BAD ways and gets rid of HIS- BAD habits or loses us all 12 years from now.The ball is in his court but should he ignore it for too long- he will have to live with HIS loss.

JadeDove
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Please forgive the mass

Please forgive the mass notation there. It didn't seem to want to make the changes with spacing as I was trying to get the post- posted.

cdgoldilocks
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JadeDove, I could swear I

JadeDove,

I could swear I might have typed this myself. In fact, I HAVE pretty much typed this myself!!

My kids are 18 and 10. My oldest graduated this year (one down!) and my youngest is going in to 6th grade this year.

There are some, even on this website, who read spouses posts and will literally ask "why are you staying?" I even blogged about it once. When a spouse like us has kids, it isn't so simple to simply leave. Now, if my gamer were physically abusive, or something BLATANT, I would, but he isn't. He is simply a selfish douchebag. Gamer DOES have an occasional nice moment, which I DO POINT OUT TO MY KIDS. (kind of like ooooohhhh a rainbow) Our kids would have to be dealing with their parents splitting up, sharing two households, dealing with the stress of maybe switching schools, not having an emotionally available parent when they are at the actively gaming parent's home.

Additionally, if I left my gamer, he would be EXTRA asshole-y. He would make things REALLY bad for our kids. He would tell them how *I* was breaking up our family. Not "HIS" gaming, nope, but MY CRAZY, selfish leaving him.

So, I am with you on the staying until they are of age. At least until it became more beneficial to go.

You are so not alone.

JadeDove
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cdgoldilocksMy Gamer Husband

cdgoldilocksMy Gamer Husband says that same thing to my kids now:"Your mother has issues. She is the mental one. She is the senile one and MOM IS THE ADDICT! Having a Life is a Sin and SHE is supposed to SERVE US! We're Males and WE need to be waited on HAND AND FOOT! MOM is the TROUBLEMARKER HER AND MOM - IS THE ADDICT!"And that's when one cuts through the "Game Addict Speak".My kids know their Game Addicted father is senile and full of it and they are also aware of the fact that their Father's brain has been "Hardwired" because of HIS- Clash Of Clans Gaming Addiction.I have made it a point to educate my 14 year old son on the dangers of gaming addiction and every time my Game Addicted husband tries to accuse me of being "'un" "The Addict Of The family"- I simply pull up the Wiki-Pages on Gaming Addiction- Computer Widow and several others and when the Addict fails to acknowledge the TRUTHS- and he continues to Lay HIS- addiction down on me I now say:"Yeah- that's right! I have more of a life than you do- oh wait- Addicts don't have lives. Jealous much?"And he shuts up.I use a lot of documented truth as well as a serious over-abundance of reverse psychology too.It keeps our Addict silent for just long enough for him to go into his Gamer Room as a means of devalidating himself sos' we don't have to.You would be surprised at how far you can take a gamer's denial- turn it around on them and then use such an unbreakably strong form of reverse psychology back at them.I'm supported by my kids and my friends which is why I boldly come right out with my story.I fear no one- I fear nothing and my Game addicted husband and his game addicted friends are no one to fear either.That's how a Gamer Widow REALLY needs to be from my own opinion and yes- when you have cheedles to look after- raise and see through school- your life and theirs are more important whether the Game Addicts believe so or NOT!.Fear them NOT Hun- they can't do anything as long as YOU are living your life while Documenting THEIRS.

JadeDove
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In just the last 6 years

In just the last 6 years alone- I have learned how to translate "Game Addict Speak" plus I have had more than enough experience with studying psychologists (not psychology- yes- psychologists) to know how to interpret AND use- Reverse Psychology hehehe.And my husband thought I was just some dumb broad who would fall for his BS and just live with it.NOT!!!

JadeDove
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I also suggest that Gamer

I also suggest that Gamer Widows make it a point to Document the days- dates- times and number of hours that their Addicts spend staying Addicted to Games. I keep a nice little log of Our Game Addict's Activities in the "Notes" Section on MY Cellular Phone. It will help when it comes time to leave and according to several of my Off-Line friends- has worked in several cases of Divorce regarding alienation of affection, spousal neglect and now- Gamer Addiction Divorce cases. Thank Goodness for friends in the Legal Profession also!

JadeDove
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I would also advise that

I would also advise that ladies make another note and for reasoning that Clash Of Clans is rapidly reaching 2nd place among Game Addicts and for reasoning that it carries a lot of the same attributes as World Of Warcraft and other would be games set in certain time periods and consist of raiding- stealing- castle building- plus- unlike WoW- COC- has NO END. It can be played for hours.

Such is why Our Game Addict has chosen it. Just wanted to throw that warning out there.

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