My husband and I have been together for ten years. In 2008 he decided to try playing WoW. No big deal since he enjoyed video games and there was never a real problem with addiction to games before that. Ha I was wrong. At first he played a normal recreational amount. He would still do other things happily with the kids and I. He would sometimes have a raid planned with his guildies but that was no problem. I played some free online games too so no biggy. We played at night to relax.
In the early summer of 2008 we made an out of state move. The jobs my husband had lined up fell through and he ended up unemployed for several months. This is when everything got out of hand. He played 24-7, getting a couple hours of sleep. He would sit at the table and play, eat, and smoke. He would only stop to go to the bathroom. I got a bit concerned with some in game relationships he was building. My husband asked me to play several times and I finally did just so I could be a part of his world and see what was going on. I like the game and enjoy playing but I can walk away from it. I have played on and off since then but I can let my account go dormant for MONTHS with out thinking about it. During this time my husband had ZERO motivation to look for work. I was working a part time job from home to put food on the table, homeschooling the kids and keeping house. His mother was paying our bills. I literally would go online and apply for jobs for him. His mother and I had to make sure he took a few minutes to apply for a job each day. Going for an interview KILLED him.
So now my husband is working again. His job has odd hours and does not pay enough to cover all our bills. My husband's day goes like this. We sleep late until 9am (he sometimes sleeps until 10:30). He gets up and grabs his coffee and heads for the game. I give him breakfast which he eats while playing most of the time. He stops the game to go to do his potty business and shower and leaves out the door for work. He often will talk about the game with a co-worker who he plays with. He will call and tell me he spoke to a guildy from the realm I was on with him. He comes home and grabs the dinner I have waiting for him or a snack and gets right on the game. If we are going to have marital time he will come in and do that and then it is right back to the game until 4am. Even when he was very sick in the hospital he wanted his computer so he could play.On his days off he does the same thing only the play is not interupted by work. If I ask him to go out and do something with us or mow the lawn for me (I don't know how, never have done it) he throws a tantrum.
Life is just passing him by and as a consequence I am letting it pass my children and I by too. I am so fed up. I mentioned a couple nights ago that maybe he might want to look at some resources about gaming addiction. I asked why he keeps playing because he does not seem to even enjoy it anymore. Now he just grinds out level 80 after level 80 and compplains about other players. He got defensive.
I am so sick of this game. It is ruining my family. It has taken my husband from me. I get so angry and just want the addiction to end. But since he obviously does not know it is an addiction it is not going to end. I do not want my marriage and family to be broken up by this. I have got to find a way to get my husband back, the one I married not this boring, lazy game addicted guy. That is not who I married. Marriage counseling is not an option, we can not afford it.
I think I need to write him a letter because he listens to me when I write. I am much better at expressing myself on paper than in real words. But I just think this will all blow up in my face so I am scared to do it. But I also can not go on being bitter and so depressed. Since my husband is not participating in family life I need to pull myself out of the funk and depression and lead my family I guess.
Sigh..............
I'm in the exact same boat as you are. I even went as far as to move out for over 9months and disrupt my kids lives in the process. He begged, pleaded and swore he'd never get on the game again. He cried, would show up at my apt. ......you name it. I was home only about a month before he started again. I've been home for over 3 years now and he's as bad as ever. I'm not sure what level he is on, but it has to be high since he does this more than work or sleep. The other day someone hacked his account and apparently did something that caused him to be banned from the game. I silently chuckled for a minute know he'd find another way to get back. I came home today and there he sat on a "free game" version. I'm sure it doesn't give you full access, but again....it won't be long. I tell you all of this so you know you aren't alone. Just about everything you have written above is true in my life as well. My oldest graduates from High School this week which makes his dad very sad. I want to scream..."Wake Up....It passed you by while you were on the computer for the majority of your son's life."
Good luck!!! I hope your husband wakes up soon.!
Thank you both for sharing. I am a recovering gamer, and reading posts like yours helps to remind me why I quit WoW.
Some thoughts I get from reading your posts:
1) A Security Concern: When an account gets hacked it is usually because the account owner is trying to cheat the game by spending real money on in game gold. Basically the unscrupulous web-site from which he thinks he is going to be able to buy gold loads a Trojan worm/key logger on your computer and steals the account information. Of course this malware could also get your other passwords as well. I would make sure your virus protection is up-to-date and scan your machine!
If your budget is tight, I would recommend asking him if he is indeed spending real money on fake in game gold and cheating the game.
2) Remember that his addiction is not your fault.
3) Enjoy your lives with your family and take lots of pictures. Put those pictures around the home where he can see the happy family without him. My wife did this to me, and I felt a lot of pain thinking about all the things that I was missing out on.
4) Try to get them to www.wowdetox.com. This is the site that helped me to realize that I had a gaming problem. It is tens of thousands of anonymous posts by people who are struggling with addiction, and many of them will be just like your husband. Sadly, a lot of these posters have already lost their families, jobs and health. This is a very scary site for a gaming addict to visit.
5) Stop enabling his gaming. Don't make his meals, nor wash his clothes. Don't pay his internet nor gaming bill.
Well, those are my thoughts/suggestions. I wish you both well. You deserve to be happy. Your families deserves to be happy. Their addiction is not your fault.
Charlie
WoW free since December 28, 2009
Welcome to OLGA. As I'm sure you've noticed from looking around our site, you sure aren't alone. Charlie has given you some very good suggestions and I'm not sure I have a lot to add. Remember that just because your husband's life is being ruined by gaming addiction, it doesn't require that your life be ruined... and it especially doesn't require that your children's lives be ruined. I know it feels like a horrible unfairness to have to be a single mom while married, but your children deserve a happier childhood than your husband would provide for them.
If you create a life for yourself that you'd like to live, then whatever happens with your husband, you WILL be living a good life. He never was going to be the source of your happiness and contentment, no matter what he did. Those of us who deal with family addicts know that, on some level, we must detach with love. We can still love and care for "our" addict, but we also have to reach the understanding that we aren't really going to affect the course of the addiction (much). Your responsibilities are to your children, yourself, and then... much farther down the list... your husband. Look at it this way: you aren't on his priority list at all, why should he be on yours? Especially in first place?
It isn't easy to live a happy and fulfilled life while yoked to an addict, but you can take pleasure and joy in the small things. Start with making some good memories for your kids, by taking care of yourself, and try to "let go" of your husband's behavior and the belief that you can affect it.
Jane in CT
Same situation here! At least i'm not alone.
I just had a really hard time understanding it. My husband wilingly passes up real life for this fantasy world. I can't help but feeling like it's my fault...like he's not happy with me and thats why he plays. Our relationship has gotton to points where our 'Marital time" has been non-existance for a month at a time. I work early so i go to bed a reasonable hour but he's just GOT to finish this level, find a save spot, or do whatever, I used to wait up for him but it always leaves me dissapionted because he'll be at it for hours even he says he'll be right in. It's not always that bad but he cycles in and out. I don't really have any advice, I'm still trying to figure out what to do myself but just wanted to let you know others share your pain!