Counterstike Addiction Concerns

I was greatly relieved to find this site while browsing the Internet today.A,A I have been so frustrated with my boyfriend as a result of his ongoing gaming habits with Counter-Strike Source.A,A

I have known my boyfriend since September. We both enjoy gaming and met online in Guild Wars.A,A We didn't official start being more than friends until December.A,A As a result of playing Guild Wars with one another we were able to build a very strong friendship through playing and strategizing together and just plain talking about things in everyday life.A,A In fact we used to get onto Guild Wars just to say good morning to one another and spend time together.A,A Eventually we started chatting in MSN because we wanted to be able to just talk and get to know one another better.A,A At first it seemed that we were there focused on one another when we were chatting which was great.A,A We would spend hours talking about everything imaginable, and most of it was real life related.A,A We would also occasionally login to Guild Wars together and do missions and quests together as well.A,A And when my work schedule got hectic with symphony (I'm a violinist who commutes 90 minutes for rehearsals in another city) he'd always be there for my call after rehearsal and keep me company on the way home.A,A He or I would also usually call one another briefly in the morning as well.A,A Things were great!

However, he was starting to get bored wtih Guild Wars which I can understand.A,A He and I had beaten all of the missions in the latest campaign on three different characters together.A,A In comparison to myself my boyfriend is a far superior gamer.A,A I respect his decision to take a break from the game and try others such as Rappelz, Flyff and some PS2 games.A,A I even tried Rappelz but decided I didn't like it because of the way you were forced to use your mouse for movement (I use a notebook a majority of the time and don't like using an external mouse).A,A Everything was fine we'd get on our respective games and still have good conversations while in them.A,A At times I'd be in game and he wouldn't or vice versa.A,A However, the important thing here is that communication always felt open and even though we were in game we'd usually respond very quickly to what the other was saying (i.e. I'd run Guild Wars inA,A window so I wouldn't miss a thing he'd say).A,A We'd even talk to one another about the respective games we were playing sinceA,A I don't know much about MMOs since Guild Wars was my first.A,A We also still continued to call one another and were also planningA,A A,A to do a meeting in real life.A,A Many of the people in our guild knew both of us so it was a very secure thing to pursue.A,A The guild I am in is very close and we often are guilty of chatting on vent more about real life issues than gaming.A,A For his birthday I told my boyfriend that I would be flying out the day after Valentines Day to stay for the weekend.A,A This was something that he and I had discussed many times before.A,A He would have been coming to see me, however he was unable to get the time off anytime in the near future.A,A This was most likely because of conflicts with deadlines for proofreading documents and presentations.

In late January my boyfriend's roommate introduced him to Counterstrike Source.A,A I didn't mind at the time.A,A In fact I was glad he found another game he could enjoy.A,A However, Counterstrike soon became his staple game.A,A And since he began it our conversations have been dwindling.A,A Mostly with me talking and him barely acknowledging me in return.A,A Even when I was out to see him on the weekend following Valentines Day he couldn't resist getting onto it.A,A Which really irritated me.A,A We had planned on just getting to spend some time with one another watching some of his favorite movies, getting to go out to eat, talk in person, etc.A,A However, with his computer and TV both in his room he soon was sitting there playing Counterstrike while were watching the movies together.A,A It bothered me, but I decided I was going to see how far he took his need to play before I made it an issue.A,A To say the least, I was very disappointed that he had even logged in, I honestly expected more of him.A,A But ever since it has been a growing concern with me.A,A There seems to be a distinct connection between the amount of time he spends playing Counterstrike and the lack of quality in our conversations.A,A

I have approached this topic with him several times only to be told that he's still taking to me, etc.A,A However, the last time I checkedA,A receiving "ic," "o," "cool," "heh," and "hah" seem more to me like statements made to show he's still breathing.A,A Even our phone conversations have dropped off considerably because he'll be sitting there trying to play or thinking about playing later that night when he gets off of work.A,A Getting his phone call in the mornings when he was on his way to work used to be the highlight of my day.A,A But with me talking all the time and him seeming a million miles away it's almost more of a dreaded time now.A,A Once when I discussed this with him he said to me so you're basically saying I have to choose between the game or you.A,A My point wasn't that I expected him to choose.A,A My point (and I told him this) was that I shouldn't have to compete with his game when I'm trying to talk with him.A,A If he wants to play his game, that's fine, but don't make me sit for five minutes in between conversations because you're busy blowing up people.A,A Many times when I get on to MSN I'm getting on to spend time with him.A,A Occasionally I'm in a game or watching TV, but my focus is on him.A,A Since we have a 2 hour time difference timing phone calls, especially on weekdays does get tricky because I have to be up really late or he has to be up really early so MSN has been a lifesaver.A,A

I've shared with him that I wish he and I could find a game to play together and the response has been "heh."A,A I am at a point where I feel I have invested far more in this relationship than he has.A,A I will not stay around this behavior continues.A,A However, I'm wondering what suggestions you might have in approaching him about this.A,A Counterstike has changed him and not for the better.A,A I've even tried to make less conversation with him while he's in CS so that he might be compelled to make an effort to make more.A,A All that did was produce even less conversation.A,A Which has furthered my concerns about his gaming habit.A,A People are always more important than games, but I'm at a loss of how to communicate this concept to him without breaking up with him.A,A I'll admit that I've thought about doing so because his actions are not doing anything postive for me at this time.A,A However, I do feel that he deserves a fair chance.A,A This gaming issue has been the only major difference that he and I have encountered.A,A

There have been nights when he's totally ignored me after I've come home from rehearsal and gotten on MSN just to talk to him before going to bed.A,A After saying hi to someone only to have them not respond for 15 minutes is rude.A,A I was already angry earlier that night because I had tried to call him on the way home only to be told he wanted to grab a shower quick.A,A I assumed he'd call me back.A,A I knew full well he went to play Counterstike after he was done with his shower.A,A The next morning when he called I just let the phone ring.A,A It didn't seem to even phase him that he had blown me off (at least as I saw it) the night before.A,A Things like this have happened again since then, but only one other time.A,A Half of me wants to just not call him and not get online and she if he even notices.A,A I wonder if my inavailbility would be one way to keep from enabling him to feel he can treat me in this manner.A,A I want to fix this, but he has to want it.A,A If not I'm done.A,A I just don't want to handle or treat him in a manner that can be perceived as manipulative or emotionally abusive.

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After thinking about this post I realized I probably need to clarify something. The trend, ever since my boyfriend began CS (as he calls it) has been that whenever he's on MSN he's most likely also on Counterstrike. He gets so involved in it that he often will completely ignore me for 20 or 30 minutes when I've been trying to converse with him. I don't expect him to spend all of his time with me, but whatever time I do spend with him should be quality time without him or I competing with games, etc.