My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. We started out doing long distance and then I moved across the country to be with him. When i got there, I found out that he had a serious gaming addiction. He was playing WOW about 50-60 hours a week on top of a 40 hour a week job. Since I was in a new place with no family or friends, I began to slip into a deep depression and loneliness I hadn't experienced before. I found out quickly that he wasn't the guy I moved across country for. After a year of being in his home town, I decided to move back home. I said 'you can come if you love me and want our relationship to work but, I'm not going to go through this bull s*** again.' His response was 'breaking up is not an option, I love you and I can finish school there.' It seemed like an optimistic response and gave me something to be hopeful about. He has now been here almost a year and is back into playing wow (2 different characters.) He doesn't raid anymore (thank goodness) but every week he has to log on to get arena's done on both characters PLUS get the honor he needs. (This can easily be 20 hrs a week) Many times I will ask him to get off and he does. Which I'm sure is more than I can say for most addicts up here. But, I've noticed that if he gets off wow like I ask, he either picks up his wii, or his Nintendo dual screen. In addition to MMPORG's and gaming consoles he has decided to start playing dungeons and dragons again on the weekends with some friends. I've asked him if he's trying to avoid me for some reason, if he's happy with me, if he would prefer to be single, if he would prefer more space, etc...and every single time he says 'No, thats silly...why would I want to be single, and why would I avoid you? I love you.' I'm now realizing that it's not just wow but, compulsive gaming. Almost his entire Saturday and possibly some of his sunday is devoted to WOW and D&D. I recently started doing some research on depression in men and how it differs from women. Men who show signs of anger, irritability, easily frustrated, easily annoyed, and addictive personality symptoms are often depressed. My boyfriend shows all of those symptoms and so did his father until he started taking Lexapro. After months of talking to my boyfriend he decided to go to a clinic to be seen for depression. The therapist agreed that it was depression but, didn't do a thorough psychological evaluation. They have set up a follow-up appointment for medication but, that's it. Just medication and no digging deeper, no dealing with the problem itself. I'm just another girlfriend whose relationship is being torn apart by video games. But, if there is one thing I do know ( and I don't mean to overgeneralize here) is that the majority of the gamers I have met who cannot control themselves are struggling with some form of depression. I'm hoping the medication will help tremendously. We have both agreed that if it doesn't help that it would not be fair to me to stay in this relationship and we will move on. He realizes he has a problem with his depression but, the gaming itself is a whole different issue. I'm just taking it one problem at a time. I don't consider myself co-dependent. I do love him and want to give medication therapy a try before I walk away. I do however, fear that the gaming will only get worse. It definitely isn't as bad as it used to be but, it could be a lot better. He really doesn't think he has a problem since he doesn't do raids, has a full time job, and hangs out with me a little here and there. So, I guess my question would be IS it a problem if he does still do social activities with me every week? Yes he plays the majority of Saturday afternoon but, he's all mine Saturday evenings, Friday evenings (if I'm not working at my PT job) and Sundays evenings? Is this a problem or am I being a silly over dramatic girl?
The book I have been reading may help some of you men out there or women dealing with men who have depression. 'I Don't Want To Talk About It' - Terrance Real