Game of War HELL!

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GamersLonelyWife
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Game of War HELL!

This is probably going to be a mess of an explaination, but- this is my story: My husband of 5 years has been flat out addicted to Game of War for 16 months. We have two very young children-they are currently 2&3. I am stay at home mom. It has been a year plus of me BEGGING, pleading, trying to understand, getting IRATE (even breaking my hand punching a wall :/) and finally after all this time dealing with this, I do believe I am slipping in to depression. I have caught him sending inappropriate photos and messages to a handful of women via the Line app. He always has an excuse- she asked for the photos, I'm just trying to get her on our side...always BULL. He nearly got fired from work for being late so many times because he stays up so late playing. He also drinks excessively while playing, which is another issue. He has always had an addictive personality, but this is extreme. He does NOTHING around the house, our girls scream and cry for his attention and aside from him supporting us (barely) I feel like a single mother. He admits he is addicted to the game, and has made a few comments about being embarrassed, but has clearly stated he has NO desire to stop playing. We have been thisclose to divorce over this game, but I refuse to let a game ruin my life. I am just at rock bottom here and not sure what to do- I can not live my life around him as if nothing is going on, and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from all this frustration! Just looking for some encouragement or suggestions I suppose :/

Lyra
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I feel really sorry for you

I feel really sorry for you and your daughters! I can identify with a lot you are saying but it's even worse when kids are suffering too. While my boyfriend has gone back to gaming, what made him quit once (for a year, I believed for two) was failing his degree - it would seem it needs a drastic, real-life consequence for them to wake up. On the other hand, that wake up was not permanent for my boyfriend, so it's probably no final solution either.
While I really hope I will find something to help get him to want to change, what has helped me so far is to stop supporting/enabling him in any way and to focus on doing nice things to recharge my energies instead. At least when you are trying to help yourself, you are helping someone who appreciates your efforts!

Andrew_Doan
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You both are not alone. With

You both are not alone. With each year, this addiction affects more and more families.

My wife and I share about the damage my gaming addiction had on the family:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJtJ--5SiAg

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Lyra
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I just finished watching

I just finished watching your video, now trying to work up the courage to make my other half watch it. I could relate to so many things your wife was saying! Do you have any tipps for how to stay away from games for good? Him going back after a year of not gaming was so heartbreaking.

Andrew_Doan
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Lyra, your significant other

Lyra, your significant other has to want recovery.

What worked for me:

1) Attending meetings: helps with recovery and a constant reminder what addiction will do. Face-to-face and online.

2) Focus on service: serving others provide a dopamine spike that is sustainable in the long run.

3) Focus on people and family: another dopamine spike that is sustainable.

4) Stay away from gaming completely: let the senses come back to normal. Consider Proverbs 27:7 "One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet."

5) Finally, reading the Bible and following GOD as this provided me with a clear sense of purpose, as well as redemption, in my life and the lives of others I hurt. I share why GOD was essential in my recovery in this video:

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=778526342205974

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Lyra
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thank you for sharing these

thank you for sharing these points, I will keep them in mind and have them ready when he (hopefully) tries to quit again!

vesalian.prime
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I am sorry to hear about the

I am sorry to hear about the kids. Maybe some kind of intervention would help ? When I first quit gaming almost 3 years ago, it was because I realized I was neglecting my 4y old daughter, and it suddenly dawned on me that she would never be 4 again, and I only had one shot at making her feel loved and cherished for the rest of her life. I relapsed since then, but it took me less to come back again.

Anyway, my point is this: he has to want it himself, and making him realize he is missing out on being a father to his kids may help him want to recover from his addiction.

Perhaps a man who is worthy of the name should put aside this question of how long he will live ..., and turn his attention to this instead, to how he can live the best life possible in the time that is granted to him
Marcus Aurelius

Patria
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It sounds like he is

It sounds like he is addicted to both games and alcohol, that his job won't be here much longer, and his family is alienated and totally ignored. He is an addict.

The only thing an addict understands is the consequences of his own behavior. Honestly, that is what it took to get my attention.

He needs to "feel" the consequences of his choices. It sounds like a line should be drawn in the sand, either get to meetings or we're out that door.

Hugs to you and your daughters. He is totally lost in his addictions and he will not get well until it is no longer working for him. A big dose of reality is what he needs.

Alonewith2
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I have found with my husband

I have found with my husband that even mentioning gaming/addiction to screen time will just lead to denial from him and it is pointless. I end up feeling rejected and unhappy. For me what has worked is to detach totally and now I plan to set good boundaries - things I will do when he behaves in certain ways.

I know he has noticed now though the gaming continues. It is carrying out the boundaries that I hope will speak to him one day, but again realising that I can only control my own behaviour, make my own choices etc is what helps. So it goes... if he does this I will do .....

For example - if my husband spends all evening and night on the computer then I will put the children to bed on my own, I will go to bed at a reasonable time, I will take a bath or read a book. If my husband at any point hurts me or behaves irrationally with the children then I will keep a bag of clothes packed for the children and I will leave the house with them to a planned area.

Like you I get very angry and very hurt by what has happened over this marriage. Neglect, ignoring someone, literally having the computer and other devices in a way that makes me feel he is having an affair with them is very hurtful - in many ways more painful then having someone call me names or tell me I am a terrible person - at least I can defend myself and say that isn't true, but I cannot defend myself against an important person in my life saying I am unworthy of common decencies and even vague acknowledgement. I am not sure I can stop those feelings, but I can decide what I will do when I feel that way and having it planned out does help. Set boundaries that keep you and your children safe. He may or may not change, but he needs to feel the consequences of his choices and they need to be negative consequences - at the moment I have a feeling he is getting many positive consequences from gaming and few if any negative ones.

Dynah
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He's addicted to game of war

My husband is addicted to game of war. He's always on his phone and doesn't do a ****ed thing around the house. I'm tired of feeling like I'm alone in this house/relationship. We barely interact. The rare occasion when his sister comes over he will be social, and only check his game briefly. I am lonely. He told me that he started playing the game a couple years ago because I was on MY phone all the time texting. So I made a concerted effort to keep that down to a low roar and engage more at home. As time has gone on, he spends more and more time playing and less time with me. We have almost zero intimacy. When we do he makes comments like " well I have to get it when I can" and it makes me feel like crap. I WANT to be intimate but it's like as soon as we're finished he gets  right back on his phone. We don't go out, he never plans anything anymore. I don't even know how to approach this with him.

Dynah

Polga
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Welcome Dynah

Welcome Dynah

Come back and read both spouses forums. That may help you to make a plan.

Thanks for sharing

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