HELP My bf is addicted to WOW!

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confused81
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HELP My bf is addicted to WOW!

I need some help and fast, but dont know what to do to get help for my bf. You see my bf and I have been together for a year and a half and for the first five months of our relationship, was great . He spent all his time with me and was very affectionate and romantic with me. It was going great and then once we got closer and serious about our relationship, I noticed that he was addicted to this computer game called WOW and that he would play for hours a day on this game. At first I was ok with it becasue he said that he rather play his game then hang out with his parents (he lived with them at the time), and if I wanted him to hang out with me, all I had to do is ask. He would do stuff with me when I asked but I want him to hang out with me becasue he want to and not have to ask him to hang out with me. I want him to do it on his own. I made a big mistake moving to Montana with him, but I did it because I love him sooo much and want to be with him. But his addiction is getting to become worse. On the weekends he will spend 15-20 hours playing WOW and then on the weekdays he will play as soon as he gets home from work and will play from 4pm-2am a night. Once he is playing his game he totally ignores me and wont spend anytime with me unless it is going out to eat or if I yell at him to go with me into Bozeman to get grocheries. He wont even go out with me to hang out with friends of family. He rather play his game them live in reality. I am a very social person who likes to talk and hang out with others, but cant becasue of him. Its no fun hanging out with other couples when your is not there with you. So I usually stay home with him and watch tv allday while he plays on the computer. I am getting sick of it and feel like he doesnt even want to hang out with me and that he is just using me. I do everything around the house. I cook, clean , pay bills and take care of his responsibilites for him while he sits on his ass all day and plays his game and trashes our place up. He expects me to be the maid and cater to his needs. But I am sick of it and am ready to tell him to leave, but I also care/love him sooo much that I want our relationship to work out. I feel that I put sooo much into this relatoinship to just end it like that. Plus he wont even tough me or be affactionate with me at all. He wont kiss me nor tell me that he loves/cares about me. I want my bf back. I feel like I lost him to this game and that he is living in this fanasty world and that he has no clue how to live in the real world. Its getting bad and I need help fast. What should I do. Should I talk to him about this addiction or leave him.

John of the Roses
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There is no easy advice to

There is no easy advice to give you, no "quick fix". Sorry, but it sounded like you knew about his gaming when you firast met him. Lots of time in relationships there is a "honeymoon" phase, even when you don't get married. You guys are certainly out of that phase now. Do you both work? There are on-line chats and meetings here where you might get someideas about your dilema. Keep us posted about where you guys are heading.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

sladdiction
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Hi Confused, A lot of your

Hi Confused, A lot of your situation sounds like common problems with young love that are not game related. You'll find that relationships, especially ones that become super charged very quickly, often cool after several months. That is extremely common. Also, especially when you're young, you have to be very leary of moving for a boy/girl friend, unless there is adequate support for you in this new place, or it is a place you were going to anyway, such as for a job. I've known many people when I was younger who moved for a love then found themselves either dumped or in a bum relationship and had no support in their new place. Just chalk that one up to life experience and move back to where there are family or friends. As far as the game addiction goes, yes it sounds like he has it bad. There is not a whole lot you can do with an addict. He has to make his own decision. The best thing is to not support him in it. Tell him how you feel about it, and then tell him what you're going to do. Then follow up with whatever you tell him. Look after yourself, you deserve it. If you think there is any hope he'll change, show him this site or print out some of the stories. Chances are, if he's heavy into his addiction, he'll just get mad at you and blame you for his gaming. Just remember, you're dealing with an addict, there is no normal logic going on. It's addiction logic that only makes sense to the addict. Take care, remember that your situation is only temporary, and you have an entire life to live in happiness. Please go and live it . Many blessings and good luck,

Addicted to SL

Ram
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You said :- On the weekends

You said :- On the weekends he will spend 15-20 hours playing WOW i am now seeking professional help for a WoW addiction . i used to play 15 hrs saturday then approx 15 sunday. WoW is a devilishly addictive game. this is no joke . i guess you are writing because you're seeking advice. In light of the crippling effect its had on my life i would say that unless your Bf realises he has a problem, you will be the one to suffer. it appears you are at a 'its the game or me' cross roads. good luck. there are...as they often say...plenty more in the sea :)

jsm0807
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Sweetie, this is your life.

Sweetie, this is your life. What you have now may be the best you can get from him until he sees that it is a problem. How many years will you put up with it before you say enough is enough. How many children will you bring into the world, hoping he'll step up and be a father and provider and husband? By his actions, he is telling you who he is. He loves WoW. That is the focus of his life. Not you. If you are going to cling to hope, at least give yourself a deadline (three, six months?) of how long you'll put up with this behavior and just what kind of behavior you want in a life partner. When the deadline is reached, make a decision. Either you accept him as he is, gaming addiction and all, or move on. Listen to what he is telling you about himself by his actions. Take off the love blinders and see him for who he REALLY is, not who you want him to be. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave and you may hate him by the time you do leave. It is hard to give up the idea of a loving relationship with a man you do love. But love yourself more than you love him. You have many years ahead of you. Don't settle for less than an equal partner who loves you as much as you love him. Just what are YOU getting from this relationship now? It is doubtful that it will get better.

Janet

Maschinca
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confused81 wrote: But I
confused81 wrote:

But I am sick of it and am ready to tell him to leave, but I also care/love him sooo much that I want our relationship to work out. I feel that I put sooo much into this relatoinship to just end it like that.

You want the relationship to work but ask yourself what does he want? Does he want it too or are you just a caretaker for him so he can waste his life on WoW? This game is very addictive and as long as he keeps denying his excessive game play you will get no where. It is very sad that you have put so much in this and not get anything in return. You deserve better. Do not hope you can fix this or him cause you can't. Only he can do that if he opens his eyes and walks away from it. Until then you can either wait for him, might take years, or you can find happiness for yourself elsewhere. There are no easy answers, there is no easy solution for this. But know this: this is not about you, not about what you did or didn't do. In no way is his gaming your fault or responsibility. You might be the most perfect girl and he still would game cause he is addicted and in denial and blind to what is going on the real world. Many gamers won't even wake up if they loved one left them, so if you leave don't get your hopes up that he will come after you. This is the sad truth about this addiction. It ruins life, don't let it ruin yours. Take care

"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.

Delirium
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jsm0807 wrote: Listen to
jsm0807 wrote:

Listen to what he is telling you about himself by his actions. Take off the love blinders and see him for who he REALLY is, not who you want him to be. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave and you may hate him by the time you do leave.

This is very true. Bring up your concerns. if he doesn't want to change or lashes out...honestly it may be time to start moving on. Is it hard giving up on love? Yes. However if he is unwilling to give up on his gaming to foster that love then it isn't a relationship. As you described, you are his caretaker. If he won't remove himself from gaming, it will not end. One game will lead to another, and then another. He sounds like he is heavily addicted. If he is, try to address it and try to point him to help (like this site). If he doesn't want to make a change, then I hate to say it, but you are lower on the pole then the computer game and that isn't likely to change.

-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

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