Hello, my name is Karson and I, myself, have identified my issues with online games (Final Fantasy IX [FFXI]). However, the girl I love, has not. I will give the 'saga', as I like to call it, in order to give better insight into what is going on and how important this girl is to me.
I have know her for near 7 years, since she was 14 (she's now 20, I am 23). We went to school together, and she was a very outgoing, and while it got her into some trouble, a party girl so to speak. Her relationships always tanked and I was always there for her. I joined the Navy out of High School and was wisked off without really so much as a goodbye. I would come back on my leave (once a year) to see how she was fairing, and I always kept my love for her in the back of my mind fearing that if revealed, we might have an experience that took away even the friendship that was there. I called it right, but never could have known to what extent.
We finally got together and the most natural terms I have ever seen in a relationship during Christmas of 2004. For a year and a half we had our share of relationship issues pertaining to MY addiction to the game (I had even gotten her into FFXI myself), and during April of 2005 I grew increasingly paranoid of the time she had spent with a particular young man on said game. I kicked her out telling her to go to her parents, thinking in the back of my mind that surely she would realize what she had done wrong. It became readily apparent that I myself had been at more fault then I gave notice too and preceded to do everything in my power to reconnect to her. It was to no avail as I found out, through online sources, that she was planning to move to Michigan with this person she had met online. She had never met him before and I was greatly concerned. She left anyway. I learned that she felt she was happy and tried my best to live up to the phrase: If you love them let them go.
I returned midway through a deployment as my time in service was up, and moved away from the city, back to the town I lived in prior to ever meeting her, figuring largely that, where there were no memories of her, I could live in semi-normal comfort. Nearing the end of October she called me, and told me that she had made a grave mistake in being with this person. Beginning of November we came together again and things were wonderful up until the beginning of January. She had began to strive, constantly, for a Linkshell (FFXI's equal to Guilds)involved in 'end-game' activities and I was greatly worried about her personally connection to people she had met on said Linkshell. In the span of two days she had Windower (a program to allow FFXI to be windowed for Ventrilo) and Ventrilo (a program that allows Teamspeak). I confronted her many a time about how out of hand I saw it, and many a time I was punished with the phrase: Why are you making such a big deal out of this? After every single argument, I was in tears and she was on the game chatting away. She went so far as to ask me if she could have an in-game boyfriend, which I promptly shot down and was immediately retorted with: It's just a game Karson, I'm with YOU in real-life. While she did not go through with this in-game boyfriend, she did make it clear that she did not understand my motives in getting upset. I decided to ask two people I knew that were husband and wife in real-life, if they would have problems if one or the other mentioned wanting an in-game other, just to be certain I wasn't just being stupid. They replied that they would, indeed, have a problem with it. When I brought it to her, she said: There's a difference, their married. I found out that if we had been married she never would have wanted a relationship in-game, but since we weren't, it was apparently, okay.
This brewed very large amounts of concern and anger from me. I am the kind that sees a serious relationship and a marriage as nothing different but a legal statement. If I am commited to a person 100%, there is no: Because we're not married... excuses. She on the other hand, felt that since she wasn't married to me, she shouldn't feel bound by anything. That night, she woke up from her napping, wouldn't acknowledge me at all, and went to the computer to chat online with several people. She then pulled me into the bedroom and told me: I don't love you. The heartbreak heard round the world....
She left, literally, the same day, and despite me asking for possible counceling she looked at me like I was insane. She told me just two days ago, that she no longer wants me in her life and she wants me to leave her and her online boyfriend alone. This particular online boyfriend is someone with a girlfriend and a son in real-life, and having known him in-game as a friend, he told me that in-game, he didn't care, but if she tried taking it outside the game, she would find herself emotionally hurt, as he would not have any part of that.
The problem here is that I love her so much and have tried everything I could think of to get her to see what she's doing to her life, all in the name of some internet fantasy. I believe she is far too personally involved in this game. She had everything when she was here with me, she was going to get her GED, she had a good job, she had, well....me. I've loved, cared, and been there for her for 7 years. I was, she even acknowledges this, her last real-life friend. She now has 0 friends outside this game and told me she doesn't WANT to meet new people.
I apologize for the length of this topic, but I feel this background is greatly needed to garner true assistance, as I feel there may be much, much more I am missing. I made many dire errors, which I see, and she is more then willing to throw them into my face as reasons for her not loving me. I have come to grips with all of her mistakes, and I am steadily grasping my own (I still occationally drop into tears).
I am at the end of my rope. My protective nature towards her is what keeps me from cutting any line she's connected too. I have not talked to her for 2 days and have since temporarily quit FFXI in my own right as it just is not fun being on the same game as her, knowing what she's doing. Everyone else has abandoned the girl, and she herself has let it happen. I just cannot bring myself to abandon her. I want to be there when she turns around and sees it all for what it is. She needs off this game, horribly so, even if she doesn't get back together with me. Please, any help and assistance is much, and greatly, appreciated.