We are both officially seeing the same counselor who specializes in internet addiction. He went once and he gave his side of the story. . . then I went once with my journal and the logged hours over the last month and a half. She said there is no secret formula that can determine whether or not its an addiction- but his reality about how much he plays as compared to the log that I kept made it pretty clear that he had some serious denial.
So at the appoinment we attended together, I confronted him with the journal of hours. Of course, he tried to argue, but she pointed out that I was not trying to make him look bad, and its hard to argue with numbers on a paper. After several attempts to point out that the game wasn't the sole source of marital confilict, he agreed to set the gaming aside for a long time , to work on the marriage (until we can all decide whether we want to re-introduce them in moderation). As long as he can spend 2 hours per day on his forums to keep in touch with friends. I can't believe that he is taking this step forward. . . . I am thrilled, yet very scared. Will he lie and play behind my back? I expect it. My homework is to stop monitoring him so that he can be a "man of his word". This is very hard for me. The counselor suggested that I attend Al-ANON meetings so that I can work on this.
The other homework that we have is to take time each night to sit down and talk to each other (5 minutes each). This is a way to get to know each other again since we have such a broken foundation right now. And we have commited to not speaking about divorce for the next 3 months (the topic has come up frequently).
I suppose this is a huge risk to take- I feel so vulnerable because what if we get to know each other after so long living our own lives- and we find that we don't like each other? Or, what if he decides that he likes his game more than staying together as a family? Or what if he trades gaming for some other avoidance behavior? All of these are very real possibilities. Its scary. For now, I am going to hope, try to stick to my end of the agreement, and hope that we can learn to love each other and live in some type of harmony again.